There is a special humour section of The New Yorker and the article today discusses “Additional Reactions I’d Like for iMessage.”
I liked iPhones better back when they did not exist.
I will never be bothered to type out a full word for you.
I guess now we’re responding to LOLs?
Oops, I reached to this text by accident, I meant to ignore it.
I did not read this whole thing and I don’t plan to.
Then there is an hilariously funny story about post natal Victoria Secret underwear. I laugh and laugh. “ Slip into something more functional with this fabulously forgettable tank top. Constructed from cool jersey cotton, it will take you from day to night to day and back to night and then to day again before you can say “Is it Tuesday already?” This item is exclusively available in a super-saucy shade that we call “dirty white,” because it used to be white but now it’s filthy. For added va-va-voom, you can wear it inside out, back to front, or, for your ultimate flirty fantasy, underneath that flannel shirt you just picked up off the floor. Yowza! Somebody take the reins, because this mama is outta control.”
So I am laying in bed minding my own business and the phone rang. Who was it? The fourteen year old sister of the Sultan. She has decided she wants to come and be with me. I think it would be regarded as kidnapping and I would be in deep do do and maybe dead or in Dubai. Need I remind one and all that I hate the heat. So I waved at the mother, the nanny, the sister, and the darling ten year old brother. I wrote my blog master and said:
Me: This is all your fault. Look what you got me into. So the fourteen year old I definitely and for some unknown reason have bonded with one another. She is so spirited, so intelligent and so beautiful. But it seems that the Rulers of Dubai have a difficult time letting their daughters go. And even if I am 76 years old, I am too young to die. She could only come to the USA with massive security which would have to be provided. There would be only one person who could make those arrangements and we are not on the best of terms these days. Two more telephone calls from the Royals took place later in the day. The last was most troublesome with the fourteen year old swearing at me and utter confusion on the other end. But some resolution was achieved and control of the situation was achieved. . I have control of my iPhone, even when iPhones did not exist. (Hahahaha). I will call her and tell you the rules of engagement.
Me: Treat me with respect or I will never speak to you again! I will call at my own convenience, not when you feel like it without even thinking which time zone I am in. Do not swear at me – you kept saying Fuck You. There are repercussions to that – I fear you need repercussions. That word means: consequences result(s), effect(s), outcome; reverberation(s), backlash, aftermath, fallout, tremors. There are times to remind myself
Me: That is not my problem!
Alter Ego: You are right and there is really nothing you can do to correct a problem of such a deep seated nature.
Water aerobics at the Y were so invigorating and people welcomed me back, saying that they missed me. Then a walk to Presidio Sports Medicine to set up appointments for my physical therapy. Personal Driver picked me up and then to Walgreen’s for canned soup and bubble bath. These were hallmarks of an ordinary life, not an extraordinary life. An ordinary life is more comfortable. What is extraordinary? The definition: very unusual or remarkable. Its synonyms are: remarkable, exceptional, amazing, astonishing, astounding, sensational, stunning, incredible, unbelievable, phenomenal; striking, outstanding, momentous, impressive, singular, memorable, unforgettable, unique, noteworthy; out of the ordinary, unusual, uncommon, rare, surprising; informal fantastic, terrific, tremendous, stupendous, awesome; literary wondrous.
OK I changed my mind – I guess I want an unforgettable, unique, noteworthy, surprising life filled with fantastic and terrific experiences. Some even stupendous and awesome and wonderful. I was wrong, I admit it – no ordinary life for me.
Then I watched two videos and am now looking at life and things in a different way. But a sense of calm and serenity has descended. Order must be restored – my many absences have created havoc in my living conditions and must be remedied. I need to be clear headed in the days and weeks to follow – I owe that to myself and to another.
Photo is me on the sands of Dubai prior to the fall that led to a trip to a new tourist destination, Rashid Hospital Emergency Room.