I have been led to believe that some read my blog to cheer themselves up – well you get what you pay for and moreover,, I am not always cheerful myself. But it pays to have contributing friends and I have several. So I was feeling more than a little depressed as the bus sped from Whistler to Vancouver. But there was a wonderful email from David, my London friend. He sends jokes that grace this blog. Here are some more.
You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A mate of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a moustache.”
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!” Next thing I know 4,000 f**king Muslims have added me as a friend!
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
So I read the jokes and laughed and was cheered. But those who read this blog may not be cheered and this is why and it is scientific. Passive consumers unconsciously compare their lives and mine and get jealous.
They: Why don’t I have a friend in London who sends me jokes to cheer me up?
Me: I guess I am just lucky that way. But that is not altogether true. Friendships and relationships take work with a great deal of give and take. Passive consumers are takers, never givers. So there! So there! So there!
Here is another example of give and take. F.A. (formerly affianced) and I were exchanging texts. I sent him a picture of me hugging a handsome young man who had been playing the bag pipes, which is my favorite instrument making me weep when I hear it.
He: Who is the lazy sod?
Me: His name is Ian McKay and he plays the bag pipes. Meeting him after the parade in the pub. Honest but I will always be true to you in my fashion. You are so funny!
He: Not necessary. Hussy’s have more fun.
Me: I am monogomomos. Or something/ This has got to go on blog. I am dying laughing again. You made the blog of the day and in a nice way. You are going to be famous too.
As faithful readers will know I was so looking forward to painting my face on Canada Day and had purchased face paint and all. I went to my room to artfully apply it. The lighting in Michael’s must have been poor. I did not have red, I had pink. I could not very well paint my face in pink and white. Those are NOT the colors of the Canadian flag. Oh well, too bad, so sad. Sometimes you do not get what you want, you get what you need, in the words of some song.
I was egregiously insulted at the Whistler Fairmont and some things are chronicled on Instagram. I will speak of it later. I need to calm down. F.A. said in a text message:
He: Now, now Alexis
I had one of my hissy fits with him. I also became incredibly angry with poor Hottie. I was watching the Denmark vs. Croatia soccer game at the Whistler. It was so exciting but I did not know what was going on because Hottie was supposed to tell my the rules of the game of soccer and he did an inadequate job (to say the very least). Fortunately Bret and his girlfriend were there to ask. Croatia won, it was SO exciting. But then I had the strangest reaction. I began to cry, really cry hard and I said: “See good can triumph over evil!” That was weird, even I think that was weird. Croatia, of course, is a new country and really in a way the underdog. But they won against an old country. It all relates to the Uncle Dave central focus in my life. Although there are quite a few other guys around that are, at least, alive.
The picture is of me and the bag piper.