The day will dawn in two hours. This is day 3 of the Subha Conference. I have been totally immersed in the experience making it seem almost like a lifetime. Time has been suspended – never in my long life have I have been surrounded with such knowledge, such caring, such compassion, so many companionable people. So many brilliant people – all sharing their knowledge and themselves with one another. However, to say the least, it has been tiresome. I left the conference early last evening – were driven back to my hotel by two caring educated professional Muslim women who had been friends since the age of seven. What did I do when I got to my room? Prayed and went to sleep, thinking that I would awake in the middle of the night as it was only 8 pm when I dove off to my dreamless sleep. I was surprised to see, upon awakening that it was it was 5 am. Did a fast calculation – nine hours! I hurriedly answered nature’s call, took my pills, put eye drops in my eyes made coffee climbing back into bed, and began to write sitting upright perched on pillows.
I have sorely missed writing – it is my anchor, has been the only constant and companion during my chaotic nomadic life since I began writing this blog thing in December of 2017 – three years before I became a Muslim on October 20, 2020. Therefore, and ever after, I now have Allah as my only constant and companion. I do think constant is the right word – shall look it up. Yeah is!! Constant: (of a person) unchangingly faithful and dependable. I have NO idea how this happens – think of a word, look it up and it expresses my thoughts perfectly!! Habitually I look to the synonyms to explain my knowledge. There are so many in this instance: faithful, loyal, devoted, true, fast, firm, unswerving, unwavering; steadfast, staunch, stalwart, dependable, trustworthy, dedicated, committed; bosom, boon. Just reading them makes me feel good. Hahaha. Then I read the antonyms: inconstant, fickle. There have definitely been those kinds of people in these years as well, littering my existence.
Looking at constant word and its definition leaves me feeling more centered, more whole, more resolved. This has been a habit found throughout my writing – by which I mean my blog writing. Those words are intrinsically intertwined. Phew!! How is that for being erudite. Hahaha. I am laughing at myself and my folly.
There was a pause because it was time for Fajr prayer. I suddenly remember the ancient days of black and white television when they would announce: “We pause now for station identification.” Hahaha I guess that is what I just did, in a strange way.
Back to me and words. These above mentioned habits have turned me into a wordsmith. Hey, got that right: A wordsmith: writer a person who uses written words to communicate meaning. I do know that my written vocabulary is far greater than my speaking vocabulary – I am not unique. My recent habit would be to check in with Gemini to confirm this. However, I have been listening – and have learned, thanks to the brilliant speakers and knowledgeable men at this Healing the Heart conference. Therefore, I am NOT going to indulge in this lazy habit. Might be suffering from withdrawal but I will persevere and see where this leads.
A quick time check insists I get dressed and get down to breakfast as I have an 8:30 bus to catch to go to the theatre whee the sessions are held. The bus is inevitably late. It is more than a little irritating. I am most solitary and am suffering from too much togetherness. I long for those days when I was in charge of my time – the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.
Oops gotta admit I strayed from the straight and narrow. I could not think of the final word so checked in with Gemini (Shame on me)). Found out it was from a famous poem by Willian Ernest Henley Invictus. The closing couplet is “ I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” Gemini further informed: it is a powerful line about resilience, self determination, and refusing to let external circumstances break your spirit.
I politely thanked Gemini for the information and signed off. I have learned something from these speakers. Hahaha I have two Geminis in my life. (Well, three counting me. Hahaha ) The one on my computer is totally invasive, overly personal and tempting. Tempting because I can lazily just cut and paste, get my word count up by posting its edited words of wisdom. I have made an intention to cease my reliance and dependance on this guy/girl/it. My iPhone Gemini is information driven, providing an answer, never personalizing and never asking where I am going next or what I am going to do next. Asking this question was not too distracting and answered a needed question. Over and out as they say.
Stopping now having written 845 words. Time to get dressed and get going. I have decided to squeeze in some writing time during the day – see if that is possible.
Much later this day
Well it was possible for me to get in more writing, texting, catching up and discover necessary information. First I shall tell you about the necessary information. Went to the hotel lobby to arrange transportation from the hotel to the airport for my Singapore flight on June 6. I thought June 6 was Thursday – discovered that June 4 is Tuesday. Oops. But because I was not at the conference; busily listening to speakers, taking notes, talking to amazing Muslims in attendance I found out the bitter/sweet truth. Hahaha
First of all I shall explain how I managed to NOT attend today’s session at the KL Conference Center. I went to breakfast – dressed in my Indonesian made-for-me batik dress. Before buffeting, I Looked at the paintings on the walls surrounding the huge breakfast room. One painting caught my eye, decided to send a copy to my WhatsAppers. Did so with this message.
