So enjoying my holiday from the blog (although I do hope that you are not). This, an email to my Computer Guru Chris: “I now have this profound sense of freedom. I never realized the burden I have placed upon myself for years. It has changed my life and given me an identity and opportunities not even imaginable, but it has, I see, governed my entire existence. Self imposed. I have so much to do in this week but it can (and will) get done without the blog. I am making lists of things that must be done. Yesterday completed ten of 18 but more to do today. Best I get at it. Love to you three.
This morning before sunset recorded an Instagram reel showing my homemade egg nog latte which was necessitated by Starbuck’s failure to offer my all-time seasonal favorite. I am feeling most self reliant – Who Needs Starbucks? That is the title of the short reel. Egg nog lattes were the only thing I liked about Christmas. I say the following to people.
Me: I have always hated Christmas. That is certainly not why I became a Muslim but it helps. Hahaha
Last week received an absolutely beautiful response to one of my reels, the one showing my journey in the Islamic faith. It was written by a woman who shares my Muslim name, Fatima.
She: So proud of you mashallah Allahuma bark sister welcome to Islam may Allah be with you always and forever. May Allah send you good people to support you and be by your side you have won you. The most beautiful gift in the world knowing Allah loving Allah. Read about the Prophet Mohammed salsa Oahu eliyhi wesellam he is the best human in the world how he treated people how he was kind to every creature in between land and sky. You will fall in love with him too and after that you will say You love me and You love my prophet enter My Jannah
Me: Your message is so inspiring and beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes…….. It is a gift from Allah. I am reading this just after Fajr prayer. All praise to Allah.
I told her of my upcoming plans, that is why the …..For now anyway.
Now onto my Introduction to Trollie Times. I have no idea when it was written as I have the ability to blot out painful times. As you shall read, the trip was not painful but almost ecstatic, I compared it to heaven except found it too heavenly – boring after awhile. Did explain all of that in great detail. The painful part was husband #3 who was around at the time. It was near the end of the marriage – remember he read the book after I had left him. His sole comment was this.
He: I was there! You never talk about me!!!
By this time I had summoned up my courage (to some degree).
Me: No you were not really there. You never varied your existence. Slept until at least noon, woke up, read the newspaper and then began drinking. You stayed up late. No idea when you came to bed as I was asleep preparing for the events of the day, the breakfast, the shore excursions, the people from other lands.
I am terrible at math, but I must have been 2010, perhaps. It was the last trip we took together as I recall. I travelled to Japan later with my sensei of twenty years, but he was not invited. I returned, left immediately for Edmonton as my mother was dying. Came back to California but then back to Edmonton to plan, and of course, attend the funeral. Such painful times to recall.
I had not read the book in years and years. I have no idea, whatsoever where the bound MacBook is. MacBooks were possible in those days – there were 1:1 with Apple staff, took your photos, put them in a book, sent it off and back came a bound version. I was most adventurous, deciding to write of my travels, not just use photos. My Edmonton computer genius, fifteen year old LOLL was able to download the story from an old iPad, sending it to my email via a pdf. He is truly amazing, I am truly blessed.
I was amazed and transfixed, realizing that I could always write. Well, not always and did need to ‘unlearn’ the third passive voice that characterizes legal writing. But I went to school after the writing of the book to learn how to write.
Me: I am not sure why I did not think I could write!
Alter Ego: I guess it was the people around you.
Me: That is true. The County Counsel office manager once said I could not write and, at home Paul was constantly correcting my grammar, telling me I could not write.
Alter Ego: And his response when he read Trollie Times was not at all supportive.
Me: That is so true. I guess I have learned something from all of this.
Alter Ego: What is it?
Me: Get away from negative, depreciating people. Surround yourself with people that love and support you. Most people despise another’s change and growth. I thought that the blog made me a good writer. One becomes a good writer by writing all of the time – going to school to learn to write is a phenomenal waste of time and money. I learned that the hard way. But look at me now!
