So I am at Vancouver Public Library (one of my favorite places on earth) and I pick up a book
Best Canadian Sports Writing. I leaf through it and I bloody well cannot believe it – my Uncle Dave Dryburgh is not included. The editors are Stacey May Fowles and Pasha Malla and they do appear to be idiots. The editors do not even talk about the criteria they applied to decide who were the best Canadian sports writer, It is a faulty book to say the very least. I am sure glad I did not pay any money for this thing but instead borrowed it from the library. Even the book’s blurb makes no sense at all: “With its diverse voices and approaches, Best Canadian Sports Writing expands the genre into more democratic and conversational territory, embracing the perspectives of fans and experts alike.” What in the world does that mean? That book is going back to the library, it does not deserve to be in my apartment. If you all expect me to be positive all of the time, you are nuts. There is no joy without sorrow, no bitter without sweet, if there is heaven there has to be a hell etc. etc.
I had a super Mother’s Day yesterday, thank you very much. I was walking around Yaletown and there was no one on the streets. I commented to a woman as we waited for the light to change.
Me: The streets are deserted!
She: Its because its Mother’s Day.
Me: So what happens on Mother’s Day, everyone goes into hiding?
She: No, they go to lunch and it is lunchtime.
I went to My Sister’s Closet and you will never guess what I bought.
You: I give up. What did you buy?
Me: You give up too easy.
You: Just tell me!
Me: I bought a wedding dress.
You: A wedding dress??? Why? You are not getting married again.
Me: I know but it was only five dollars.
You: What are you going to do with it?
Me: I am going to get Pierre the Handyman to put it on the fabric headboard above my bed. Then I will pick up some guy and bring him home. He will think he is going to score and then he walks into the bedroom and there will be the wedding dress hanging above the bed.
You: You have a very weird sense of humout. The poor guy.
Me: But imagine the look on his face. He would not be able to perform.
I also got a shirt for five dollars, a pair of Cole Haun black shoes that are super comfortable AND a free pair of running shoes. I scored. But then I got hungry and decided I would go to Dunn’s. I correctly ascertained that it would not be busy there because you got to take the Mom to a posh, expensive, showy restaurant on Mother’s Day. You cannot take her to a really nice comfortable place with really good food and really nice people who work there. Its all got to be snotty, the people rude and then throw in the Operating Manager guy at Hawksworth for good measure. I figured out why he didn’t like me, by the way. This is a true story. I was having lunch with Joo Kim Tiah on July 6, 2017. There were two old ladies at an adjacent table and the the Operations guy goes over to the table.
They: Oh you are so cute (to him)
Me: I think he (pointing to Joo Kim) is cuter.
Honest to goodness – I did. I clearly remember that. And Joo Kim did look really cute. He had a navy blue shirt on. I had a navy blue dress and matching scarf. When he walked in the room I said: “We match!” He looked confused. Another time I saw him at the Trump and he was wearing a denim shirt and I was wearing a denim shirt.
Me: Look we match again. Our shirts match.
He: I didn’t know that when I put it on this morning.
All of this is the truth and not even exaggerated. I woke up in a very good mood for some reason or another. I used to wake up sad all of the time, with a strange yearning (for something or somebody). I don’t anymore. I wake up to the sound of my air conditioner and in a very good mood. So there! So there! So there.
The picture is the Dunn’s hot dog. They have the best hot dogs in the world – you order it from the Kid’s Menu. It was not crowded yesterday so I had everyone to myself. It made me very happy and everyone knows my name and is very happy to see me. So there! So there! So there!
I have lots to do today. I am being trained by Sir Richard of Hot and then going to a Senior’s lecture at VAG and then who knows what? I have got to make some soup. All this and I can cook too. Hahahahahahaha