Yes, believe that or not, ( I do not), I cannot think of a word to describe the feeling I am experiencing this August 9, 2024 morning. It is as if I am struck dumb. I can almost always find a word, particularly with a little help; but not in this instance. Struck dumb comes close, but it is two words, not one. (Please note, just added a touch of humor)
I have no other choice but to explain what led up to this. I have down times, my moments of despair that sometimes stretch to hours and even, occasionally, to days of despair. I am most thankful for my many blessings but, let us be a little realistic – I am a refugee of advanced age with no country, no family and few fast friends. An expression comes to mind – Get Real. Sometimes I do. It is not pretty.
One source of sorrow: misplaced mourning over the vast numbers those who have staged a vanishing act – disappear from my life These folks are taking up a lot of space in my mind, preoccupying, capturing my thoughts which should instead be used to focus on the faith and the good people who surround me. Found this quotation, by accident, from Will Smith (of all people).
“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do cause hate in your heart will consume you.” Will Smith
There is great wisdom to be found in this quotation. . First I used my intellect to understand why these people made me mad, disrespected me and treated me bad.
“Why?, say I “ Quite cleverly I came up with a # D formula. They either: Disappear, Disappoint or, in the worse scenario, Dehumanize. Could not immediately think of the third D but it eventually dawned. Then, when looking into the meaning of dehumanize, the search brought new knowledge, some of which shall be shared. Discovered a scientific paper which began “To lose one’s sense of what it means to be human reflects a profound form of loss. Recent research in the study of dehumanization highlights that the loss of humanness can be experienced at the hands of close others.” I do not necessarily recommend its reading as it is couched in scientific language but it is most insightful This summarizes the finding Dehumanizing someone takes two forms, you either treat them as if they are stupid, irrational and/or you treat them like they are just a machine to serve your needs. This is a translation of the following more complex language. :
“The denial of human unique- ness, therefore, involves treating a person as a child- das unintelligent, uncivilized, or irrational. The denial of human nature involves denying a person of the qualities assumed to separate humans from mechanistic objects [10,14]. Such qualities include cognitive flexibility and the ability to experience and express emotions. The denial of human nature, accordingly, involves treating others as if they are machines, rigid/narrow-minded, are useful only to serve another, and as if they have no feelings.”
In other words, dehumanization takes place when a person is treated like an irrational child or like a machine designed solely to meet their needs. Occasionally the creep does both at the same time. How do I know? I have been dehumanized more than once in my long life. It was enlightening to see the various ways I had been dehumanized by people who are no longer in my life. What am I going to do about it? That is the real question!
I came to this conclusion First of all: Decide if a person disappointed, disappeared or dehumanized me. Cleansing them from my mind will require different approaches. Overall, it though, be thankful for what the person gave me at the time. That is a good starting point. They perhaps helped me accomplish something, perhaps guided me for awhile to the straight path. But be careful with too much positivity. Do not, cannot go back looking to them for anything. Why? Because the well has run dry. No use going there for water, there ain’t any.
The analogy of the well running dry and the straight path has enormous meaning in the Islamic Faith. As Gary Wills empathizes in What the Quran Meant and Why It Matters,
“The Quran is haunted by something omnipresent, but only implicitly, the Arab desert. It is always there, in the background. One finds it in the yearning, everywhere, toward water —water as a symbol of God’ blessing. Water as God’s Blessing. Water as miracle. Water creating oases. Water as reward. Water as the instrument of ritual cleansing. Water as condition of happiness. Water as heaven. Water is even the essence of hell, where it is poured boiling down the throats of sinners. (Wills, Ibid. p. 56)
“Since water is so precious in the desert, knowing your way to water, to the next oasis, is a survival skill. The standard of a moral life is one that stays on the a path” (Wills, Ibid. pg, 68)
The opening prayer of the Quran is “Guide us to the straight path.” (1:6) .
Thought of a verse I had recently read during prayers – found it, Quran 5:105 “Believers take care of your own souls. The misguided can not harm you as long as you are guided. All of you will return to God. Then He will make you realize what you used to do.”
