Being Surrounded by the Most Wonderful Friends; Jokes from David; Irish Cream Cannot Sing; and What’s In It For Me?

I am surrounded by the most wonderful friends – well not exactly surrounded as you soon shall learn. Yesterday I sent my wonderful computer guru the picture for posting – it was an email with the subject line: Picture of Orgasm. I was standing at a stop light and opened his response:

He: Wow I was a bit hesitant to open this email ! Xx Thanks, Chris

Me: OMG I was almost arrested for public disturbance as I was laughing SO loud at your email when I opened on the streets of Vancouver scurrying toward my gym.

Now Chris does not exactly surround me as he lives in London but when I shared his email with the folks at the gym we all laughed hilariously. I brought Orgasm with me to the gym and told one of the trainers that I was going to apply it.

Me: Irish Cream, I am going to put on my makeup – the orgasm blusher. Do you think I could go to the Men’s Dressing Room instead of the Women’s?

He: Either one!

Me: But I am not gay.

He: Its not too late to try

Me: I am 75 and you know that saying: “You can not teach old dogs new tricks”.

Then, later in the evening, I came home to an email from Jordan – we were sharing wisdoms, I learn a lot from her. She is 24 and does not exactly surround me as she is a New Zealander going to law school in Melbourne Australia. But we have an uncommonly close bond, meeting one another in the loo of the Sausalito Ferry in January 2018.

Then I woke up this morning to one of David’s precious joke emails which caused me to laugh so hard that I almost wet myself. I will pass on some of the truisms and give you guys the giggles. David and Greg live near London, England. (not Ontario) I met them at a play at the National Theatre in 2015 (I think). The theme is old people:

1 For better digestion – I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine. In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine. In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch. And when I have a cold, I drink Schnapps.” “When do you drink water?” “I’ve never been that sick.”

2 When I’m an old lady I’m going to leave snack in little bags on the floor all over the house in case I fall down.

3 When I was a kid, I wanted to be older…This shit is not what I expected.

4 Think old and you’ll be old. Think young and you’ll be a delusional old fart.

5 If things get better with age then I must be getting close to freakin’ magnificent.

6 At the age of 65 my grandma started walking five miles a day. She’s 92 now. We have no idea where she is.

7 A black screen with this caption. Nude selfie in the dark just for you. You’re welcome.

But some friends are closer to home. I opened Instagram this morning and there was a feed with Irish Cream singing. I messaged:

Me: Singing is not your forte.

Then somewhat immediately I received a response:

He: I am a good singer hahaha

Me: Reality check! No you are not! I am laughing so hard right now!

Now Irish Cream does live in Vancouver and is a personal trainer at my gym, Alexis’ Equinox.

Now there are those that would say:

They: No, Chris is your computer guy, David lives in London, Jordan you barely know and Irish Cream is a trainer at your gym. They are not your friends.

Me: Yes they are! And a much better friend than you, you negative person.

I am supposed to ask myself this question before embarking on any friendship or adventure.

DW: As yourself. “What’s in this for me?” “What will I get out of this?”

Me: Is not that selfish?

DW: Perhaps! But you have got to do it, you must conquer your empathetic tendencies They get you in trouble.

Me: OK. I will try.

The picture is of me and some of the guys at the Equinox, it was taken in October of 2017.

Inside I was dying because I had not asked myself the essential question and I was bereft. .

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