Yesterday at the Equinox I made a new friend. We hung out for ages talking. We were both suffering from the same experience in that all of our gym buddies were guys. I do have E.H.B. who has reappeared in my life but that was about all. Now there is a slight age discrepancy between new friend and me – a mere 53 years- but it is working. Needless to say, I am the elder.
So I was telling her about the three ‘opportunities’ for a book. One is the shelved Uncle Dave biography, one a book about writing this blog highlighting the profound effect it has on my life and the third would be a fictionalized account of the strange, largely email relationship with multibillionaire Joo Kim Tiah.
The names of everything and everybody would be changed. It would be the Rump International Hotel and the President of the USA would be Ronald Rump. Joo Kim would become Kim Mee
Poo and I would be Alicia McTwit. The general manager would be Sam Smarmy. The name of the gym would become Twice A Year Gym. That is because the equinox comes twice a year and usually when people join a year they only come twice a year. The extremely clever gym name came from one of my cousin’s husband. It is going to be fiction but will be loosely based on the real thing.
The ending has got to be changed, because stories require a happy ending. It will end in a wedding between Poo and McTwit. Unfortunately the Poos are not known for their generous charitable contributions (well not equal to the Gates) so McTwit thinks of a clever idea. The marriage is so unlikely and unbelievable, therefore all of the Kwan’s Rich and Crazy Asians will be dying to come. They have scads of money so tickets to the wedding will be sold for two million dollars, perhaps three. The proceeds will go to charity – the bride may choose one; the groom may choose one. The wedding will be held in London, where fancy and popular weddings are often held. But this one will be in the courtyard of Dolphin Square. There will be lots of room and the Poos can pay for tenting in case of inclement weather.
The bride will have the ability to choose thirty of her favorite friends, they do not have to fork over the three million dollars. The bride will leave Drake House, her friends will be assembled at the back and she will go to each and hug them, taking care not to cry and mess up her make up. After that, her sensei of twenty years will hand her the bouquet. After the chosen guests have trooped to the front McTwit will walk down the aisle – a long walk. She will walk alone and she has been on her own all of her life. The music will be upbeat, Pomp and Circumstance. But if she is overcome by emotion – the sheer improbability of an abused girl born in Saskatchewan marrying a super rich young dude – may cause her to cry. If this happens the groom is instructed to come and hug her, hold her hand and walk down the aisle with her. When she reaches the front, she will curtsey in front of the parents (and hopefully not fall over as she did once). The vows will be the traditional ones but both parties will promise to obey. There will be, of course, a gala reception probably with dim sum carts. There will be dancing. In real life the following email exchange took place.
Me: I will dance at your wedding!
He: Everyone will.
Is not that sweet? And that is the truth, one does get to throw in some truth here and there.
Right now you are probably asking yourself: What will the bride wear? It is an Yves St. Laurent dress pictured in the blog of October 26,2017. The advantage of the dress is that it hides figure faults and the cape’s fastening hides turkey neck. Turkey neck is the result of aging and the bride is rather old. I guess 73 – 4 is an unlucky number in the Chinese culture. It means death and the old girl is not dead yet. Hahahaha.
I cannot think of a title for this book of fiction and suggestions will be appreciated. The video is me at Sephora after a make over. In the book Tamara will do the bride’s make up. The End.