I could speak of serious matters but instead shall shower humor upon you. As per usual with the help of wonderful Andy Borowitx of The New Yorker. I am sure that he would not mind as it speaks his satire to parts of the world that he customarily does not reach.
The news that Steve Bannon could soon be jailed for criminal contempt, the convicted drug lord Joaquín (El Chapo) Guzmán said that “under no circumstances” would he agree to share a prison cell with the former Trump adviser.
The ex-kingpin said that, although he had not heard of any plans to house Bannon in his prison cell, he was speaking “out of an abundance of caution.”
“If the Department of Justice is looking for a place to lock Bannon up, don’t even think about putting him in with me,” El Chapo, who is being held at ADX Florence, a maximum-security penitentiary, said. “It’s not going to happen.”
As usual Andy continues in rare form. “I’ve tunnelled out of prison before, and I can do it again,” he warned. El Chapo’s sentiments have been echoed by the nation’s prison population, two million of whom have signed a petition refusing to share their cells with Bannon.
Speaking at the D.O.J., the Attorney General, Merrick Garland, commented on El Chapo’s recoiling at the prospect of sharing a small space with Bannon. “I can’t say I blame him,” Garland said.
For me, the most majestic humor came from this statement: “two million of the nation’s population signed a petition refusing to share their prison cells with Bannon.” But a close second and third are: “I’ve tunneled out of prison before” and “I can’t say I blame him.”
The Western news media contains far too much gloom and doom. The Andy’s satire sparkles. I am thinking of doing a satiric commentary upon Expo 2020. It might just be fun – people here, particularly those in command, are taking it all far too seriously. It actually might attract more people, particularly in the ‘down times’ which would be January. It would be better for me to attend at that time – less crowds, lower temperatures and, (most probably), not the daily attendance of Royalty. I do like to be free, as free as a bird Now where does that come from?
It means completely free, Totally at liberty. Without worries or troubles. Being able to fly about at will has long seemed to be the epitome of freedom. The simile here dates back at least to the seventeenth century, when “as free as a bird in ayre” appeared in the Somers Tracts (1635). My goodness, if I were free as a bird I would not need Air Emeritus. Now that is a tempting thought! But I am not stupid enough to try my wings off the balcony of my hotel room, that would be sheer folly and totally self destructive.
Well that is enough humor and it is back to being serious. I had a totally magnificent day yesterday but as usual it did have its ups and downs. For the first time in my entire life I went to Abu Dhabi and am now in total awe. Absolute awe. I was accompanied on this monumental journey by a fine young man and great guide – a driver from this hotel. Drivers are supplied by this hotel, the automobiles are not their own but provided, they are paid a wage, the hotel guests are billed through their hotel charges. It is brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I have had two drivers during my stay – it is absolutely impossible to commend them enough or to decide which one I love the most. This conversation was held at the concierge desk following my return from Abu Dhabi.
Me: I can not decide between the two drivers – which one I love the most. I guess it has to be the man who took me to Abu Dhabi.
He: So Farad first, the other second. Where am I – do you not love me anymore?
Me: I am not saying that. You can be second, the other third as he has a wife and four children.
He: Thank you very much Alexis.
I was going to talk to him at greater length when it was quiet and other people where not interrupting him (briefly interrupt, because I took command.)
Me: Please could you schedule a driver for Friday.
He: Of course, Alexis
Then, some woman rudely arrived and began to speak to him, of course, he cannot refuse to speak to her but I intervened.
Me: Cannot you see that he is helping me? Who are you to interfere? I am just as important as you are!
She: I am sorry.
Me: Sorry only works if you never do it again. I would advise that you do not.
This happens all of the time in this hotel. Tourists are anxious, they are confused, they panic. But being rude does not help at all. If they were just pleasant and slightly patient they would be amply rewarded.
You: Alexis, you patient? That I do not believe.
Me: Well I am learning patience. It is a virtue. It does help if you whisper swear words behind your face mask. No one can hear you and the security cameras that constantly film every gesture cannot read your lips.
Yesterday I was walking from the Grand Mosque (more about that later). There was a gift shop (of all things in the mosque?). A man that I know had written a book and it was displayed. I am very angry with him for understandable reasons. The book was displayed at eye level. I walked up to it and said (with face mask in place).
Me: I spit on your face!
No one heard me and, of course, I did not spit as I had a face mask on and I would have spit on myself. But it felt magnificent and dissipated my anger. I then calmly said to myself (and to Allah)
Me: Allah did not want this for me. There is no reason to be angry at the mortal man.
Then the inner peace and happiness promised by the faith returned and I went on to have one of the best days of my life. All praise to Allah.
Just discovered another Andy Borowitz jewel. It concerns our favorite subject, Trump and his cognitive abilities.(or lack of same) Donald J. Trump’s stellar reputation for mental acuity took a hit on Thursday when he failed a cognitive test in which he was asked to remember Steve Bannon. According to the White House physician, Trump was shown several pictures and asked to identify them, including ones of a woman, a man, a camera, a TV, and Steve Bannon.
As usual Andy saves his best for last. “He nailed woman, man, camera, and TV but drew a blank when it came to Steve Bannon,” the physician said. “He said he was unfamiliar with that picture and could not remember ever seeing that person before.” After repeated attempts to jog Trump’s memory concerning the identity of Steve Bannon, including writing the name Steve Bannon on a notecard and showing it to him, the physician gave up trying. On a positive note, the physician said, Trump’s cognition appeared to improve later in the morning, when he was able to block Steve Bannon on Twitter, Facebook, and his phone.
On a positive note, “He was able to block Steve Bannon on Twitter, Facebook, and his phone.”
Now that is hilariously funny and on that high note I shall conclude, go up to the pool and possibly have a Virgin Margherita. The favor actually is in the lime and salt, not the tequila (I hope), she said faithfully.
The glories of yesterday shall be discussed in tomorrow (or the next day’s) blog. But this from Instagram (Alexis McTwit the name). The photograph attached to this blog was featured with this caption. “No more JW Marriott Marques for me. I have moved up in the world. Asked for a long term rate at this hotel yesterday. It is in Abu Dhabi not Dubai. Goodbye Dubai. Well not immediately, I guess.”