I was in my room preparing to emerge, fully clothed and covered, for breakfast. As is my wont I was listening to my Apple Classical Chill. An evocative piece began, I recognized it but could not recall its name nor the name of the composer.
Wont is one’s customary behavior in a particular situation. Other words to use might be: custom, habit, practice.
When the opportunity presented itself did some research to find:
Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 6 is forever associated with the tragedy of his sudden death. In the last year of his life, 1893, the composer began work on a new symphony. Sketches dated from as early as February, but progress was slow. Concert tours to France and England and the awarding of a doctorate of music from Cambridge cut into the time available for composition. Thus, though Tchaikovsky could compose quickly when the muse was with him, it was not until the end of August that he was able to complete the new work. Its premiere, with the composer himself on the podium, was given in St. Petersburg two months later, on October 28.
Nine days later he died. His only remembered comment about the new piece is, “Without exaggeration, I have put my whole soul into this work.”
We are about to receive tmi, too much information. This is from the Britannica so it is reliable, unlike most social media. There was question at the time about the cause of death – family said cholera, but for many reasons this was not logical.
At the time, the mystery remained unresolved. However, evidence that came to light in 1978 suggests that Tchaikovsky spent his last months distraught over a barely concealed scandal in his personal life. The homosexuality that, throughout adulthood, he had fought to conceal was about to become public knowledge. Some have suggested that he committed suicide in the hope that ending his life would also silence the rumors. It is entirely possible, for deep depressions were common to him. Furthermore, he had attempted suicide at least once before. Perhaps this was another attempt that was also meant to fail, but instead tragically succeeded.
I did not need to know that, and neither did you. Became aware of facts not known: he came from an aristocratic family and that at the time, homosexuality was condemned in Russia, and that he had tried to commit suicide in the past. It does show that everyone has his cross to bear, which is an expression rather unusual for a Muslim to know, much less mention.
A cross to bear is A burden or trial one must put up with, as in Alzheimer’s is a cross to bear for the whole family, or in a lighter vein, Mowing that huge lawn once a week is Brad’s cross to bear: This phrase alludes to the cross carried by Jesus to his crucifixion. Synonyms of cross to bear: millstone. disgrace. load. misery.
Tchaikovsky’s millstone, disgrace and misery was despite having everything; money, fame, aristocratic family, renown, an immense talent he felt alienated and alone.
This morning, freed of the music, this thought came: if only he were of the Islamic Faith – then he would not feel alienated and alone AND his suicide would be forbidden. Just think how creative he could have been if he had peace of mind.
I am tone deaf, could not read music. Nonetheless, at the ripe old age of 51, motivated by having a grand piano in my living room I decided to take piano lessons. I was beginning to achieve a tiny level of mastery when, unfortunately, I stopped. Felt guilty because not enough time to practice, husband of the time would constantly be saying “Wrong note! Wrong note!
Here is the good news. Someday I shall begin again. Not at the moment as this refugee camp does not have a piano, but later, If not in this lifetime, in this dunya – then the next. There will be much time to practice in Jannah. I could perhaps become Alexis Tchaikovsky – Alexis is a Russian name, after all.
UTMs would be appalled at such a suggestion but we of the Islamic Faith know that Jannah is beyond our imaginations – with riches, colors beyond belief. And do not forget the river of wine!
UTM stands for Up Tight Muslims. There are many uptight Muslims; they are overly conventional or strict, often critical. In the 1960’s, the connotation changed to “straight-laced” or “conservative.” These people are not fun, unwilling to loosen up, go, or try unconventional experiences. UTMS interpret the Quran literally, verse by verse, without putting the verses in context, considering either the conditions at the time the Quran was written, nor the fundamental fact, that this is to be a religion of ease. Life is hard enough, it one does what is expected of them, then peace of mind prevails and one is rewarded by surprises..
This is an example of a rewarding surprise. Met the most amazing South African woman from Johannesburg yesterday. We got along famously, although the only thing we had in common was the faith. (If you get on or get along famously with someone, you are very friendly with each other and enjoy meeting and being together.)
