I am surrounded by the most wonderful friends – well not exactly surrounded as you soon shall learn. Yesterday I sent my wonderful computer guru the picture for posting – it was an email with the subject line: Picture of Orgasm. I was standing at a stop light and opened his response:
He: Wow I was a bit hesitant to open this email ! Xx Thanks, Chris
Me: OMG I was almost arrested for public disturbance as I was laughing SO loud at your email when I opened on the streets of Vancouver scurrying toward my gym.
Now Chris does not exactly surround me as he lives in London but when I shared his email with the folks at the gym we all laughed hilariously. I brought Orgasm with me to the gym and told one of the trainers that I was going to apply it.
Me: Irish Cream, I am going to put on my makeup – the orgasm blusher. Do you think I could go to the Men’s Dressing Room instead of the Women’s?
He: Either one!
Me: But I am not gay.
He: Its not too late to try
Me: I am 75 and you know that saying: “You can not teach old dogs new tricks”.
Then, later in the evening, I came home to an email from Jordan – we were sharing wisdoms, I learn a lot from her. She is 24 and does not exactly surround me as she is a New Zealander going to law school in Melbourne Australia. But we have an uncommonly close bond, meeting one another in the loo of the Sausalito Ferry in January 2018.
Then I woke up this morning to one of David’s precious joke emails which caused me to laugh so hard that I almost wet myself. I will pass on some of the truisms and give you guys the giggles. David and Greg live near London, England. (not Ontario) I met them at a play at the National Theatre in 2015 (I think). The theme is old people:
1 For better digestion – I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine. In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine. In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch. And when I have a cold, I drink Schnapps.” “When do you drink water?” “I’ve never been that sick.”
2 When I’m an old lady I’m going to leave snack in little bags on the floor all over the house in case I fall down.
3 When I was a kid, I wanted to be older…This shit is not what I expected.
4 Think old and you’ll be old. Think young and you’ll be a delusional old fart.
5 If things get better with age then I must be getting close to freakin’ magnificent.
6 At the age of 65 my grandma started walking five miles a day. She’s 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
7 A black screen with this caption. Nude selfie in the dark just for you. You’re welcome.
But some friends are closer to home. I opened Instagram this morning and there was a feed with Irish Cream singing. I messaged:
Me: Singing is not your forte.
Then somewhat immediately I received a response:
He: I am a good singer hahaha
Me: Reality check! No you are not! I am laughing so hard right now!
Now Irish Cream does live in Vancouver and is a personal trainer at my gym, Alexis’ Equinox.
Now there are those that would say:
They: No, Chris is your computer guy, David lives in London, Jordan you barely know and Irish Cream is a trainer at your gym. They are not your friends.
Me: Yes they are! And a much better friend than you, you negative person.
I am supposed to ask myself this question before embarking on any friendship or adventure.
DW: As yourself. “What’s in this for me?” “What will I get out of this?”
Me: Is not that selfish?
DW: Perhaps! But you have got to do it, you must conquer your empathetic tendencies They get you in trouble.
Me: OK. I will try.
The picture is of me and some of the guys at the Equinox, it was taken in October of 2017.
Inside I was dying because I had not asked myself the essential question and I was bereft. .
