Recently decided that I am dogmatic, in the main my dogmatism emerges in matters relating to the Islamic Faith. First to define dogmatism, next to provide an example and lastly a possible remedy.
Dogmatic that can be me. I definitely can be opinionated, assertive, imperative, insistent, emphatic, adamant, authoritarian, pontifical, unyielding, unbending, inflexible, entrenched, unquestionable, unchallengeable. It is possible for me to become open-minded but it does take some prodding, gentle prodding. I have found a gentle prodder in the person of Fazil Irwan. We email one another- met face to face rarely, about five times.
The problem with being dogmatic is twofold. First it is irritating to others, second and more importantly, if takes up too much time In the mind, ruins one’s concentration and makes one a boor. I cannot seem to free my mind of certain unresolved matters The first step of setting myself free was to realize that I use dogmatism to fight the dogmatism I see in the Islamic faith. Some issues bring forth authoritarianism arrogance, inflexibility, and entrenchment. Particularly those involving what women should, or should not be, wearing, on their heads, on their bodies, even nail polish can be considered by some, to be forbidden. However, it is a losing battle, I become more entrenched, my foes will never capitulate. It is possible for me to become open-minded, the opposite of dogmatic. However, it does take some prodding, gentle prodding. Faithful readers will remember the presence of a gentle prodder in my life – in the person of Fazil Irwan. Most recently my adamant insistence never, ever to use GRAB to get around turned into my uploading the app but much more importantly accepting this reality: “when we look at Muslims today we don’t see Islam. We see Islam in pockets of societies everywhere in the world.” He is good with that. If he can be good with that, so can I. Problem solved, ride with GRAB from time to time look for the pockets of Islam cling on it and cherish it whenever I find it. That journey from dogmatism to open mindedness can be found in the March 18, 2025 blog.
Decided to reach out, put Fazil to the test again. (Poor man). This the question posed. Composed my HELP email with the following subject line: Need your help with the Quran
Me: I know I read that if a woman is old and is not planning to marry again she does not have to cover. Do you know of that and where it might be? I may not be rebelling; I may be following the Quran Hahaha Alexis
He: It’s important to be specific with the word covering. Cover what? The verse that talks about old women and modesty is Surah An-Nur, chapter 24 verse 60. If you read the verse, it says old women who don’t hope for marriage, it is not a sin for them to put off their clothes without displaying their ornaments. And if they restrain themselves, it’s better for them. From what I read, it means you can pretty much not cover yourself except for parts of your body that is considered private to you. But if you cover yourself, it is better for you. Doesn’t mention the head, just covering your body. This verse relates to the fact most of us forget – that we are still part of the “animal” kingdom. We are carnal creatures. Women always attract men, and not all men are ethical. So even though as elderly women you can do pretty much whatever you want because you don’t have responsibilities, but there are dark lurking eyes who might intend to hurt rather than love. So it’s best for you to refrain. But it’s all up to you. Safety is always important. And if you want to get jiggy with someone you trust is a good person, that is different. Hahaha This is my personal opinion by the way. I stand corrected 🙂
Me: On Mon, 17 Mar 2025, 1:30 pm Alexis McBride, wrote: Your response was extremely helpful. Thank you!!! It is important, I think, to translate the Arab word zina. It can mean charms but also according to SQ876 it can be decoration, or embellishment or adornment or finery or something that beautifies. Something added to a woman that enhance her attractiveness. The references in the Quran to clothing are few and and superficial. One needs to be conscious of God. As to the practice of Muslim women wearing scarves to cover their hair – that is a decoration, a finery and an adornment. A woman’s hair is god given, not finery. The scarf is. So that is my head and my hair – I will not cover it with one of the 43 scarves, mostly given to me by Malaysian Muslim women. I got a great haircut yesterday, will send a photo. I guess my hair beauties me now. Oops. Hahaha I do think you are, as the expression goes, right on thinking about safety first. Best not show all as it might accidentally turn an old guy on, and he will hurt and not love. Any guy actually, does not have to be old. As you pointed out all guys are carnal creatures. (Love that phrase – it will replace ‘mere mortal men” in my vocabulary. I have no idea what jiggy is but I can imagine. Hahah Practically speaking, this is my modus operandi. I will continue dressing modestly but not worry if something has a vneck or short sleeves. Having a good haircut is merely taking care of myself – encouraged in the Islamic faith. I do so agree with Leila Ahmed who said “That so much energy has been expended by Muslim men and then Muslim woman to remove the veil and by others for affirm or restore it is frustrating and ludicrous. It is prayer time. Will send photo later. Alexis
On Mar 17, 2025, at 7:34 AM, Fazil Irwan wrote:
We define our own modesty. Everyone has their own perspective of modesty, but everyone knows instinctively that certain areas of the body are indeed places that need to be covered up haha.
So that means that, you cover whatever you feel needs to be covered. If for a woman, her hair is her private area, then by all means cover it. But another person might not feel the same way, but both agree that the bosom or the butt should naturally be covered unless they want to flaunt it to attract others.
In any case, that doesn’t mean that person A should impose her perspective to other people. And vice versa. Everyone respects each other’s ideas. Wouldn’t that make the world a better place? 🙂
Me: Excellent perspective and enlightening. Modesty is not in the eye of the beholder but instead is defined inwardly. Some women believe their hair is a private place and I should respect that and not impose my perspective on other people. The world will be a slightly better place if I give up my stance against the hijab and not worry about those people who do not like my haircut. Hahah 🙂 I will now look up jiggy and iddah. I am getting smarter by the minute with your help.
I will now attempt to summarize. Now I have peace of mind. I am sure women cover wearing traditional hijabs and lovely scarves for a multitude of reasons, none of which are any of my concern. I am most comfortable with the idea that they consider their hair a private part: I can respect that. If the occasion demands I cover, I readily do so and did when I went to the Floating Mosque, for example. Otherwise my decision is up to Allah (SWT) and myself. I shall continue to dress modestly, as I have all my life. My swimming attire will be modest but I will not wear something that is confining and makes me look like a seal. I shall cover myself thoroughly in the elevator and lobby going to the pool. I may wear a short sleeve T-shirt when walking on the beach. I will not comment nor concern myself with how other people dress. It is interesting to note that when I displayed my intolerance, I could see it as such and become more tolerant. I respond to knowledge and reason. Fazil is extremely knowledgable, somehow is able to listen to my nonsense, not criticize or get defensive but gently suggests there may be a different way of looking at things. I am learning a great deal, I am becoming more open minded. I am grateful. He seems like a gift from Allah, as do so many others in my life at this moment.
Just thought of the saying – from the sublime to the ridiculous. That describes, I think, what is going to take place in this blog. Perhaps I should check out the meaning to be sure it is not misapplication due to misinformation. I am pleased to say I was correct, it was a correct application not a misnomer.
The phrase “from the sublime to the ridiculous” means a sudden or jarring shift from something grand, impressive, or serious to something silly, absurd, or trivial.
Technically what I was speaking about is not sublime; and what I am going to speak about is not that silly, absurd or trivial.
A misnomer is, by the way is a name that is incorrectly or unsuitably applied or a word ir phrase that is used incorrectly or misleadingly.
This is not altogether trivial, but neither is it earth shaking (Earth shaking, in hyperbolic use, is very important, momentous.) Yesterday iPhoto magically sent me two reels, chosen by them, not me. The most amazing one was Recent Highlights. Feb 27 – March 19. How could they know what my highlights were?? There are many sunrise shots from my apartment, beach scenes, Dinner at Mr. Chin’s Restart portrayed by a delicious shrimp dish and Shamir looking thoughtful (my words, he thinks he looks stupid). But then photos and reel of of our visit to the Floating Mosque. The reel ends with photos taken at Penang’s Il Bacaro Italian Restaurant. The occasion was Mohan’s sister’s birthday. A foodie shot of the best pizza I have ever eaten and a lovely photo of Devi with her cake is the beautiful ending to the reel. I did not recall taking the photo, when editing my photos the next morning found it and immediately sent it off to her. She was so happy, the night before she moaned to her sister that no photograph of the event had been taken. She was so happy and surprised – and now her photo will be seen and shared by so many. Here is the link to that reel:
The other reel Winter 24 is set to lively Mozart music which I chose. It begins with my final day at Lexis Suites, onto Savv, the boutique hotel that saved me from the Lexis Suites scabies and then to Lyf Hotel that brought me back to life, showing scenes of the fun we all had at the Lyf Official Opening. There are many photos of the Anandani family. The finale, a gathering of Australian tourists at the Kashmir joined by Mohan, Shamir and myself. Its label, the opening shot on YouTube is more bizarre than the Mr. Chin’s shrimp dish. It is a Christmas Eve post of an earlier photo of me and a certain man. I sent him a copy of the reel saying: “ You made a brief appearance in the reel but I got on with my life.” Rest assured it is a life that does NOT include him. Here is the link:
More about the YouTube blog link in the next blog, and some anticipated post Ramadan life changes.
Photos of me wearing a hijab in the past. However, I do not consider my hair one of my private parts. A photo of my most recent haircut to which Fazil responded: Awesome! Also a reel of me and the ultimately covered Alexis. It was on Instagram; its caption; The only protection from Trump is the Islamic Faith.
