Instagram Islamic Snippet of the Day; I Must Be Trained as No Difficulties; Tip on Marking Allah Happy; Articles to Amuse You: Tips for Sure Fire Sermons; Stuff I Learned From the Internet Last Week; Tips for Looking Stunning in Photographs; Two Photographs, Two Mask or Not to Mask That is the Question

Receive daily encouragement from other Muslims on Instagram. This came my way the other day from Sibah20. . .
If You Are Facing Too Much Difficulties Believe This: Allah Is Training You For a Huge Victory.
I responded to this message in the following manner:
Me: I must already be trained because I am facing no difficulties at this time.
He: MashaAllah
Me: Thanks! All praise to Allah! The training was easier than being potty trained (I think) But I was potty trainer a long long time ago.

I am experiencing victories which seem rather huge – if there were difficulties (and there were) – they were necessary on the path to victory. This exchange also shows something fundamental to the Islamic faith. Something learned this very morning, also from the the Internet. This is how to make Allah happy according to one man and it does make sense. “If you want to make Allah happy than try to add value in the life of every person you meet. Value addition could be anything like giving sincere advice to them, motivating them, listening to them, giving your valuable time to them, helping them physically/financially ,doing anything to lessen their sufferings and even praying for them. When you try to add value in an other person’s life and adopt this behaviour than you will start seeing miraculous changes in your own life too”

That was most inspiring. I do try to add value to the life of the people around me in various ways. One way is to treat them with respect, to make them laugh, and occasionally gift them in small ways. I ‘gifted’ Sibah20 by acknowledging the message on Instagram and did so, not with suffering, but with humor. Religion does not have to be serious to be heard and to be worthwhile.

At one time, years ago, I began to resent and feel burdened by my desire to be cheerful and decided that I would only cheer those who ‘deserved’ to be cheered. But now I do see that cheering anyone up is a good idea. If a bad person is laughing it is difficult to them to abuse and complain and make others life miserable. It shall apply to this blog as well and this one shall cheer, make you laugh. Then when you are having a good time I shall sneak in something serious.

My Inbox contained an extremely funny article: It was from the Preaching Team and was called Preaching Team Tips for Sure Fire Sermons – it is both religious (sort of) and extremely funny The link to the entire article:

It begins with this word to the wise: “With access to the most charismatic pastors and snappiest sermons via YouTube and podcasts, churchgoers’ standards are rising. . . . Full texts and outlines of sermons are available on websites like Sermon Central and Logos, ostensibly for reference and inspiration. . . . Some larger churches . . . employ in-house “preaching teams” that collaborate on sermon production.”

This Preaching Team chimes in with their suggestions.

  1. Do not begin any sermon with the following lines:- “Yesterday morning, while I was sitting on the toilet . . .”
  • “Some of you may have seen the headline ‘Local Clergyman Found Naked and Inebriated in Walmart Linens Aisle’ . . .”
  • “What a great-looking crowd! Anyone in a relationship? With Jehovah?”
    “A priest, a rabbi, and the man they both crave walk into a bar . . .
  1. Reaching out to women:- “Mary—she wasn’t just someone’s mom.”
  • “Moses—am I right, ladies?”
  • “Is mutually satisfying sex an important part of a godly marriage? Let’s ask Solomon’s two-hundred-and-seventeenth wife, Amanda of Goshen.”
    “And, just like that, Eve was blamed for wanting to pursue her education.”
  1. Dealing with secular topics:- “Would I endorse a political candidate? You bet I would—if his name was Junior Senator Jesus Christ, from the great state of Worship.”
  • “I hear a lot of talk about queer people. Well, God loves everyone. Even Marjorie Harbett’s husband and that young fellow he calls his associate car washer.”
  • “When I hear the words ‘women’s reproductive freedom,’ do you know what I think? I think, That’s a lovely blouse, Helen Darrells! Is it new?
    4.100%-guaranteed punch lines:- “Oops, God did it again!”
  • “That’s what the Almighty said!”
  • “Is that a hymnal in your pocket, or are you just really excited about the story of Ruth?”
  • “Oy vey, Sister Matilde!”
  1. Snappy sayings:- “Bless your heart—especially in my body after your car accident!”
  • “Can I get an amen? And a raise? I’m kidding!”
  • “Let us pray—for me to get a raise! I’m still kidding!”
  • “You may kiss the bride—and my ass, if I don’t get a raise! I’ll be here all week—unless I don’t get that raise!”
    “May God be with you—because I’m outta here, you cheap bastards!”

