As faithful followers know I have been suffering from a blog crisis, for several weeks, bordering on a month. I speak to my friends and the darlings attempt to help me. Lynne says:
“Re: the blog – you have a gift for drawing readers in and certainly a gift for promotion. What use is a blog if no one reads it?” Then Lynne lightens things up by telling me: “Read recently that the first book of Crazy Rich Asians is being filmed now, in Malaysia, with Asian actors.” That does cheer me up as I am definitely looking forward to seeing that movie because I LOVE the book.
But another friend struggled long and hard to help me. I complained that I had to end our email correspondence to blog. He was quizzical:
He: But I thought you loved to blog?
Me: I am starting to feel different about the blog. It doesn’t really give back. It seems like a parasite. It was good to write today about Son the Crooner’s Day Care in the Philippines and recognize his efforts and he was very touched by the praise and the exposure. But in an interesting way the blog has served to alienate me from others. It has changed my life but I am not sure I want to be such a public person. I need to find my way with it and use the ‘sphere of influence’ in a way that is meaningful. I have been able to cut back; now I write every second or third day instead of every day. That does relieve some of the self-imposed pressure. It is like everything in life – nothing is pure pleasure or pure pain.
Then Me Again: (sometimes the poor man can never let a word get in edgewise) More thoughts. It is very strange to become successful in something that you never intended. It is not the same feeling of accomplishment that comes from reaching a goal. It was a whim, this blog writing. Who am I writing it for?
He: That’s a question only you know the answer to. Are you writing it for yourself? To get your emotions out? To tell “someone” your thoughts? To share your convictions and beliefs to the open world? To know that someone is listening to you? To attain followers? With everything that you do, you should think of the purpose and benefits of your action, God knows we only have so much time in this life.I think it can feel like pain when you don’t see a purpose or end goal for you action. So perhaps give that some thought.
Me: Excellent questions! Your perspective is so helpful to me (as usual).You have such an incisive mind. Our thinking is strangely complementary – I provide the mess and then you sort it out. But without the mess there would be nothing to sort. I am positive that there is a more articulate way to communicate that thought. hahahaha.
I think in the beginning I wrote to certain ‘someones’ – no longer. (although one writes occasionally saying that I am always on his ‘thought waves’) At one time you said that it seemed that it served the purpose of putting things in perspective for me. Again, very incisive on your part. Another avowed purpose was to ‘get even’ by exposing the ‘sins’ of London City University. and Dolphin Square. Mission accomplished! Remember when I told you of my secret desire to make a man love me through my blog? And my friend Lynne said to me: “Alexis, you overdid it!” hahahaha I know several people read the blog to cheer them up – they are addicted to it for that purpose. (But it backfires, for interesting reasons contained in recent research.)
I have no desire to share my convictions and beliefs but I do have a desire to impart information and encourage people to think and to look more deeply into important issues. I know that my research into mother’s paying more attention to their cell phones instead of their babies for example, made an impact. On the other hand it is fun to share my friends and their funny and incisive comments and views.
I think I might blog this ‘conversation’. I will use your questions saying that a friend helped me look at this issue and use your questions. Would that be ok with you? You are an inspiration to me, The statement that you feel pain when you don’t see a purpose or goal for our actions is so, so profoundly true. This has been so helpful to me. Thank you times a billion.
He: Seems like you do have a purpose for your blog. Do what makes you happy and yes of course you can share that on your blog.
So the crisis has been averted. What a wonderful friend I have.His concern and caring is so apparent. I am so thankful for his presence in my life. It is nothing short of a miracle.
My old friend Bruce (since the age of 19) said at the beginning of the blog. “You have a very long history of quite deliberate and planful acts of life destabilization. This very much keeps you alive and energized. You will have a constant need to figure things out. You could keep this blog going for years because the next life change is just around the corner.
I think the Uncle Dave book and the blog share in this same identity finding purpose for you…the meaning of your past will be re-interpreted in the context of your newly defined identity. Quite fascinating, really.”
You have no idea Bruce! You have no idea! Nor do I actually.