Something very unusual is happening with me. I am making amends – what does that mean? I will Google it (such a surprise say my fans). So, of course it is there.
There are steps you take to make amends, which include:
1 Take stock of the damage you caused.
2 Express the desire to repair it.
3 Admit to your mistakes.
4 Find a way to repair the damage.
5 Be patient about getting someone’s trust back.
The damage that I cause is to myself, because when I get mad at someone (usually a man) I throw the baby away the bath water. Now I have got to look that up – what did I ever do without Google. “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” is an idiomatic expression for an avoidable error in which something good is eliminated when trying to get rid of something bad, or in other words, rejecting the favourable along with the unfavourable. Its origins are from a German proverb.
This is what I do when I throw the baby out with the bathwater when I get mad at a man I forget everything about him and our relationship. I forget all the good times, all the good things that the person has done for me and with me. I ‘forgot’ private tours of London, seeing parts of London that no ordinary tourist EVER saw. From another I ‘forgot’ biblical emails which brought so much joy to ‘wished for Dad.” From another I ‘forgot’ one of the funniest and sweetest lunch – and he paid.
My sense of humour allows me to express the desire to repair it I just laugh at how stupidly I behaved or forward a booking.com email to Manchester. Repairing the damage depends on the situation and the person. I have been so fortunate in getting trust back with two men. I sent a rather confessional true story to one man and he responded:
He: I like smart women that are emotionally stable.
Me: Do I fit into that category? Well, I am smart. (Then some private stuff about my emotional stability – I do not lie on my blog but I do not tell all – there are some people, places and things that remain private.
An other man joked back at me with his subtle sense of humour. But he did call me contrary, suggested that San Francisco was a better match because San Franciscans are more accepting of people “out of the ordinary”, rhapsodized about Welsh eighty year olds but did say:
He: You would probably have made a good one, in a previous incarnation. But perhaps not so kindly.
Me: I forgot how subtly funny you are! Are you funny with other people?
No response as yet, but I do not think he is – not seen him around people very much but not seen him be funny with others.
One man has been a difficult nut to cack but steadfastly I am working away at it.
The strangest thing happened the other day at breakfast here at the Inn. A woman and four men were having a boisterous and rather hilarious conversation, which made it easy to eavesdrop, so I went over to the table and laughingly asked them.
Me: Are you guys musicians?
They: Yes we are!
One man was a heavy metal drummer and I told him that I once had a friend who was a heavy metal drummer and showed them a picture and a Youtube video of him playing. The band was in Marin playing a gig in San Rafael, they live in Humboldt County – specializing in the music of Pink Floyd. At the conclusion of the conversation I asked a question and about fainted.
Me: What is the name of your band?
Me: OMG you are kidding!! The heavy medal drummer is a multibillionaire
He: The irony did not escape me.
The men were accompanied by a totally glamorous funny woman vocalist whose name is Josephine Johnson – she was performing that evening at another venue in Marin County. I took their picture later, sent it to her and you will now see it on this blog. It is a true story. I did communicate the story indirectly, it is the only way I am able to communicate with him There was a response but I know not from whom.