Yes, indeed. Today is the day. I am seventy-nine years old, next year I shall be eighty and that is super old. But according to Dr. McAllister, my physician of over forty years, I have at least twenty years left on this earth. We shall see. I plan to spend the day alone – well not alone, with Allah. May go to the Edmonton Art Gallery, it is walkable, three blocks I do think. There is music there on Sundays. I have a membership so it is free as it was at the Abu Dhabi Louvre where I was the first 2022 member. That place let me down, it is not living up to its promise. Greed consumes the UAE, greed and extravagance even though Allah abhors extravagance. Oh well, it is not my problem as I am blessedly out of that place. Hopefully might be able to rescue some loved ones but time will tell. Allah did instruct me to take care of myself first.
This humor is from The New Yorker, who can reliably deliver humor. Not news of the world as it is rather insular, but definitely it excels in humor. What is Insular? Again, a perfect word. Its definition: ignorant of or uninterested in cultures, ideas, or peoples outside one’s own experience. Many synonyms: blinkered, restricted, inward-looking, conventional, parochial, provincial, small-town, localist, small-minded, petty-minded, petty, close-minded, short-sighted, myopic, hidebound, dyed-in-the-wool, diehard, set, set in one’s ways, entrenched, intolerant, prejudiced, bigoted, biased, partisan, sectarian, xenophobic, discriminatory; jerkwater.
How extremely funny to call The NewYorker small-town, jerkwater and xenophobic. They are so localist, hidebound and close-minded, particularly toward Muslims and Palestine.
But not so their humor and here we go. This article is called Famous Forgotten Quotes and here are a few of them. Some made me laugh out loud, all to myself as I am alone.
“Can we do, like, a big fucking triangle-shaped thingy? I’m talking big. I don’t know how you’re gonna do it, but that’s what I want.” —King Djoser, talking to Egyptian contractors about his funeral arrangements.
“When you say, ‘forty days and forty nights,’ do you mean, like, in a row?” —Noah, just trying to clear things up
“Boy, oh, boy, Brutus! What a lovely March afternoon. Is it a good day for some Ides, or what?” —Julius Caesar, right before a bunch of dudes stabbed him to death.
“No, no, no! Listen, I love your passion. I just think that you should maybe consider learning some sort of a trade. Like carpentry or masonry or something, just in case it doesn’t work out. You don’t want to be going into your thirties without some sort of a backup plan.” —Joseph, expressing his doubts on Jesus’ future
“Let him do what he wants.” —Mary, subtly implying that Joseph drop it
“Oof! I should have used a saddle. I should have used a saddle. I should have used a saddle.” —Lady Godiva
“Hey, look what I can make this dead sheep’s stomach do! HONK!” —Whoever invented bagpipes
“You want me to do what now?” —Joan of Arc
“I DON’T LIKE CATHOLIC CHURCH NO MORE!” —Martin Luther
“I DON’T LIKE MARTIN LUTHER NO MORE!” —The Roman Catholic Church
“I see what you’re doing. You’re just mimicking me.” —Martin Luther
“I see what you’re doing. You’re just mimicking me.” —The Roman Catholic Church
“CUT IT OUT!” —Martin Luther
“CUT IT OUT!” —The Roman Catholic Church
“BBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” —Martin Luther
“BBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” —The Roman Catholic Church
“BBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” —Anonymous dinosaur
s the other way around.” —Nicolaus Copernicus
“Can I put a basket underneath it or something? These things are rolling away, and people in the crowd are grabbing them and taking them home as souvenirs and playing catch with them, and it’s just barbaric.” —An executioner, trying to persuade officials to let him modify the guillotine
“Yep, these are bad. I’m gonna have to yank ’em out and put some wood in there or something.” —George Washington’s dentist
“O.K., that way is west, right? I just want everybody to be absolutely sure that we’re going west because if we head east by mistake we’re gonna look like real idiots.” —Meriwether Lewis, double-checking with William Clark
“I’m so over this.” —Karl Marx
“I wonder if this mold shit will do anything.” —Alexander Fleming
“Hey, who else wants to take off their shoes and sing songs and have sex?” —The person who invented being a hippie
“So, you want us to go through all that just to walk around for a day or two?” —Neil Armstrong
“Sure, you can get a dog.” —My dad
“Hey . . . I, uh . . . thought I hit a bump.” —My dad, breaking the news to me about the dog
“I burned my fucking hand with EASY-BAKE!” —The original draft of the Easy-Bake Oven jingle.
Which one do I think is the funniest? It is a tie between these three. “Can I put a basket underneath it or something? These things are rolling away, and people in the crowd are grabbing them and taking them home as souvenirs and playing catch with them, and it’s just barbaric.” —An executioner, trying to persuade officials to let him modify the guillotine. AND
“Oof! I should have used a saddle. I should have used a saddle. I should have used a saddle.” —Lady Godiva AND “Hey, look what I can make this dead sheep’s stomach do! HONK!” —Whoever invented bagpipes.
Here is the link so you can read all of the forgotten quotes. https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/famous-forgotten-quotes?utm_source=onsite-share&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=onsite-share&utm_brand=the-new-yorker
So I do think that is all for today. It is my birthday, I should get the day off. The attached ‘photograph’ is a saying, particularly appropriate for my life. There is every indication that my journey is going to become less understandable to many. A friend, with whom I lost touch, sent birthday greetings. Thought we would never see, or be in touch, as he honored my rejection. He was waiting for my birthday to send greetings. Is that not darling? It does look promising. The most romantic of men and funny and very self confident.
The other ‘photograph’ is a T shirt in my possession, It is Homer and rather appropriate. I do not think I am going to England, well for awhile anyway. I am home at last – people will have to come and visit me. I am tired of roaming all over the world. I do need a rest.