I readily admit that I have gotten far too serious of late. I also readily admit that my seriousness, concern and massive research has done absolutely nothing to remedy the genocide taking place in Gaza. Humour is not going to remedy the atrocity, but, as some stupid expression goes: it can’t hurt.
My humor standby during these last years has been Andy Borowitz of the New Yorker – he has not let me down in my hour of need. I am not up to date on the US political scene, but one does not have to be knowledgeable to find this satire funny. I find it hilarious. Andy is taking aim at the wife of a new guy on the US political scene, using the comments of a wife of a guy too long on the political scene, Clarence Thomas. Hold onto your hat, here it comes.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Expressing concern about the wife of the new Speaker of the House, Ginni Thomas said that Kelly Johnson “seems a little crazy” to her.“I don’t know Kelly personally, so this is just based on what I’ve read,” Thomas said. “But I have to say—she comes off like kind of a crackpot.”
What makes that SO funny is that Ginni Thomas is a total crackpot, she truly is, whatever that is but, honestly Ginni is not the model of sanity, rationality and reason. It does get funnier as we go along as you shall soon see.
“Noting that the operating agreement of Johnson’s counselling company, Onward Christian Counseling, appears to equate sex outside of marriage with bestiality, Thomas added, “I saw that and I was, like, ‘Whoa, Nelly! Looks like we’ve got a bit of a loony tune here.’ ”Thomas said she became “even more alarmed” when she read that Johnson offers “temperament counseling” based on the teachings of the ancient Greek physician Hippocrates.”
I am not sure that Kelly did say that bestality is the same thing as sex outside of marriage, or not. I guess it would depend on who you were ‘doing it with’. Some guys can be animals, that is true – but still the is a little far out. Ginni helpfully continues on to help a fellow ‘feminist’ in need.
“Someone has to tell her to dial it back a smidge,” Thomas said. “When you’re married to one of the most powerful people in the government, you can’t go around sounding like you’re cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”
A cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, what an apt phrase. I cannot wait to use it. I may not have an opportunity however, as Medina, Saudi Arabia is not populated by women who sound like they are cuckoos for Cocoa Puffs – no matter what country they might be coming from.
I have met many Muslim women from different lands – not any from the USA, nor Canada. One from Australia the other day and another from Australia whose daughter lives in Edmonton. But these Umrah pilgrims are only here for a couple of days and are most busy – praying in the Prophet’s Mosque and getting together with one another. They have no time for outside activities and I am an outside activity.
I am a bit of anomaly here.
Alter Ego: Alexis, what do you mean I’m a bit of an anomaly.?
Me: Do you not know the meaning of anomaly? Is that your problem?
Alter Ego: Go ahead define it. I know perfectly well you are going to do that anyway.
Me: You are right about that. It is something that deviates from what is standard, normal.
Alter Ego: Now are you going to give us some synonyms.
Me: Maybe, If you are good. But just one or two: peculiarity, quirk, edge case.
Alter Ego: That is three.
Me: It is. You can count. At least to three. Hahaha
I am a peculiarity, a quirk and an edge case as I am living here. This is my home. Pilgrims are here for two or three days. This is not their home.,they have a home. I do not. I am not safe in my own country, Canada. I am a refuge. But this is the best refuge camp in the whole world, in the whole universe. I laugh. People are SO jealous. All Muslims want to live in Medina – and I shall, not close to the Prophet’s Mosque. I do not want to live in a place close to the Prophet’s Mosque. That is great for a refugee camp but not as a permeant home. Hahaha
I am at this moment multitasking, so to speak. AK is driving from Riyadh, we are texting with the aid of emojis, GIFs and a reel which you shall view. We are both laughing as illustrated.
Me: I am laughing so hard I am falling off the bed.
At another time, when I was teasing him about the silliness of driving in the rain.
He: Oh I am dying laughing (four laughing emoji)
Me: Please not! You are driving stupid. Oops sorry Second in Command.
I have not seen AK or any of his family, nor his colleagues, nor his friends, in over a month. I would see him and many of his colleagues almost every day during my Saudi Sojourn in July, 2023 – so it has been a loss. But been in good hands at the Alexis Oberio Refuge Camp.
I was here in safety when the bombardment of Palestine began, Needless, to say it has gone on far too long. Relief does not appear to be in sight, instead an escalation of the war. First with Yemen and it seems Lebanon will be joining the fray.