It is most difficult to pick my very favorite. I suppose the one about finding out about mutually satisfying sex by asking Solomon’s 217th wife. Or perhaps the excitement the story of Ruth brought to the guy without a hymnal. Or the husband’s associate car washer. And what about Helen Dareell’s lovely blouse?

This bit of humor again from The New Yorker is near and dear to my heart. Stuff I Learned from the Internet This Week. I shall not receipt it all, here is the link

But some that were super funny are as follows:
My high school boyfriends fiancé had sushi for lunch last Tuesday.
There is a species of octopus that inflates itself like a circus tent when threatened.
Local man’s dog is the best baker
The world is still a giant garbage fire.

There are great diagrams that illustrate each of these and more.

But then, this topic caught my eye. Tips For Middle Aged Women on How to Look Stunning in Photographs. I shall pass on some tips to you but also give you the link so that you can satisfy your curiosity.( )

This is how it begins:” Ladies, if you don’t want to deal with the hassle and expense of cosmetic procedures to look younger in photos, I have good news. There are now countless apps and filters available to take years off your digital face, with just the touch of a button. In the past, only famous people, like Cher, Liberace, and Spuds MacKenzie, reaped the benefits of photo retouching, but these days that magic is available to middle-aged nobodies like you, too. Wrinkles, woes, and worries, be gone! Here’s how to look like a million bucks.”

Here are a few of the tips.
“1. First, know where to pose when taking a group photo. If there are more than two people, insist that you be in the middle. You must never, ever get stuck in the end position, a.k.a. the Fat-Arm Spot. “Wow, when did her arm become a side of beef?” people will exclaim when they see you on Facebook looking like a Green Bay Packer. I’ll tell you when—when you let Janice take the coveted middle position.

  1. If photos are being snapped on someone else’s phone, immediately ask to see them so that you can delete the ones you don’t like. This may involve force. Think Sean Penn in the eighties.
  2. If the photos were taken on your phone, relax, and only save the pictures that are flattering to you. Trash the rest. And, yes, it’s O.K. to post the photos where you look good and your friends don’t – but be careful. Revenge is a dish best served on Instagram,”
    This is the last tip you are going to get from me.

Do not use so many filters that your nose and/or other facial features appear to be missing. You don’t want to look like a spectre from another dimension in the group selfie from Girls’ Wine and Painting Night. Nor do you want to look like a Colombian drug lord who had plastic surgery in a veterinarian’s office. Good rule of thumb: if you’re holding a newborn baby and you look like the one who just came out of the womb, remove a filter or two.

The photograph attached is me, honestly no filters were used. It was snapped by S.A.S.S., a treasured employee at the Premier Inn. His nickname stands for Security Awesome Sheikha Safe. He is doing an excellent job. I have been safe since arriving here, accidentally(by the way) in December of 2021. He also spoils me, escorts me up and down stairs, takes my photograph upon request and today opened a bottle of pills. The lid was not child proof, it was Alexis proof as well.
One with a mask, one without. So the question remains: To Mask or Not to Mask That is the Question.

Oh, this was a sentence in the photograph article that was so funny.: “Revenge is a dish best served on Instagram?” With Alexis McBride it is not Instagram. Revenge is a Dish Best Served on Her Alexis McBride Blog. But the best motto is this: Living Well is the Best Revenge.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *