I am feeling very daring, At the moment of this writing, Saturday November 29, 2019, I am tethered to the ice machine having stayed in all day, out of choice as Personal Driver would have taken me where I wanted to go. But I was tired and kept falling asleep which is mighty unusual for me. Rather inexplicable in some ways but sleep is now coming easier as the pain is diminished and my body and mind need a rest.
So I am thinking daring thoughts, partially conveyed to friend Jennifer. The phrase Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained comes to mind, so of course I Googled it. This is what came up.
“There is a proverb, which sounds in Ukrainian: “He who doesn’t risk, doesn’t drink champagne” with the analogy in English “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” The meaning is quite obvious in both cases: if the person doesn’t take any risks in life, he or she will not achieve anything in life. It seems quite logical – only those people who have the courage to take some action and do something in life, without having any certainties or guarantees for the future, will become successful in life. But not everyone is like this. Quite often, when it comes to taking some risks in life, we might feel butterflies in the stomach and become hesitant as to whether or not to take those risks. There is always “what if…” floating in the head: “what if I fail; what if I lose all my money; what if I am making a wrong decision,” and so on. There is a rational kernel in all those hesitations. And so, very often, we might be at the crossroads and never know what decision to make. There is always a dilemma: to take a risk and later reap the benefits of one’s courage and action, or not to risk one’s stability? And is it worth taking risks in life?”
I do admit to being a risk taker – in some ways. I do not have a hefty retirement for nothing – stability for a long period time has enabled risk taking at this point. But I cannot imagine being on my death bed thinking:
Me: Why did I not take that action? What did I have to loose really? What was the down side?
Alter Ego: Well it might mean leaving almost everything that is familiar and right now you are feeling most comfortable living in San Francisco.
Me: Indeed! And who knows? But, no matter what, I will always have my retirement income and my investments.
Alter Ego: That is true. But promise you will not do anything rash!
Me: I promise! I have a lease and I just joined the YMCA so I can go to water aerobics.
Alter Ego: OK. I feel better.
Me: And there will be other safeguards.
Do you not love that phrase used in the beginning of this blog;I am tethered to the ice machine. Its synonyms are tied up, tie up, hitch, rope, chain; fasten, secure; bind, fetter, shackle, restrain. ANTONYMS unleash, release. The horse was tethered to the post.
I am shackled to an ice machine, bound and fettered to this thing. But it is making me well and will allow me to get on with my life, sooner rather than later. I need to get to London as a first step for many reasons. To celebrate with my close friends, to get well needed and deserved hugs, to be made beautiful by Shabez, to do a victory dance around Dolphin Square celebrating its demise and visit my favourite restaurant in the whole world, the Rex Whistler where I shall be seated at the Lord and Lady’s table, I shall go on a Sunday and have roast beef – cooked very rare with no Brussel sprouts on the plate as commanded. I will get to see Chris and Claire and drink too much wine with them yet again. Visit my ‘children’ – those paintings glorified in my Tate book. Go to the theatre with Greg and David. Get my manuscript from Adonis. Visit Flower Girl and Flower Girl’s Wife. Go to the car boot sale.I cannot wait! I truly love San Francisco, treasure the neighbourhood in which I live but I so miss everyone. My last visit to London in December, 208 was marred by many things – the knee pain had just begun, received bad news from one guy, got outrageously angry at an other guy. Both are nominally in my life at the present and we are fine, sharing affection for one another. Well, it is not a three some, for goodness sakes. I have some propriety. Propriety: Decorum, respectability, decency, correctness, appropriateness, good manners, courtesy, politeness, rectitude, civility, modesty, demureness; sobriety, refinement, decorousness, seemliness, becomingness, discretion, gentility, etiquette, breeding, conventionality, orthodoxy, formality, protocol; formal probity; humorous couth.
Now, admittedly I am not exactly known for my decorum, couth and demureness BUT a threesome would be beyond the pale, especially at my age. But then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I jest, for one thing I am sure they would not like one another. How extremely awkward that would be. I do laugh just thinking about it.
The photograph is of me – taken at the Lord and Lady’s table during my last visit to the Rex Whistler. I am coming back, in glory and with a new knee that shall be fully functional.