Fray, again the right word. It can be a battle or a fight or situation of intense activity, typically one incorporating an element of aggression. Many synonyms, all awful: battle, armed conflict, fight, clash. One side is massively armed (Israel) – the other not at all, helpless, 50% of them children. Hammas have tunnels, they are safe. Not the Palestinians. Israel is a bully, a ferocious exceedingly dangerously well-armed bully.
Bully: a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable. The synonyms also accurately describe Israel: persecutor, oppressor, tyrant, tormentor, coercer, subjugator, thug, attack dog.
Israel is a thug, an oppressor, and a tormentor. Yes Canada, they are and you support thugs, oppressors, subjugators and persecutors. What is worse is that my US tax dollars have paid for all manner of armaments, soldiers, conspiracies, hush money and goodness knows what else to aid and abed persecutors, oppressors, tyrants tormentors, subjugators and thugs. I would call Israel attack dogs but that would insult the dogs of the world.
But back to humor. This is how the conversation between AK and I began.
He: I am actually driving from Riyadh tonight, stopping by Medinah to say hi to you and then heading to Makkah to say hi to Mom. Estimated time to Medinah around 7 am. I will text you to see if you are awake.
Me: I will be stupid. I wake up for Fajor prayer you know. I am so happy you are going to see your mother next because I have a gift for her.
Then we discussed his role and my dowry negotiator but it is all a big joke. I do not want to get married again – but as a Muslim woman I could get a dowry which is my money – not his, not his family’s but mine. Those Hindus do it the other way around. I am SO glad I am a Muslim. But later, as our strategy emerged.
Me: I do not want camels in the dowry. I know that the Prophet (PBUH) gave Khadiji camels but that was then and this is now. You have to feed camels and they defecate. So it has to be currency in some form, or property.
He: I understand.
Me: Great! We are such a team.
He: We are!
Me: We are but I think I should be the captain.
He: You always be the captain.
Me: Thank you kind sir.
He: My pleasure.
Me: You can be the second in command. But there are only two on the team. Huh
He: Aye Aye Captain.
Me: We are not pirates stupid. Oops I mean second in command.
He: (sent a pirates flag)
Me: How did you find that so fast. Okay you are definitely 100% in charge of that. I will be second in command for finding emojis and gifs.
Me: Do you know what you are doing? Just read there is rain and thunderstorms and all that stuff. And you are driving. Your sense of timing is off. Stupid. Oops I mean second in command.
He then sent a reel which I think I can attach to this blog.
Me: And do not feed the baboons that is an order form headquarters.
He: I will obey. I promised to before and I will continue to do so.
Me: But the reel is full of good news. You have windshield wipers.
He: Oh I am dying laughing (emoji)
Me: And it is not a convertible with the top down.
Me: I am putting your reel on the blog so the whole world can see how stupid you are. Driving in the rain BUT with windshield wipers. I am trying to be funny on the blog. This is helping.
He: Oh no (four distressed emoji)
Me: If you pay me a million I will not.
He: For good cause. Ok agree. Post it please.
Me: Great. Then I will. We gotta get the readership up. I am way too serious these days.
Then I suddenly, and quite stupidly realize something.
Me: Are you sure you can drive and text at the same time? Or do you have help?
He: Yes I have help.
I am typing this morning. Just got a message.
He: I will be at hotel in 30 minutes.
Me: I am SO happy!!! Where do I meet you?
He: In the lobby by the breakfast room.
Me: By the way, you are thirty minutes late.
He: I apologize Captain.
Me: Accepted, second in command. It was a long trip.
The reel of driving in the rain shall be posted. I am photographed sipping coffee in the Starbucks, located within this hotel. Some people think they are doing their part to protest against Israel by not going to Starbucks. But that is silly. Starbucks have franchises in different countries – different people from different countries own franchises. This particular franchise is owned by a Kuwait man. Kuwait strongly opposes Israel. Instagram is full of people posting, making reels showing empty Starbucks. So proud of empty Starbucks – the poor people are duped by Instagram, their own laziness and misinformation. I enjoyed my Arab coffee and special treats. Spoke with a young woman, black, uncovered. She was born in Saudi Arabia. She a Saudi citizens. A recent announcement informed t Saudi citizens that they will receive free medical care for the rest of their lives. I cannot become a Saudi citizen so free medical care shall not be mine. But I can buy a lot of medical care for $30,000 a year – the amount of Canadian taxes I must pay a year. I do get medical care but there are not enough doctors. I have a wonderful physician but I had to wait for an hour and a half to see her on my last visit. It is not getting any better there – it is getting worse. What was the biggest topic reported in AB Today – the legislature is dealing with auto insurance. Yes!! Definitely fiddling when Rome is burning.
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