Briefly back to the Three Ds, derive a different resolution to each. If the person disappeared, no need to think about them. Occasionally, and casually, I edit the thousands of photos accumulated over the years. If I see someone no longer recognizable I delete the photo (unless it is particularly flattering of me.) The dehumanizer deserve different due diligence. All photos are deliberately erased. A solution was found to the gifts they might have bestowed upon me. I regift the often valuable trinkets. Spoke of doing this in my July 16, 2024 blog: The Trump So-Called Assassination Attempt; A Shout Out to Canada; Brief Description of That Political Scene; A Long Cautionary Tale of Good Prevailing Over Evil; Photographs of Gift Giving; A Bracelet and Donuts. Moreover I have the innate ability to compartmentalize – they go to a lockdown portion of my brain. They no longer exist.
Those that disappoint differ, will have a different fate. . Disappointment was defined in a March 2021 blog.
What is a Disappointment has a strong definition: sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations. Rather powerful synonyms as well: let-down, non-event, anticlimax; misfortune, setback, blow, reversal, stroke of bad luck, body blow, one in the eye; fiasco, disaster, catastrophe, mess, debacle; damp squib; flop, dud, washout, non-starter, lead balloon. Yes, a setback, perhaps a debacle, or a lead balloon. But awoke determined to put it all behind me and look at the experience as having a cancer removed from my life.”
Reading this reminded that this dilemmas not new. These days I take some responsibility for disappointments. I can have high expectations of people – ones they are not capable of reaching. It is not their fault. With them, those that disappointed, I can have contact. I envision meeting them at the well that ran dry, we both bring our water supply sit and chat. We do not meet often, but once in awhile, remembering our good times, with no expectations. .
Writing about this helped me immeasurably. I write for myself: to order my existence, to satisfy my curiosity. There is a certain freedom in this, possible because I do not want nor do I need, feedback from my blog. My ‘Instagram self’ and my ‘WhatsApp self ‘ are reliant upon recognition, on response, on numbers. I crave numbers. Here is an example, a WhatsApp conversation with Elephant Man, discussing Instagram views.
Me:Our hello Malaysia reel got 952 views. Almost 1K
He: You are incredible. I did not expect that.
Me: No, you are incredible. You filmed it. You know the statistics one, the pinned one you just liked? It had 2.4K views. Unbelievable.
He: OMG
Then I sent him my newest creation (which you shall soon see), with this caption.
Me: What a talent I now have
He: I love this video Such a talent u have
Me: Amy helped me but now I am good and look how I tied my Malaysian scarf. I sent it to a Saudi man and he just said he LOVED my blue eyes. Guess he did not realize how hard it is to tie a head covering. Hahaha
I conclude this blog on August 11, 2024. Leave tomorrow for Bali, not looking forward to it but necessary as I need to leave Malaysia for a few days, then return for a reactivation of my tourist visa. No Need to pack all my possessions, leaving them at Lexis Suites; traveling with only a small suitcase. The remainder of the day shall be spent packing, then a mani and pedi at Lexis Spa. Yesterday I got detoxified. The Detoxification by Amy left me relaxed and rejuvenated.
Reported the results to two friends via WhatsApp
Me: I had a body scrub and massage. Wow. I now have the skin of a baby
She: So true. Hahaha
This conversation with a Saudi friend
Me: I wonder what the Saudis will think of my Malaysian attire. I knew she was weird they will say now she looks it. Hahaha. I just had an incredible massage and body scrub. I have the skins of a new born baby.
He: They’ll love it.
I am practically positive he was talking about my Malaysian attire, not my new born baby skin. Hahah
Three photos, 1) me wearing one of my gifted Malaysian scarves, 2) me wearing Saudi Muslim attire; 3) a photo from the July 16 blog showing the regifting of a bracelet. Next, the reel I created for Instagram. New creation caption: My best to all in these troubled times. I learned how to tie my hijab in the Malaysian fashion. I love this country and the way they worship the Islamic Faith.
