Definitely had more to say about the tantalizing subject of macho men but the word count in the prior blog was in the stratosphere so I took command and sent it off to the UK for posting. But I had more to say and now I get to say it.
Further Google research revealed that in Latin American culture, machismo is a social behavior pattern in which the Latino male exhibits an overbearing attitude to anyone in a position he perceives as inferior to his, demanding complete subservience.”
I have, by the way, experienced such treatment. A Machismo Man parked his enormous truck in my parking place, was rude beyond belief to Angel who was trying to rectify the situation. Believe you me I was not at all subservient, went into my lawyer mode, probably scared him. The incident was reported in a prior blog. Machismo men are not the sort to bear their arm for a jab however Latin American men are known to submit to vaccinations. . My world contains three Hispanic men – all younger than I am (everyone is younger than I am, particularly the men in my life. The shunned man is not vaccinated but the other two are vaccinated and do not have any Machismo characteristics. the two others are vaccinated and neither of these two men have any Macho Men qualities . They are both extremely intelligent, treat me with respect, and are treated with respect (and humor), we .
Me: I and sure there that I am the weirdest person you know.
He: Well you certainly are very entertaining!
That is a very sweet thing to say. I do love being entertaining and it does come naturally to me. One could also say that being weird comes naturally to me. Weird, what is weird? It is uncanny: There are two different versions of its synonym. eerie, unnatural, preternatural, supernatural, unearthly, otherworldly, unreal, ghostly, mysterious, mystifying, strange, abnormal, spooky, freaky. Antonyms are normal, ordinary Synonyms of the other version are less flattering. Bizarre; offbeat, quirky, outlandish, eccentric, unconventional, unorthodox, idiosyncratic, surreal, crazy, absurd, grotesque, peculiar, odd, curious, strange, queer, cranky, freakish, zany, madcap, off-center, far out, wacko, off the wall, in left field, bizarro. An antonym: conventional. Come to think of it, do not mind being called madcap, zany, unorthodox or even wacko. I do not want to be called conventional, if it is all the same to you.
But, to return to the two vaccinated Hispanic men. One is extremely well-educated – graduating from UC Berkeley majoring in political science and linguistics . The other, younger man does not have this educational background, he grew up in Texas and seems to have come from a powerful and influential family. He is MOST ambitious. When speaking about the issue his perspective was that it was the older generation of Hispanic men who had Machismo tendencies.
What causes Machoism? Again Google answers us: It appears that machismo may be due to feelings of inferiority, which men try to hide by acting superior. This is accomplished by avoiding feminine traits and emphasizing strong masculine ones. “Ramos (1951) and Stycos (1965) both concur that an inferiority complex is the base of machismo.” A question was posed: How Can I become a Macho Man? The answer is hilarious. “ A macho guy should perform basic grooming on himself without spending too much time or money on his appearance. To look macho, you need to be clean, smell good, and dress appropriately, but not look like you spent more than 5 minutes getting ready in the morning, or that you care about your appearance.” By the way, the younger Hispanic man is impeccably groomed, we occasionally have color coordination contests with one another.
The next question might be: ow do you deal with a macho man? There is more than one suggestion.
Suffer pain in silence.
Have no needs.
Show no emotions other than bravado or rage.
Don’t depend on anyone.
Don’t do anything that could be construed as weakness.
I am terrible at 1 and 2 but I excel at 3-7. Admit that in the very recent past I did suffer in silence and pretend that I had no needs, but no more.
How does toxic masculinity affect relationships? Again Google provides the answer: “Toxic masculinity stems from the long-standing sexist dynamic in relationships that men’s needs come first. This could show up in your relationship as cancelling hangouts with your friends to take care of your partner’s needs, prioritizing their comfort over your work, or putting their career first.”
Now Google where were you when I really needed you? Particularly during my marriage to Husband #3. His needs ALWAYS came first, he did his best to deny me any and all relationships with my friends, his comfort always before my work. He did not have a career because he was lazy and had inherited wealth. I paid my way., which minimized his expenses. My first husband’s career always, and forever, came first, even when it was my turn to go to school. All of this is all too true, unfortunately. By the way, neither of these two men were Hispanic.
What are the traits of toxic masculinity? “A study in the Journal of School of Psychology uses the following definition to explain toxic masculinity: “the constellation of socially regressive [masculine] traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia, and wanton violence.” This does explain the warped personality of our former President, the Trump guy.
Google insightfully tells us what women want in a relationship. “Women need men to show kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, and compassion. Regardless of the type of relationship, men and women should be considerate of each other’s feelings. … Being supportive of the women in your life can do a world of good. Supporting your partner is a primary role. “
There is a man, peripherally in my life who shows kindness, patience, understanding, empathy and compassion. Well, (perhaps not always but recently) he is the model of kindness, patience, understanding, empathy and compassion. He does live far away, it is true. But he is Muslim, he is eligible for marriage, and is age appropriate. But the ball is in his court. He has to come here, obviously not for life but as a beginning. When one looks to see if a person is guilty of murder, you look to three things: 1) means, 2) method and 3) opportunity. This is obviously not murder but he does have the means, hop on a plane, The method: rest during the night, conduct business on the way and then land. He has the opportunity as he can definitely afford the plane fare.
By the way: “When the ball is in your court, nothing else can happen in a given situation until you take action or make a decision. The idiom the ball is in your court is derived from the sport of tennis. When the ball bounces in your court during a game of tennis, you must take action and hit it to keep the game going. “
Not sure if this man plays tennis, but do know that he has a passion for horses. Spoke to a man of my acquaintance about this situation. It Iis a problem as I have never even been on a horse. A donkey once at Grand Canyon but never a horse.
Me: So do you think I should take riding lessons, just in case? Or do you think that it would be more romantic if he taught me to ride.
He: It would be more romantic if he taught you to ride.
Me: OK. Should I ride side saddle or the regular position.
He: Side saddle.
Honest to goodness, this conversation did take place yesterday. I always tell the truth.
This has been a definite digression. Back to vaccinations and more from Spotswood of the Marin Independant Journal. “Some San Francisco municipal employees are pushing against the City’s vaccine mandate. NBC Bay Area reports the Sheriff’s Office says they have “over 150 members prepared to leave their jobs because of the vaccine mandates. Some firefighters are expected to join them.”These deputy sheriffs should be respected for paying a high price for their principles and political identity. They’re offering to surrender a job with $139,030 average annual pay coupled with lifetime health insurance and a gold-plated pension. I suspect few of them first checked with their spouses before making the boast”
Spotswood went on to say: “Quitting in mass is just a toothless threat. If they are serious about quitting, the resulting vacancies present a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to reconstitute their sheriff’s office and fire department with a far more diverse cast of employees. “
This Machismo craziness is not limited to San Francisco. My Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Instagram friend posted a Story that Calgary, Alberta, Canada policemen, firemen, and first responders are demonstrating against the vaccine. I made this rather pithy comment
Me: It is obvious, they are thinking with their penises and not their brains.
On that high note I shall end this blog. By the way pithy is a great and totally appropriate word. Its meaning: concise and forcefully expressive. The photograph is from the Little Book of Journeys and is eerily appropriate.