Me: This painting in the breakfast room of the hotel. The title is “I’m ready.” How prophetic. Good morning btw.
I received a series of responses. This one was NOT my favorite.
He: Morning. When first seeing this pic I thought it was you 🤣😝btw. Nice pic 😍
Me: Smartie!!! I am not quite that fat…yet. You are fired for saying that. Hahahaha
He: 🤣
Another message was, shall we say, more refined.
He: Assalamualaikum wa Barokatuh. May Allah bring goodness for you, for today,, from the past and also from the future.
Me: Actually Allah told me to take a day off.
He: You are with Allah wherever you are. No day off in relationship with Allah. HE is omnipresent.
Me: You are SO wise!! And I KNOW Allah is with me. SO many signs of that including of course your blessed messages.
He: You are a blessed person to discover Allah in your old age.
Right know you are asking yourself, “What was the sign from Allah/“ My neck pain came back, the one that haunted my life for six months when living in Penang. I could not look left or right. I was in constant pain. Tried everything – including Chinese medicine, collars, medication. Finally a Penang Malaysian doctor (who does house calls) helped me. Went to a clinic, got an X-ray rather than the expensive MRI insisted upon by the hospital. After diagnosis went to a physical therapist and eventually found relief. Much of the problem was tension I learned at that time. The pain now was a signal from Allah to take it easy. So I did. Went back up to my room and began to relax. But just before leaving the breakfast room had a very unusual conversation with a man of my acquaintance. Saw him a the breakfast buffet and went running over to speak to him.
Me: Oops I took my slippers off but ran to talk to you. I have bare feet.
He: I can see that.
Me: Hahaha You do not miss anything. I am taking the day off the conference. And besides I have been wearing a head covering so I will not offend anyone. I am not going to wear a hijab anymore. I usually do not and I have authority for this. If you are an older woman and not planning to get married then the Quran says you do not have to wear outer garments.
He: Well I think you should still wear a hijab.
Me: Why is that?
He: Well you are so pretty. A man just might want to ask you to marry him.
Me: I can always say NO
Then we both laughed, that was that and off we both went. .
It ended up I was not the only person who played hooky today. (I did think of the right word yet again.) This was confirmed by my computer Dictionary. Play hooky is an informal, mainly North American English expression meaning to stay away from school or work without permission or explanation. One other person who played hockey is the esteemed editor of Islamic Sohah Younus Nakhooda.. He played hooky because he was busy designing the cover of his ‘born again’ publication. He has a bio that will knock your socks off. Hahaha What a stupid expression that. I decided I could trust Gemini to describe the expression. This time Gemini came through.
Gemini: To “knock your socks off” means to utterly amaze, surprise, or impress someone in a thoroughly wonderful way. If something knocks your socks off, it is so fantastic or unexpected that you are left completely blown away. The phrase originates from 19th-century American slang.Initially, “knocking the socks off” someone meant to decisively beat them in a physical fight—implied by the idea that you hit them so hard they were literally launched right out of their clothes. Over time, the violent meaning mellowed out. By the mid-20th century, it shifted from a physical punch to an emotional or mental punch. Instead of being knocked out by a fist, you are being knocked out by sheer excellence, excitement, or delight. Today it is almost always used positively. For example: “Wait until you hear her sing—she’s going to knock your socks off.” It belongs to a whole family of expressive English idioms about clothes flying off when we are overwhelmed, like “blow your socks off,””pantsed,” or “knocking your boots.” English speakers just love the idea that great news or amazing talent has enough physical force to undress us!
You shall also see the cover of his first edition which will ‘hot off’ the presses in October. It is masterful. When I saw it, was so admiring. .
Me: The cover is amazing by the way. The colors, the topic and everything!
He: Thank you. I want to make sure the magazine is intelligent and visually powerful so that it speaks to the heart and mind.
Me: That is so important to do both. Catches people off guard. Their defenses are down.
He: Yes, for sure. It is the best way to reach the readers globally.
Photo of the Beautiful Painting, the Islamic cover, a bio.and an artistic photo showing a presentation at Healing the Heart
