July 13, 2026. I happened upon this poem when reading Nouri My Light because it captured what I have been going through, giving me permission to carry on, but to do so slowly and carefully.
Baby Steps
You know how after the rain
Everyone walks carefully
For feat of slipping?
Well!
After the storm you’ve been through
You are allowed to take baby steps.
From the facing page there is a verse from the Quran, an Hadith and a Pearl of Wisdom.
Quran 94: 5-6 ‘For indeed with hardship will be ease. Indeed with hardship there will be ease.”
Hadith
Timizi #2398
The servant (of God) will continue to be tried until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin.
Pearl of Wisdom
It’s human nature to constantly slip and fall. But it is the quality of the true Muslim that whenever he errs, he consciously regrets it, constructively, and finds ways to do it better next time.
Don’t feel bad about being unable to give up your errors straight away. Rather thank Allah that many people have been tested without constructive regret, but Allah has blessed you with a reflective heart that turns to him, albeit slowly.
Our souls start anew with each step taken in our spiritual journey growing closer to Him.
I cannot say that any better than that, so I will not try. It DEFINITELY spoke to me. Particularly that I have been blessed with constructive regret, and admittedly slowly, return to Allah (SWT)
Reading the poem and the accompanying verse from the Quran, the Hadith, and the pearls of wisdom forced me to acknowledge and recognize the storms that I have been through, which have continued without abatement from the time of my reversion to the faith on 10/20/2020.
This morning at breakfast when speaking to the kind and wonderful family at the adjacent table I was asked where I took my shahada. Laughingly I said, in English, all alone in my San Francisco apartment. That was the moment of my reversion. It was formalized later after I had fled to Abu Dhabi. It was there, at the Zayhed Islamic Center, that I haltingly and slowly repeated the words in Arabic. My pronunciation of the Arabic language so flawed, that it had to be repeated time again and again until I got it right. Tears of emotion and laughter at myself combined. I shall never forget either experience.
I speak of myself as a revert (not a convert) believing that I was born with an innate spiritual inclination toward recognizing and submitting to Allah (SWT). This has a complicated Arabic name which I cannot possibly pronounce, (fitrah). I returned to my original natural state, not adopting a new religion. I abandoned my almost fifty year devotion to atheism. Hahaha
July 15, 2026
Looking back at above writing leaves me struck with the irony of it all. For, indeed, I did slip and fall on the evening of July 13, 2026, I fell in the middle of the night sustaining substantial injuries. Two broken ribs, much bruising, reinjuring my left knee and a bump on the head. I had the best of help – spoke to my doctor on the phone at the time and Lyf staff were sent to assist immediately. II am definitely feeling my age – opposite in a way, because I feel infantilized. I walk from the bed to the bathroom taking small careful steps holding onto something. I am taking baby steps that is for sure!!! The staff at Lyf have just been wonderful – bringing me food, comfort, and cheer. Nixon gathered all the male staff together and brought them to my room to wish me well. There must have been at ten – one performing the most incredible, rather erotic, dance. So I could not be in a better place. My doctor made a home visit – checked me out to determine the extent of my injuries – prognosis, diagnosis and pain medication. Soon a trip the emergency room for X-rays and probably a scan. But it has been a major setback. I definitely am taking baby steps.
But it has been a time of reflection. There is an expression – clearing the cobwebs. Miriam Webster supplies this definition: to remove a feeling of confusion, vagueness, or lack of clarity about something (from one’s mind). Here is the citation: “Clear the cobwebs.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/clear%20the%20cobwebs. Accessed 14 Jul. 2026.
This the definition of setback. First, used a sentence. Alexis was faced with one setback after another and most people would would have given up. Some difficult synonyms: mishap, piece of bad luck, unfortunate development,, reverse of fortune, body blow, stumbling block, impediment, glitch, hiccup, whammy, kick in the teeth, knock-back, one in the eye.
Falling down was more than a mere hiccup; it was more like a body blow, a kick in the teeth, a stumbling block.
My dismay at falling was palpable. This was my morning message yesterday. “This now the screen saver on my phone. Me at Mecca in December of 2022 at the factory where the Kaaba curtain is made. I fell last night. Hurt myself badly. Doctor coming to access the damage. My life is about to change I fear. Staff here are fabulous.”
I was feeling SO depressed. Could not figure out why I fell – so frightened I would fall again. Held onto furniture, walls, anything, on my necessary trips to the bathroom. Could not imagine ever leaving my bed, leaching the room.
So many messages of love and concern. The staff at Lyf made their appearance. They came to assist when I first fell. Staff and my doctor on the phone at 11:51. Dr. Lee spoke with me for 14 minutes. Trust me, that would NEVER happen in Canada and the US.
Nixon and staff members brought me croissant and coffee for breakfast and later a magnificent lunch made to order from Kenny Hill’s. T
Dr. Lee arrived to access the damage. My vital signs were commendable, that was the good news. Other than one or possibly two fractured ribs, no other fractures. Multiple bruises and my left knee took a beating. The bump on my head worrisome as It may result in a bleed, considering my age and shrinking brain. I need to go and get an X-ray of my chest to confirm the fracture and probably a scan to see a bleed. I am so grateful to Dr. Lee, When I expressed my gratitude Dr. Lee said: “I am honored to be your doctor”
This morning I forced myself to go to Mojo for breakfast. Waling outside to Kenny Hill’s bakery seemed too difficult. I ordered the Mojo breakfast, drank gallons of water. I looked up to see my dear friend Alice saying: Surprise!! She brought me flowers, we sat and chatted for a couple of hours. My pain, although there, was not my focus. We had a great visit. I am back in bed, writing this blog and will soon have a power nap. I am so blessed! Alhamdulillah.
The nap lasted an hour and a half. Woke up feeling refreshed. In some pain but it has been suppressed with the pain medication. As Beckett said: I can’t go on. I will go on.
Photos of the greeting sent to WhatsAppers, my Mojo breakfast of the morning, and My Dear Friend’s Surprise Flowers.
