Oh What a Beautiful Morning, Oh What a Wonderful Day; Found another Borowitz Report For Your Entertainment: A Conversation Between My Saudi Bog Brother Bringing a Gift of Non-Alcoholic Beer; Good News Travels Fast: Saudi Arabia Perhaps Not Ready for Satire As Yet. A Reel or Two

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a wonderful day are the words to a song. The song goes on to say: Everything is going my way. 

You: How can you say that Alexis, the world is in a turmoil. 

Me: I realize that. I fear for the world but nonetheless I am truly blessed to be in safety. And truly blessed to be of the Islamic Faith – even though Islamaphobia rages in my homeland of Canada. 

You: Well first of all I am going to continue to spread happiness and humor. That is a gift given to me by Allah (SWT) and I shall share it. 

I shall outline my morning in great detail but first begin in humor. It was blessed to find my blog posted. My computer guru Chris is my true hero – he is away for the weekend and has managed to post even though he was going to WiFi nowhere (hahaha). I clicked on a link found on the Andy Horowitz hilarious satire and miraculously found another. I shall now place it in this blog and you can laugh with me.  

The topic is the so-called Speaker of the House, whose wife you read about yesterday. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a stirring acceptance speech after being elected Speaker of the House, Rep. Mike Johnson vowed to be “the greatest Speaker of the seventeenth century.”“For years, time travel was the stuff of science fiction,” he said. “Now, as I take this majestic nation back four hundred years, I will make that dream a reality.”

I find the Borowitz Report to be consistently hilarious but this has to win the prize, it is so inventive. The greatest speaker of the seventeenth century, what a beginning!!! Where will it end, where will this go?  We will explore this together. 

“Noting that L.G.B.T.Q. and women’s rights would be subject to his review, he said that he would also be taking a “hard look at some other so-called innovations, such as electricity and soap.”“My message to the American people is simple: I work for thee,” he said.When a reporter pointed out that there was no such thing as a Speaker of the House in the seventeenth century, Johnson replied, “I see you’ve been reading history books. Enjoy them while you can.”

Satire utterly amazing, a gift from God. It is utterly and entirely depressing, sad and woeful that an utter idiot become Speaker of the House. But blessed Borowitz exposes the guy’s utter and complete stupidity, without making it painful. We are not angry, there is nothing we can do about it anyway, but at least we are not sad, moaning and groaning, but happy. The Speaker is going to take” a hard look at other so-called innovations such as electricity and soap.” The message is simple: “I work for thee”, not you but thee. Hahaha. Concluding with: “enjoy reading history books while you can. “ 

This can, and is,  be printed as it is satire. The New Yorker cannot be sued for defamation, no silly Congressional hearings that never prove anything and are a waste of time because this is satire. Every country needs it – needs satire. However, I do not see that Saudi Arabia is, as yet, ready for it. Look at the advances it has made since MBS took the helm?!? Women’s rights all over the place. They have to be seen to be believed. I am here in my exclusive refugee camp seeing them for myself. Perhaps I am perfectly situated to bring satire to Saudi Arabia. I am funny, no one can deny that. I can write. No one can deny that. I am read by Saudis. No one can deny that. I have freedom of the press. No one can deny that. Hmmmm. But not quite yet and now we have to get serious again. Sorry guys. 

But not all that serious quite yet. My Big Brother AK came to visit yesterday bearing gifts. First of all the issue of him being my Big Brother. He and I discussed this at some length. 

Me: Well you can be my official Big Brother if your mother adopts me. 

He: Yes, that would work! 

Me: Yeah, But I am a lawyer, I do not know the law in Saudi Arabia but there is a big problem Rather huge. 

He: What is that? 

Me: I am older than your mother. She is a widow. This would be frowned upon I am sure. 

He: Yes, I can see what you mean little sister. 

Me: Yes, I am short and smaller than you so a little sister. But my age gets in the way. But I just thought of something!! 

He: What! You can be so clever little sister. 

Me: Some of the time, but not all of the time. Anyway. I am now three, changed my birthday to October 20 as that is when I became a Muslim. 

He: Okay.

Me: I became a Libra which is a better astrological sign than Gemini. 

He: Well okay, little sister. But who recognizes that? 

Me: Your little sister is going to surprise you. Allah (SWT) recognizes that, There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that I am a Muslim. My Saudi phone’s screen face proves it. 

He: I think I am beginning to see what you mean. 

Me: Yes! Allah (SWT) is the Ultimate Authority. If he approves of the adoption we care not what the world thinks. If your mother, and me and you agree, it seems to me that it is proof of Allah (SWT)’s blessing. 

He: I can see that logic. 