We were two Muslims joined at the hip. Joined at the hip, an idiom, means inseparable, two people who are so close they are almost considered one person. The idiom joined at the hip first appeared in the 1960s in American English. It is assumed that it stems from the phenomenon of conjoined twins, formerly known as Siamese twin
She and her two children are coming to Medinah for six weeks in March. We shall see one another again Inshallah ( For Muslims, the term — which translates to “If God wills” — is auspicious: If you want something to happen, you should say inshallah before you say anything else about it.The Quran says “Never say of anything, ‘I will do that tomorrow,’ without adding ‘God willing. ‘”(18:23-24)
We both became in the faith in 2020. Her parting, laughing words to me.
She: We are covid babies.
Me: I never thought of that before. You are brilliant! I will have to think more about that.
Did not only think about it but did some research to find this from a Boston University publication,
Working from home may have meant having fun at home in 2021, which saw a US baby boomlet that was the first big reversal of declining birth rates since 2007, a new working paper by economists finds. The article all rather interesting citing fascinating facts:: “Above age 25, the baby bump was also pronounced for women ages 30-34 and women with a college education, who were more likely to benefit from working from home.” “Births to US-born mothers rose 6.2 percent in 2021, representing a net increase of 46,000 babies, the researchers found”
All that interesting, but totally irrelevant. It is impossible to second guess this, but if not for the pandemic which resulted in the closing of mosques I would not be of the Islamic Faith today.
I learned of the faith by reading, the Quran, books about the faith and much material found on the Internet. It was, in many ways, a pure faith. It was uncontaminated by mosques which are controlled by men and for men. I shall one day author a book explaining the complexities of my reversion to the Islamic Faith. It is said that you cannot judge a book from its cover, not sure that is true of my potential tome. The title: No Mosques for Me, with a photograph of me totally unrecognizable wearing huge eyeglasses and covered, with a niqab. The cover is lurking somewhere on this computer but I am not motivated to look for it at the moment. AK is searching for a publisher for the book. Got the cover, some leads for a publisher, all I have to do is write it. I have been in this predicament before – Uncle Dave never became the subject of a biography written by his loving niece. This blog took over my life. But my life is different now, I have found peace of mind in Medinah. We shall see, book or blog, book or blog. Inshallah.
You are about to see photographs of me in other Muslim attire. A screensaver was pictured in a prior blog, but I shall retrieve and repost. It pictures different ‘styles’ ending in a totally covered burqa. Mine, called a chador, is teal blue, a lovely shade. If it were black, I would look frightening. It has been rarely worn. It travelled on me to the Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi on October 20, 2021. The occasion; my first anniversary. I shall retrieve a photo: my Pakistani ‘Grandson’ who served as my driver for the day. (He WhatsApped to tell me of his marriage, got a month off from his job in Dubai, went to Pakistan and married the woman of his dreams.) Today my Saudi ‘Grandson’ did not recognize me this morning when I entered the breakfast buffet. His photo with me, obviously it was taken after he recognized me.
Then the funniest thing happened. The day before yesterday met a fascinating woman, the CEO of an Egyptian travel agency. Her name is Hanan Hassan Imam, her agency is Around the World. We had a great chat, laughed a a lot. Ran into her as she was checking out of the Oberio. She laughingly said: .
She: You are wearing your head covering upside down and backwards. That is why it is so uncomfortable.
Me: Hahahahaha Oh no! This is only the third time I have worn this thing. There is nobody around to teach me these things.
She: Just go into the restroom and put it on correctly.
Me: Why? I have already made a fool of myself Sometimes it is not easy being a Muslim woman.
We had our photo taken in the lobby of this, my elite refugee camp. She WhatsApped the photo. I have her permission to put her photo on both Instagram and the blog.
Me: I will tell you when the blog is posted on the Internet. Two thousand words is not WhatsApp material. Hahaha.
She: Laughing emoji.
Me: Then I will tell you when it is on Instagram. It will be a welcome change from my serious Gaza reels. One got 71.9K plays from Facebook. Brace yourself – our photos will not. Hahahaha
