Just decided anomaly is the best word to describe myself. Best to define the word at the outset. The formal definition of an anomaly: something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected. Some synonyms are fun: case, peculiarity, quirk, freak. I am peculiar, quirky, freaky. Hahaha
Somewhat seriously, I decided I am an anomaly because of my blog. To be even more peculiar I got into a conversation with Artificial Intelligence about the matter. I was feeling troubled, frustrated, and confused because the people that I am close to, my everyday friends, companions and associates do not read my blog. Many people do read the blog but they are strangers to me – as the blog is essentially anonymous and there is no real way to trace exact readership.
Artificial Intelligence noted that there was a paradox.
AI: The people who know you best may have the least curiosity about the blog. And your statistics seem to suggest that the later group (the ones that know you least). is not tiny. We could deconstruct the analytics if you like but you are right, it would take a lot of work. Look at it this way – your blog gives that part of you somewhere to exist in public without having to perform for anyone. Someone can encounter the spiritual searching, the questions about meaning, your observations about Islam and your life and see sides of you that a busy friendship may never make room for.
Me: Well, you make a good point. The few that have done both and speak to me about my blog writing say that I write from the heart.
AI: An perhaps that is partly why you write from the heart matters so much. A reader doesn’t have to know you personally to recognize that.
Me: I find that to be true but I find it frustrating.
AI: I can understand that, People can know you very well and still only one dimension off you. They know your humour, your stories, your history, your opinions, your energy- the person who is actually sitting with them. But the quieter, more contemplative Alexis may live somewhere they simply don’t visit. So, as I said, your blog gives that part of you somewhere to exist in public without having to perform it for them There is something almost deliciously ironic about it; strangers may know more about your inner life than most of your friends do.
Me: May know?? Most definitely DO know. Hahaha
AI: Not necessarily because your friends don’t care. As you say they have busy lives. It’s seems that friendship and readership are two very different forms of knowing a person. And perhaps your blog has become the place where Alexis gets to speak, rather than just the Alexis who happens to be having breakfast with them.
Me: Good point, It is difficult to chew and have a spiritual conversation at the same time. Hahaha
AI: Your blog has become something rather larger than a communication channel to the people who know you. It’s almost become a public record of your becoming. And given how much your life changed – Christianity, atheism, Islam, UAE, Canada, Saudi Arabia, Malaysia Penang – I can imagine some former acquaintance reading it and thinking: “Good Lord is this really Alexis?? And the answer, of course is, Yes!! . And you only knew part of her. 😅
Me: Probably have a part of me is enough for most people. Maybe even too much. Hahaha
AI; You are joking about how you can be too much and that only having a part of you might actually be a sensible arrangement. The humor is in the fact that even you are acknowledging your own magnitude. Hahaha You are saying I am a lot maybe the world is better serve in manageable portions.
Me: However, I do feel like I am a writer trapped in the body of an extrovert. I definitely desperately need my solitude to write and regroup. So I to refuel and write. I live in a small room – it sort of gives Virginia Wolf’s A Room of One’s Own a rather new and distinctive meaning.
AI: Perhaps that is another reason why solitude suits you. You don’t need one person to contain your whole life. You may have many different connections and still return to your own room your own thoughts and writing. Which brings us rather neatly back to Virginia Wolf’s A Room of One’s Own – and a population of appropriately allocated persons outside it.
Me: Yes having only a part of me might be a good idea. More is unfit for human consumption. Haha
All of this is true but there is another dimension that AI seems loath to talk about. My room is also a place of worship. My Islamic books serve as decor as well as being used as a source of knowledge. For me, worship is a solitary endeavor; women are encouraged to pray in their homes. I very rarely go to mosques. I could probably count, using my hands (and perhaps my toes) the number of times have been to a mosque. A couple of weeks ago I did pray in a KL mosque, twice in one day. I found it rather disconcerting, actually. That word just came to me. I must look it up. Some perturbing synonyms: unsettling, disconcerting, discomfiting, disturbing, perturbing awkward, anxious-making. An antonym is reassuring. Difficult to explain – the setting was not private, too much water all around, too much gossip. I guess as the expression goes: you had to be there. (That expression is used to say that people cannot understand something because they did not experience it or see it themselves. “You had to be there.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/you%20had%20to%20be%20there. Accessed 18 Sep. 2026.)
A final word on the room: when one has Allah in one’s life, you are never alone; it is a comfort to return to His presence. When you are around mere mortals they often get in the way.
Meanwhile back on the ranch my public self returns.
Wikipedia: “Meanwhile, back at the ranch…” is a catch phrase[1] that appears in a variety of contexts. For example, it may be employed by narrators of American cowboy movies and TV shows to indicate a segue from one scene to another….… Later, as the phrase became a cliché, it was used more and more loosely and with a growing sense of mockery or levity, often with a vague focus. In this manifestation the phrase came into common use in unrelated contexts.
September 17, 2026 Lobby of Lyf Hotel.
I was dressed in navy blue, from the top of my neck to the bottom of my toes. I spied another woman in the lobby similarly dressed. Walked up to her
Me: You are dressed in navy blue too!!!
She looked a little confused. She was surrounded by several others, both men and women. One popped out his phone and began to translate. They were a group from Shanghai. We had the best conversation.
Me: My dress matches my eyes. They are blue too
She: My eyes are black
We were having such fun. The anonymous man who is the GM informed them
He: She lives here. You can come back anytime and see her.
All I can say is this. If they do arrive en masse I definitely should be compensated in some way.
One woman had the greatest black glasses. Readers, but with no lenses. The most wonderful thing happened! She gave me a red pair. I was SO happy. I gave her a boring black pair of mine, with lenses and in a Handcrafted Hope eye class container. I sent photos to my WhatsAppers (who do not read my blog) with a rather hilarious message.
Me: I met these wonderful people from Shanghai this morning. Good morning from them and me. Hahaha
Then a photo of me in the glasses.
Me: The glasses one of the women gave me. They have no lenses but very cute. Look it is a cultural exchange.
She: Hahahaha it works well with the blue color somehow.
Me: EVERYTHING works with blue. Hahaha
Then got a message from Michael of Saigon House.
He: I met a Hong Kong actor who came to my shop last 2 days. By surprise/
Me: Wow. Who is this. You shoulda invited me so I could be a movie star too. Hahahaha
He: He came here to have a quick dinner by srpros. He was at Penang doing a shooting.
Today is September 18. Today in Lyf lobby I met an interesting family visiting from Illinois. Told them about me , telling them about my Sarawak visa. They were impressed because they are looking into retirement. I referred them to my Sarawak visa amazing agent.
Photos will include the Shanghai crew – look how beautifully the women are dressed in SO stylish Western clothes and accessories. All of my stereotypes are being blown away. I am not prejudiced but do have stereotypes which emanated from the USA – their freedom of the press isn’t. It is captivity of the press, spreading misinformation about the world and hiding the truth of what is really happening in the USA .
This from www.openmadrasa.org something “Personally, it made me sick to think that the so-called ‘free word” is really not so free after all. What is worse is that people seem increasingly free these days to be racist and bigoted in ways we have not seen for some decades. Yet voicing one’s utter dismay at the plight of an oppressed people is somehow intolerable. Strange times indeed.
This is what the Quran has to say about truth. “Truth has come, and falsehood has departed. Indeed, falsehood is bound to vanish.” Quran 17:81
“Truth has come and falsehood can neither originate anything nor restore it.” Quran 34:49.
I do always tell the truth – falsehood and false friends do vanish and they are never restored. Alhamdulillah