Me: Yes! The Islamic Faith  is so logical, so rational, unlike other religions. It is not confusing. There is only one God – not like Hindus, most confusing. Which one of the many gods do you pray to? Not like Christians, making Jesus the Son of God and giving him so much power over everything. Jesus (Isa) is a Prophet, an extremely important one who, at the Final Judgment, the Great Tribulation, will slay the Anti-Christ, but he is not the son of God. 

He: Little Sister you know so much about the faith. I am SO proud of you 

Me: I am definitely a smart three year old. 

He: And a funny one. 

Me: Yes, I am gifted. 

He: Speaking of gifts I have a gift for you. Here it is. 

Me: Oh I love you Big Brother. You know how I love nonalcoholic beer. 

We went to breakfast at the fabulous Olerio Breakfast Buffet. Big Brother ordered Eggs Benedict with salmon, and avocado. Big Brother shared his, Son Ibraham ordered another. I shared mine with Big Brother. As you can see, we are a big happy family already. 

Me: Son. You are doing such a good job. 

He: Thank you Grandmother. I want to leave a good impression for my Uncle. 

The Chef came to the table, I asked Big Brother to translate. 

Me: The Eggs Benedict are absolutely delicious. I can cook (believe that or not). I have made eggs Benedict and know how difficult it is. Yours are perfect – the poached egg runny, the hollandaise sauce tart, the avocado perfectly ripe and a great addition, the smoked salmon so good. And serving it on toast instead of an English muffin is a great idea. I cannot imagine how you did it. But you are a chef and I am not. Hahaha 

That is more or less the conversations that went on. There is more. Later, after Big Brother left for Mecca to see ‘our’ mother I went to the Japanese Restaurant where my Saudi Son works. 

Me: I do not need a non alcoholic beer Son as my Big Brother brought me a gift. 

He: Yes! I heard about it! He brought your five beers. 

Me: Good news travels fast. Hahaha 

Good news travels fast is an idiom, but not what one would think. This is what it means:  People are quick to discuss the misfortunes of others. However, more research found this: Although this concept may be intuitively accepted, there has been little evidence to confirm that the propagation of bad news differs from that of good news.

I did share good news on Instagram during my December 2022 Umrah. I met an eight year old Arab boy who was having lunch with his mother and siblings in the Olerio Hotel Tea Room. He was born in Washington D.C. and spoke limited English. He asked me if I had ever been to Mecca, so I shared a reel posted on Instagram. It was then I learned it had almost five thousand views. It needs to be seen, not for its amazing cinematography that is for sure, but for what it shows and what I said. I am so blessed! My hotel room had a spectacular view of the Kaaba, which enabled the video and a priceless photograph, framed on the prayer room of my Edmonton apartment. It is titled Mecca at Night. I will try and retrieve it to share. If not, I tried. Another blessing is to be in this hotel and meet this wonderful Muslim family, enjoying the three children and their mother. They live in Medina. So shall I. 

However, you can not open new doors until you close old ones. I emailed a letter of termination of my Edmonton apartment prior to the writing of this blog. It is impossible for me to return there. I shall quote from the email. 

“ First of all Hello and I do miss see you and members of your family. And I shall continue to miss you from the safety of Saudi Arabia. It is not safe for me to return to Edmonton. Muslims are subject to abuse as Islamaphobia rages and will continue to rage. As a Muslim woman alone, who will no longer hide her Muslim identity, I am at risk. 

Therefore, I am giving the thirty day written notice required by the lease I signed at the end of May of 2023.  As you know I was planning to return to Edmonton to, shall we say, pack up up possessions. I was going to find a suitable place for my furniture and perhaps and take some precious items (for example my prayer rugs and photos used in worship) with me back to Saudi Arabia. But this is is impossible and foolhardy. The plane fare, private transportation while there, possibly body guards. That is not feasible as you can see. 

That does rather summarize the situation. It was very difficult for me to do this but there is really no alternative.  I am blessed to have an alternative. Other Muslims living in Edmonton do not have this solution. Well, actually they might. Just apply for a Saudi Permanent Resident card. Saudi Arabia needs people of worth. 

I shall try and find the link to the Instagram reel and include it.  😀 I am attaching a reel I just made from the breakfast room of my refugee camp. Hahaha.  😀 :rofl:

More later I guess. I promise to discuss Arab Unity on the next blog. I am being distracted by my own humor. It is not satire but it is the best I can do at this moment.

Bye my fellow nonAmericans, nonCanadians etc etc etc. 

Here is the link to the Instagram reel of my Mecca at Night: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cl4HiDfgUSo/?igshid=emduOTY3OHYwd2ww