Well, I was a blonde once before my hair voluntarily turned white. Now I was a dirty blonde (in perhaps more than one way) but with highlighting looked most blonde most of my life. Therefore, when I opened my online New Yorker, and found an article called Existential Blonde Jokes, that was written by Alex Baia. I howled in anticipatory delight, for here are a series of intellectual blonde jokes (should that be possible).
Here goes: many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Each blonde must sit in the dark and confront nothingness and, by extension, death. Only then can she choose to become something authentic—like a depressed artist, a chain-smoking novelist, or a beret-wearing loafer who sits in coffee shops all day rambling about Hegel.
How do you know if a blonde’s been using your computer?
Your screen is covered in Wite-Out, and your desk is covered in Wite-Out, and so is your chair and your filing cabinet and every other object in your home office.
And this shocks you, and you stand there, stunned, until the significance of the blonde’s Wite-Out spree hits you like a two-by-four.
Nothing can be erased.
We are condemned to be free, and each of our acts is an indelible stamp on everyone we’ve ever touched.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Give her a slip of paper that says, “If you are free, turn this over.”
On the other side it says, “I knew you would do that.”
Two blondes are lost in the mall. So they find a map with a big red arrow next to the words “YOU ARE LOST.”
One blonde looks at the other and says, “Wow! How do they know that?”
“We need to find the person who made this sign!” the second blonde says.
So the blondes set off to find the Creator of the Sign, and their search is interminable.
And the blondes wander and wander, eternally condemned to subsist on free Auntie Anne’s samples, an occasional Cinnabon, and the promise of cute tie-dyed linen popover shirts at the Gap for thirty-five per cent off.
What’s long and hard to a blonde?
A conversation with a brunette who keeps pronouncing Nietzsche “Knee-chee.”
There are more where this came from. I am providing the link to everyone, including blondes who should be able to just click on the link (but who knows?): https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/existentialist-blonde-jokes?utm_source=onsite-share&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=onsite-share&utm_brand=the-new-yorker
Now this is going to be a hard act to follow. How shall I do it? I actually know. Turn suddenly serious on you. I shall and just did. I had previously written something called: What About Me? Its subtitle is What is Expected of Me And Others According to the Qur’an. Brace yourself, it is extremely serious.
This is from the Qur’an 24:60 Women past the age of childbearing, who have no desire for marriage, commit no wrong by taking off their outer clothing, provided they do not flaunt their finery. But to maintain modesty is better for them. God is Hearing and Knowing.”
I am guided by the passage. Maintaining maintaining modesty seems the best because perhaps I might just have a desire for marriage – depending on many things. It is not difficult to be modest and it has become (for me) unsightly for a woman to be displaying herself. Their husbands should be the only one staring at a woman’s décolletage which refers to the upper part of a woman’s torso, comprising of her neck, shoulders, back, and chest, that is exposed by the neckline of her clothing. In French, décolleter means ‘to reveal the neck’. In case you cannot find it, it is located south of your chin. The beauty industry (always trying to chime in) refers to the décolletage as your neck and chest — a critical cosmetic area that often gets overlooked. Like your face, this part of your body is prone to sun exposure and premature aging. Therefore, both the Qur’an and the beauty industry agree that it is best to cover up.
There are passages in the Qur’an that make things very clear about what it calls looks and privates. Please note the restraints are also upon men, these restraints mentioned immediately before those upon women.
24:30 Tell the believing men to restrain their looks, and to guard their privates. That is purer for them. God is cognizant of what they do.
24: 31 31. And tell the believing women to restrain their looks, and to guard their privates, and not display their beauty except what is apparent thereof, and to draw their coverings over their breasts, and not expose their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, what their right hands possess, their male attendants who have no sexual desires, or children who are not yet aware of the nakedness of women. And they should not strike their feet to draw attention to their hidden beauty. And repent to God, all of you believers, so that you may succeed.”
By the way, look means to direct one’s gaze toward someone or something or in a specified direction. Private is an any organ involved in sexual reproductions or any sexual organ.
Both daughters and sons, at any early age and thereafter, should be reminded of the following:
24: 26 Bad women are for bad men, and bad men are for bad women, and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. Those are acquitted of what they say. There is forgiveness for them, and a generous provision”
So there is a definite and exact code of behavior to be found in the Qur’an.
There is even more guidance to be found which illustrates that there are definitely good guys and bad guys, and right versus wrong. In case there is any doubt in your mind, Satan is definitely a bad guy.
24: 21. O you who believe! Do not follow Satan’s footsteps. Whoever follows Satan’s footsteps-he advocates obscenity and immorality. Were it not for God’s grace towards you, and His mercy, not one of you would have been pure, ever. But God purifies whomever He wills. God is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.”
Satan is defined as the Devil; Lucifer. A clearer picture emerges when one looks to the synonyms of satanic, which are: diabolical, fiendish, devilish, demonic, demoniac, demoniacal, Mephistophelian; hellish, infernal, accursed, wicked, evil, sinful, iniquitous, nefarious, vile, foul, abominable, unspeakable, loathsome, monstrous, atrocious, heinous, hideous, odious, horrible, horrifying, shocking, appalling, dreadful, awful, terrible, ghastly, abhorrent, despicable, damnable, villainous, depraved, perverted, ungodly, dark, black, black-hearted, immoral, amoral; vicious, cruel, savage, brutish, bestial, barbaric, barbarous.
Such a long list! It is said that if you find yourself drawn to obscenity and immorality it is probably due to Satan. You are following – in his footsteps, according to the Qur’an.
All of the Excerpts of the Qur’an were taken from: Talal Itani. “Quran In English. Modern English Translation. Clear and Easy to Understand.” Apple Books. https://books.apple.com/us/book/quran-in-english-modern-english-translation-clear-and/id909911371. I have read from two other English translation versions – this version is by far the more readable and understandable. This appears on Books on my computer and my iPad – how strange this seems to have the word of Allah on Apple devices. Do remember that Allah is most scientific – the Islamic faith is the only faith (that I know of) that marches both science and belief, hand in hand.
How strange and unusual you are thinking – to combine blonde jokes and excerpts from the Qur’an in one blog. Why not? I am a person who appreciates blonde jokes and believes in the Qur’an. They are not mutually exclusive despite what some Islamic scholars would have you believe. Do you realize that most, if not all, Islamic scholars are men? I shall investigate further and let you know why and if this trend might be reversed.
I have met so many people over the course of the last seven years. I have forgotten many that appear in photographs with me. The last blog included some men who have been forgotten, This shall contain photographs of women. They all have something in common. They did not keep in touch with me. People can, and do, stay in touch with me by reading the blog and many have my email address. Therefore, I do not feel guilty about my occasionally sketchy memory.