The Very Strange Effects of Ramadan Fasting; A Perfect, Absolutely Perfect Apartment; Vigor, Lassitude; I Love You; Being Loved by Allah; So Glad English is My First Language as English Such a Difficult Language; Forgiving My Mother and Being Able to Express It; A Photograph of a Quilt She Lovingly Made for Me

The effects of Ramadan fasting is most unusual, most unusual. I am left with almost no energy at all, and I am known for my vim, vigor and vitality. Vigor’s synonyms are superb: robustness, energy, healthiness, good health, hardiness, strength, stamina, sturdiness, fitness, good shape, good trim, good condition, fine fettle, toughness, ruggedness, muscle, power; bloom, radiance, sap; activity, liveliness, life, spryness, sprightliness, vitality, vivacity, vivaciousness, verve, animation, spiritedness, spirit, enthusiasm, fire, fieriness, fervor, ardor, zeal, passion, might, forcefulness, determination, intensity, dynamism, sparkle, effervescence, zest, dash, snap, spark, gusto, pep, bounce, exuberance, drive, push, elan; informal zip, zing, oomph, vim, go, get-up-and-go, punch; British informal welly; ANTONYMS weakness, listlessness, lethargy. So I am known for my fine fervor, my liveliness, my sprightliness, my effervescence, my bounce and my exuberance but now it is my lethargy and my listlessness that characterizes me. The former Alexis also had some measure of dynamism, sparkle and welly. I am convinced all of those qualities shall return after May 11, 2021. But in the meantime… The good news; pounds are being shed, proof shall be in a week when it is off to PCP I shall go. Accurate scales shall await me coupled with a record of prior pounds. The other good news shall be hinted at for reasons of decorum – Ramadan fasting (as modified by my physician) works as a purging of toxins, of cleansing. It Is necessary for me to take Metamucil – provides fiber to aid in large and small bowel production. So whatever goes in (which is not much these days) comes out. Decorum is defined as behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety. Used in a sentence: You exhibit remarkable modesty and decorum. Scores of synonyms: properness, seemliness, decency, decorousness, good taste, correctness, appropriateness; politeness, courtesy, good manners; refinement, breeding, deportment, dignity, respectability, modesty, demureness. ANTONYMS impropriety. Now I do admit that I am not exactly known for my demureness, nor my deportment but I can rise to the occasion, if need be.

So I am cleansed clear through and through, as a result of Ramadan fasting, loosing weight and spend most of the day in bed. I write from bed, therefore, that can go on but that is the extent of it. RN came yesterday and I have never in my whole life (as a person) lived in a neater, cleaner establishment. The patio was redecorated with her able assistance and ideas. There are now two horses, two geese, and a unicorn. I said this to a male passerby:
Me: Look I have redecorated and now have two horses, two geese and a unicorn. They are not real of course.
He: I love you.
Me (to RN) Did you hear that?
She: I did.
Kind Man is coming by sometime this week to do a few things, including perhaps putting a canopy on my four poster bed. Put up a gorgeous mirror that has been kept in my walk in closet etc. etc. etc. It has been decided that I will not pay him for his services. He is SO efficient, that they are done lightening fast. Someone else did some things for me – he was slow, inept and I paid him a fortune. Life does get better with each passing day. With AAA’s help I did a video for Instagram which consisted of a tour of my bathroom, which has been called an art gallery. It is in three parts and is most amusing, if I do say so myself. How many people on Instagram feature tours of their bathroom? Probably one, Alexis McTwit.

Another effect of Ramadan fasting is that I am easy on myself. Do not criticize myself for my laziness, my inability to exercise, my lassitude. That word just popped into my head – looked it up and here is the definition: a state of physical or mental weariness; lack of energy. Used in sentences: She was overcome by lassitude and retired to bed. A patient complaining of lassitude and inability to concentrate. A different set of synonyms: lethargy, listlessness, weariness, languor, sluggishness, enervation, tiredness, exhaustion, fatigue, sleepiness, drowsiness, torpor, torpidity, ennui, lifelessness, sloth, apathy. ANTONYMS vigor, energy. Here I lie in my ennui, my torpidity and lethargy. I am so grateful for this, eternally grateful, and Praise be to Allah, that English is my first language ( and in effect) my only language. It is SO complicated. The Qatar Kids are so amazing to me with their command of the English language is superb!

But the real question is this: Am I becoming more spiritual, more religious? The answer is a solid YES. I feel so loved by Allah. Once had a conversation with a man raised as a Muslim.
Me: I truly feel that Allah loves me and it is my job to pass the love and joy onto other people/
He: I do too
Me: Really?!?! But I must pass the love onto deserving people, not just anybody/
Well, it ended up that this individual was a person not deserving of my love, but that is Ok as I found this out quite early on. I am not bitter, just relieved and thankful to Allah that his true nature was revealed.

Forgiveness is another byproduct of Ramadan fasting. I am alienated from my youngest brother (who Is still pretty old). His photograph appeared on Instagram, through the auspices of a wonderful woman, whom I very much admire. Then I subsequently showed the picture to a friend which inspired me to write this as a reply on Instagram.
Me: I showed this picture to a friend who said I looked just like my brother. I think I am going to kill myself! Just joking!!
No response, and not actually expecting one for various reasons. But It felt good. For most complicated reasons I have forgiven my mother., who died several years ago. There are good and solid reasons why I bore a grudge (even stronger words could come to play). Kind Man rehung a quilt on my wall , the photograph shall be posted. I never thought my mother was proud of me and my accomplishments but it was just that she did not know how to express it in words, I guess. The photograph is a quilt she made for me – It contains photographs of many of my graduations. It begins with two photographs of my high school graduation, then one from the University of Alberta, then one from law school and the top is my graduation from Dominican University, here in Marin County. Wise Man, made a rather unprecedented visit to my apartment a couple of months ago. He said of all my possessions and memories herein contained that was his favorite.
He: That quilt your mother made you is my favorite.
Me: How sensitive of you! I think it is mine too and I can see it from my bed.

The Islamic faith allows me to express my mother forgiveness in a very tangible way which brings me much comfort. Not sure that this will be revealed on this blog, nor even to my non Muslim friends. But who knows????

The peace that fasting gives me is this: Allah, I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. It is difficult but I do not eat from sunrise to sunset, not do anything else I am not supposed to do. Well no sex is not a big problem as there is no mortal man around as I only can have sex with a man to whom I am married and I am not married at the moment.

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