I have no idea how Andy Borowitz does it – but he does. This comes, Andy says, from Sesame Street: “Ted Cruz’s unprovoked attack on Big Bird has cost the Republican senator the support of a longtime backer, Oscar the Grouch. In a rare press conference at his trash can, Oscar said that he had supported Cruz’s political career for years “to show solidarity with a fellow-monster.”
Now that is already funny, “a rare press conference at his trash can” but he goes on and gets even funnier (should that be possible). For Oscar, however, the dustup with the popular avian character raised concerns about further association with Cruz: “He could hurt my brand.”
“Don’t get me wrong—I can’t stand Big Bird,” he said. “His relentless sunniness, to me, is intolerable. But that’s no excuse for Ted Cruz to go off like an asshat.” How can one not love “he could hurt my brand” and the reference to hating Big Bird’s relentless sunniness.
But then Andy did it yet again! This time he is back at Trump, Trump and his taxes. “In the first major bombshell to emerge from the handover of Donald J. Trump’s tax returns, the Manhattan district attorney has announced that the former President claimed Senator Ted Cruz as a dependent. Speaking to reporters, Cyrus Vance, Jr., said that listing the Texas senator as a dependent was “highly unorthodox, to say the least.”
“For this deduction to be allowed, we would certainly need some documentation proving that Mr. Trump had adopted Mr. Cruz, or something to that effect,” Vance added. Now already funny, requiring documentation like adoption papers or something to that effect.
But Andy comes in for the kill. “From his home in Palm Beach, Trump issued a terse rebuttal to Vance’s statement. “Ted Cruz is my little baby, and everyone knows it,” Trump said. The tax imbroglio turned a spotlight on Cruz, who was suddenly under pressure to clarify his legal relationship with the ex-President.
“If it turns out that I am, in fact, Donald Trump’s little baby, that will be the greatest honor of my life. Cruz told reporters Oh My Goodness! Ted Cruz is Trump’s little baby and it is the greatest honor of Teddie’s little life. Explosive laughter!! Who needs emojis????
On this day I made a list of things that needed to be done, suddenly remembering that is what I did during those long days of the pandemic. I would motivate myself to function by making lists and dutifully cross out my accomplishments – doing the easy things first. Then moving onto things of greater complexity. It is most fascinating to look back on these days with some sense of perspective. I was actually very cheerful during that ‘winter of our discontent ‘ despite being totally isolated. Chris, my computer guru, was so right on when he said that the blog kept me going. But also what was essential, so very essential, was my new found faith. I had time, in my beginning phase, to read, to contemplate, to listen. Rather like the prophets, they all had a space of aloneness to be with Allah. Mohammed most significantly, Allah would speak to him through the angel Gabriel, then Mohammed would go back to his village, locate someone who could read and write, then tell them of his revelations. It was often his wife, as I understand. A powerful woman, fifteen years older than him, a business woman, who had employed him. She, by the way, asked him to marry her. I guess I should keep that in mind. (Hahaha). I suppose Personal Driver might take some of the credit – he did after all take me grocery shopping once a week which enabled me to stay away from people altogether most days but he was little solace actually as he is/was/and will be ignorant of the faith. He does that on purpose so that he can pretend he is complying with the faith totally by his ritual of five times a day prayer. Grandson, also a Pakistani, is the total opposite of him (thank goodness). Grandson has massive knowledge of the faith, discusses it with me. We sometimes argue, Personal Driver, I later found out, would never argue, just seemingly agree, about all matters, not just the faith. He definitely used and exploited me – I supported his family for months during the pandemic because he did not work. But, looking back now, I see it as charity and one is to be charitable, that is the essence of Allah’s teaching. Personal Driver would take money from me (and his sons) donating them in Allah’s name, thinking he was getting credit. He shall be must amazed on Judgment Day when his invoices to not match those of Allah. I am laughing actually. Wise Man said that Personal Driver will not be going to Paradise but driving passengers between the various stations in Hell. But enough of Personal Driver, well, for now anyway. I bed he thought I was through with him. Nope, Allah is instructing me to keep at you, since it is probable that your Pakistani relatives are reading this blog, even though you never did.
More United States news. It ends up I was right again and I love being right. It comes from being a lawyer, and a good one, or such a long time. Now there are not good lawyers, Like Brian Sherbuck and his boss who refuses to take my calls.
Receptionist: He will not listen to your voice mails until you are civil toward him.
Me: Well, that will be never. He was never civil to me, why should I be civil to him.
You see, he is rather clever – no sneaky. He protects himself as his legal papers do not include his email and his employee the Brian guy, also refused to give his email. I think the California State Bar may want to hear about this, they shall. By the way, I do actually have Brian’s email. I have my methods. I have better things to do with my time than fool around with these fools – and everyone (I do mean everyone, right up to the courts) let them get away with this lawlessness. But a phone call or two and an email or two will not take up that much time. Pretty well everything is coming together perfectly as I am surrounded by the most wonderful people. The list grows and will be mentioned soon. Real names, names, not nicknames.
Everyone knows that I do love being right. I am rewarded (yet again) by the New York Times. Recall what was said in a prior blog about Democrats loosing votes beause of pandemic malaise. I said that was silly thinking as the problems with the pandemic is/was/ and always will be Republican’s fault. Here is proof of my absolute correctness. “ The brief version: The gap in Covid’s death toll between red and blue America has grown faster over the past month than at any previous point. In October, 25 out of every 100,00 residents of heavily Trump counties died from Covid, more than three times higher than the rate in heavily Biden counties (7.8 per 100,000). October was the fifty consecutive month that the percentage gap between the death rates in Trump counties and Biden counties widened.” Some conversative writers have tried to claim that the gap may stem from regional differences in weather or age, but these arguments fall apart under scrutiny. The true explanation is straightforward: The vaccines are remarkably effective at preventing severe Covid, and almost 49 percent of Republican adults remain unvaccinated, compared with about 10 per cent of Democratic adults.”
But again, just to cheer you up a little, there are two funny cartoons from The New Yorker magazine edition of November 8, 2021. It does prove what you have known all along, I do have a weird sense of humor.