Tiny, Tiny, TIA; Me, Only More So; I Believe I Can Fly; Ego Gratification Hopefully Not Leading to Narcissism

Well wishes continue to pour in. A sage individual wrote:

He: You are right; hospitals are to be avoided as people die there.

Me: Sometimes I forget how funny you can be.

But that person also paid me the most wonderful compliment, perhaps he thought I was dying and he should be saying nice things. .

He: When you showed me the picture of you from some time ago, I was struck by how attractive you were ( both at the time and subsequently). Not conventionally beautiful but a with a wow factor. And with a personality to match.. Lucky lady.

A visit yesterday to my Internist clarified everything. He is am amazing doctor, compassionate and most wise – well versed on all the recent research. He was most reassuring, saying that I had a tiny, tiny TIA, recommending statins to lower the chances of a further reoccurrence. He had received a call from the hospital’s Attending Physician, was most impressed with the young man’s knowledge and accused me of utterly charming the physician. It was all very ego gratifying, as I was not exactly at my best during my incarceration at the hospital. The hospital garb not stylish, no make up and not even a comb or brush.

Then is was off to my Wills and Trust attorney to sign the necessary documents. He was a friend of long ago – pre retirement days. We discussed the changes and different path my life had taken and I told him of statement made by the husband of my high school and University friend who had not seen me for years.

Me: Do I seem the same – the me of fifty years ago?

He: You are the same – only more so.

We laughed at the accuracy of that statement. So more ego gratification came my way. Of course I had to do some research on ego gratification and this is what I came up with: “Ego gratification is considered to be a strong motivator of words and actions for many people, how strong an influence it has depends on the individual and their mental state. When ego gratification goes too far it can lead to egotism and narcissist behaviors.” So better watch out certainly would not want to become an egotist or a narcissist.

Songs often pop into my thoughts, this one describes my current feeling of elation: I Believe I Can Fly. You must Google it, listen to the R. Kelly version, it is truly inspiring.

I used to think that I could not go on

And life was nothing but an distrustful song

But now I know the meaning of true love

I’m leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it

If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it

I believe I can fly

I believe I can touch the sky

I think about it every night and day

Spread my wings and fly away

I believe I can soar

I see me running through that open door

I believe I can fly

I believe I can fly

I believe I can fly

It does not seem to be narcissistic nor egotistical. Narcissistic: an adjective with this meaning: having or showing an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance. Egotistical: also an adjective with this meaning:excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself; self-centred. (She is selfish, egotistical, and arrogant.)

Today’s tasks include reading all of the materials related to the knee surgery. I have made a new friend, she is coming over and we are going out to dinner. She is neither egotistical nor selfish, instead advancing the causes of women. It will be such a treat to listen to her idealism and hope for society that recognizes women as equals.

The photograph is me in my hospital garb with a monitor.

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