A Joke About a Cow; Turning Alexis McBride into a Rational Being; VAG; and the Final Word on Mufflers (maybe…)

Sir Richard of Hot and I trained outside yesterday.

Me: I am going to tell you a joke about reincarnation that my friend David sent. .

He: Go right ahead

Me: A man was explaining to his wife that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. Then she said she would like to come back as a cow. He said, “You’re obviously not listening.”

He: (Laughing immediately) That is a good one.

Me: It took me the longest time to get that one and you got it immediately – it must be because you are from England.

He: It is probably because In England it more common to use the derogatory term cow when referring to a woman.

Me: You are so rational.

He: Yes, and I am trying to teach you to be rational.

Me: Oh, I wondered what the plan was.

So Sir Richard is taking on a massive task. It is one thing to help me make muscles and keep me limber and mobile but with the rationality thrown in, it is a full time job. Yesterday at the Equinox I was attempting to check out a billing problem and I was treated very rudely by Jennifer, a manager who also lied. Chloe was wonderful and supplied me with a printed out version of all of the charges since June 19,2017. I did text Sir Richard.

Me: I got a print out of all of my Equinox charges. I think I own you, not just a down payment but ownership!!!! Do I get a deed of trust?

He: No response as yet.

But Hottie is achieving a level of success. I was definitely angry with Jennifer but instead of getting into it with her I went outside and trained, later came back and got the charges from helpful Chloe and I do not think I will even bother with “punishing” the wrong doer. Subsequent conversations revealed that Jennifer is not well-liked or respected and her wicked ways will not be amended through any actions on my part. So Sir Richard should be rather proud of me. This must be remembered Sir Richard is Uncle Dave reincarnated and Uncle Dave said to me:

Uncle Dave: Stop fighting Alexis. Go the sidelines and watch, they will do themselves in.

Me: But Uncle Dave, I was a lawyer and no one was around to help me when I was little.

Uncle Dave: Stop complaining my niece. You are usually so positive!

An interesting example occurred at Vancouver Art Gallery yesterday. I was ably assisting How Now Brown Cow in his duties. A woman from Australia was asking all sorts of silly questions about the Permanent Collection. It was leaving me rather confused. But then I realized – almost every museum in the world does not have an admission charge for their permanent collection but charges fees for special exhibitions. This is not so at the Vancouver Art Gallery – there is a costly charge to get in VAG at all. I had not noticed since I became a member almost immediately and I get free admission. Is the ridiculous admission my battle? No. Will VAG do themselves in? Yes, and they already have. They do not have the funding to construct the new building and failure will be painted all over the faces of the directors and those in upper management. I have told many of the employees (who are uniformly nice people) that their collection of Emily Carr should be the permanent collection with revolving exhibits of photography. Will anyone listen to my wisdom? No probably not. But it is not my problem as I am a member and can come and go as I please. Sir Richard should remember that I gave he and his friend my two free passes for their visit to the gallery. I will be sure to remind him tomorrow.

I was going to ‘take on’ City Hall. I did put my money where my mouth was and paid Infoaction at Vancouver Public Library money to have research on weather or not there was a muffler by law. There is – is it enforce? NEVER. The means and the mechanism are utterly unworkable.

Section 2 Motor Vehicle Noise and Emission Abatement defines Disturbing Noises.

“The following noises are, in the opinion of Council, objectionable or liable to disturb he quiet, peace, rest, enjoyment, comfort or convenience of individuals or the public.

(b) a loud, roaring, or explosive sound emitted by a motor vehicle.

Then the enforcement is laid out in Section three which is a fine of not less than $250.00 and not more than $10,000.00 for each offence.

But how does all of this happen? “To report a violation, call 3-1-1 or fill out the violation form on the City’s website.

So I am going to stand on the street and call 3-1-1 turning in an insecure man with a small member? I seriously thought about it arming myself with one or two trainers from the Equinox and taking on the battle. And then going to a City Council meeting on July 10,2018 to point out that the mechanism did not work. But then a stroke of rational thinking struck. (thank you Sir Richard). Instead I turn on my air conditioner when home to drown out the sound and when walking on the street I now wear ear plugs.

Vancouver does not work, it is a corrupt city fueled my money laundering. I am not responsible for it, I only moved here a year ago. I love my little world – the library, the symphony, my favorite restaurants and formerly the art gallery and the Equinox. And I love my apartment. But I fear I will not live here until the day I die. I will be moving on at some point. Too bad, so sad.

The attached photo is a car that made a loud, roaring, or explosive noise. It is a Porsche I think. Am I turning him in? No I have better things to do with my time including finishing the biography of my uncle Dave Dryburgh.

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