In quiet contemplation looked back at the last two months of my life, looking for a word or two to describe it. Death throes came to mind. Looked it up, indeed it was. What does it mean to get into the throes? One encounters throes In the midst of, especially a difficult struggle. If someone is experiencing something very unpleasant or emotionally painful, you can say that they are in the throes of it, especially when it is in its final stages. That is it! That is what it has been. Throes are violent pains of suffering.
I was in the final stages of giving up my former life. I knew I had to be here, here in Madinah. Blessedly I am in the best and poshest convalescent hospital ever imaginable. One must remember and acknowledge that the Prophet (PBUH) came to Madinah to heal, to regroup. I am in the best of company, the very best.
Convalescence is a recovery, return to health, process of getting better, improvement, mending, restoration. Its antonym is relapse, which would I fear, happen if I return to Canada. But not to worry now, at this time, because I have not completed my convalescence. I have several weeks left.
In the midst of the death throes this name of Allah appeared: Al-Jabbaar. Meaning: He is the Most High, the Irresistible, the Sublime. Whatever He decrees will certainly come to pass without fail. He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds, and brings comfort to the weak and to those who turn to Him and seek his refuge.
As I slowly heal, piece myself together, I compare the place I am now with the place where I was before. The extreme contrast makes it become blatantly obvious. Canada is toxic – its only redeeming feature is that it is less toxic than those United States. What is toxic? The best definition is very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. Its synonyms are most harsh: venomous, noxious, dangerous, destructive, harmful, unsafe, malignant, injurious, pestilential, pernicious, environmentally unfriendly, deadly, death-dealing. Its antonyms are harmless, safe.
As I said earlier, Canada’s only redeeming virtue is that it is less malignant, less noxious, less dangerous, less environmentally unfriendly and less death-dealing than the United States. It is a far cry from harmless and safe.
I have just returned from a morning walk in the Prophet’s Mosque. Morning means after Fajr Prayer, before sunrise. There were scores of human beings – young and old, strong and weak, from all counties, dressed in their ethnic colorful clothing. Little children, barely able to walk ran about freely, no parents in clear sight. Women walked together in perfect safety. That would be absolutely impossible in both Canada and the USA. If women walked unescorted or unprotected near a mosque in either country, they would risk harm possibly death. Men strolled about, often holding hands. If that were seen in either Canada or the USA they would be either vilified or worshipped. They would be labelled gay or homosexual bringing forth either hatred or undeserved awe, misplaced love for the lifestyle choice they had made.
Twenty or so people sat in a circle, receiving religious instruction. Some women slept on the ground, perhaps they were ‘homeless’ – here to worship but unable to afford a hotel. Water is provided from taps for the thirsty. It may be precious Zamzam water, I am not sure.
It was far from a tedious journey to arrive at the gate of the Prophet’s Mosque. My convalescent hospital is located within steps of a gate providing entry. I am beginning to make this room my home in small ways. The room in the poshest of convalescence hospitals, is being made my own. (Posh is exclusive, select, sumptuous, grand, rich, elegant, upscale, classy, swanky, snazzy, plushy, ritzy, flash, la-di-da.)
A delightfully old-fashioned couch, is accompanied by a side chair and a coffee tale upon which rests a coffee table book, large, made for the occasion. It was a gift from a member of hotel management. As you shall see it is a picture book showing the growth and development of Mecca. Then there is a framed photo of me taken in the Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi. My face mask tells all – this was during the trying times of covid. I performed covid in style with my forty-five face masks. Another gift, a vintage photo of Medina nestles in the corners of a mirror. The gift given by the staff of the King Fahad National Library in Riyadh on July 31, 2023., on the eve of my departure back to Canada, to ‘settle my affairs’.
Not exactly to settle my affairs. It is an idiom; when one makes arrangements for what will happen after one’s death to your property and other wishes, you have settled your affairs. I did make amendments to my will, but little else was accomplished. the task was more massive, not completed despite my diligent attempts. It is because nothing works in Canada – for anyone it appears.
I am slowly loosing touch with everything and everybody Canada. People have been weeded out. (There have also been some Saudi discards, already, so soon.) My ‘technique’ was revealed on Instagram through a Response I made to a woman’s heartfelt reel whose topic was forgiveness. My response:
Me: The opposite of love is not hatred. It is indifference. That is SO true. Forgiveness becomes irrelevant. The person and the harm no longer exists. One moves onto better things. That poignant thought won 80 Likes.
It is redemptive to see, disdain, and reject, others who are not worthy of you, your attention and caring. Muslims believe that Allah (SWT) is All-Knowing, sees what you cannot see and ‘arranges’ severance of relationships.
What is redemption? It is the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil. It is saving/freeing from sin, vindication, absolution.
There are some people who are beyond redemption;. too bad to be improved or saved. In my opinion they are countries that are beyond redemption – most of the countries in this world, as a matter of fact.
Saudi Arabia does not need redemption as it is neither sinful, nor evil. There may be individual errors made by some Saudi people but it does not taint the country. No matter what the lying Western media and the hypocrites of the world tell the misinformed populace.
After a great deal of thought and some sought after advice I have decided to tell everyone the name of the posh Madinah ‘convalescent hospital’ which is providing sustenance and succor.
Guests at the Olerio Hotel are urged to consider this their home. One manager spoke to me.
He: Please consider this your home, your second home.
Me: I consider this my first home. I am relocating to Saudi Arabia but do not have a permanent residence as yet. So I am proud to say this is my first home.
He: Welcome home.
There are more photographs of my morning walk on Instagram as well as a reel, wherein I offer great gratitude to a Saudi man. I asked him how he managed to place his scarf so stylishly upon his head. He obtained a translation of my words, rushed to a nearby store purchasing three absolutely gorgeous scarves and two black coil headgear (has an Arab name, usually worn by men).
An Instagram friend responded:
She: Sounds like husband material
Me: Possibly. He does not speak English so we should get along famously.
Me: Indeed. He is rather handsome, as I recall, A Saudi engineer so has money. I hope he does not like climbing hills.
(She is known for her vast treks, recorded on Instagram.
She: MasdaAllah I love your spirit.
Me: Me too!
Then she sent a beautiful GIF
Me: The scarves were so beautiful
He: Just like your soul
Me: What a beautiful thing to say. Thank you.
She: How lucky! I am happy for you Alexis
Me: Not lucky blessed by Allah (SWT)
The waiter who took the reel, was so funny.
He: I want the residuals.
Me: Silly. I do not make any money from Instagram or the blog. I worked for my living my whole life, just as you do. I fortunately earned a big retirement.