Yesterday wrote of Husband #3, mentioning an obituary written by Alexis McBride on her blog. So I went to the search engine o the blog today, typed in Paul Skvaril (name of Husband #3) and it came up with 14 entries beginning with the ‘obituary’ written in 2018. I did recall that it was written during a visit from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada – so I was right. Did not read any of the old blogs because I am moving on. That is old stuff, as was he. He died at a ripe old age despite a history of alcoholism which began when he was 15. His first family did nothing to confront him and did nothing to support me when I tried in the last desperate days of the marriage. It is the truth, they cannot deny it, well they might but there are no facts to support this ridiculous denial. None of his family take any responsibility for what happened to him – nor me (come to think of it). I do not care! Although I live in Marin and not far from Santa Rosa, I have a new family (or two). I have a Vietnamese family these days and they love me and no one is an alcoholic. Well, I also have forgotten my Qatar family, but it is not exactly conventional – although several members of the Royalty do call me Granny (at my request). In 2020 they asked:
They: What do we call you?
Me: Granny Alexis
They: (in great glee) We will, we do not have any Grannies.
Me: How sad! Now you have one.
It is an enormous job as there are many many family members. It is rather exhausting at times as many remain in contact with me. How extremely confusing, both to them and to me and many of the readers who follow me.
A wonderful, precious young man asked me the following question:
He: Granny, why did you not have children?
Me; It is very complicated and hard to explain.
He: But please try to tell me.
Me: Well I was abused and so I would abuse my children.
He; Granny, you would not do that, ever.
Me: I would have. It is called Freud’s Repetition Compulsion. Of course I did not know that at the age of 13, when I apparently made the announcement to two of my friends
He: But Granny I cannot believe that about you!
Me: I do, that is all that does counts. I do not regret it! If I had kids of my own, I would never be a ‘Granny’ to you.
He: OK Granny OK. I love having you as a Granny You are the only person on the earth that I can turn to.
Me: That does make me happy but sad for you. I will always be there for you.
Most complicated this relationship. MOST COMPLICATED!!! Whatever, I do think we can work it out, but so difficult and guess it might change my life. Do not think I want to change me life but we shall see. It is actually up to Allah. It is rather difficult to admit that one’s destiny is up to Allah but I do trust Allah as he has been proven to be all wise and all knowing. Moreover, Allah does not ask of his adherents a task cannot perform. It is in the Qur’an. But it wakes every ounce of courage that I have. What is courage? It is the ability to do something that frightens one; bravery, strength in the face of pain or grief.
But bacc to Remnick’s Roth. “In his fury and his hunger for retribution, Roth produced “Notes for My Biographer,” an obsessive, almost page-by-page rebuttal of Bloom’s memoir: “Adultery makes numerous bad marriages bearable and holds them together and in some cases can make the adulterer a far more decent husband or wife than . . . the domestic situation warrants. (See Madame Bovary for a pitiless critique of this phenomenon.)” I have long held that to be true, that adultery can make a bad marriage more bearable and can make a far more decent husband or wife. Unfortunately I did not practice adultery during my third marriage. I am laughing at my own joke. The following conversation took place yesterday.
He: How many times do you laugh every day?
Me: Countless times! I laugh at my own jokes and actually have the ability to make those around me funny as well. So there is much hilarity in my existence. Hilarity is defined as
extreme amusement, especially when expressed by laughter. Its synonyms are a joy to behold:
mirth, laughter, merriment, light-heartedness, levity, fun, humor, jocularity, jollity, joviality, gaiety, delight, glee, comedy, frivolity, exuberance, boisterousness, high spirits. My daily life contains much mirth and merriment with jocularity and joviality mixed in.
Received some fantastic advice from Wise Man yesterday.
He: Get rid of all of the dysfunctional people in your life.
Me: That is a great idea! I can hardly make them functional and it is necessary to close old doors before opening new ones. One can have more room for fine people if you get rid of the dysfunctional ones.
I efficiently got tide of two dysfunctional people already. One of them wrote a ridiculous email.
He: How pathetic. You always ruin it, Alexis. How does always it come to that? I am sorry for your life
Me: How could you be sorry for my life?????!! I am famous, surrounded by people that live me have the best shrink in the world, my Islamic faith brings me the promised happiness and internal peace. . The only thorn is you and now you are gone. Oh yes and huge retirement income. I am laughing at you!
He had been a friend for a long, long time. Since I was 19 and in some ways made my life bearable as he would pick me up at my parent’s home and we would go to the University of Alberta library to study at night.. I definitely did thank him for that over the years. But we grew apart. A few years ago he was man enough to admit to this.
Me: I read that sometimes not betrayal that causes the severance in a relationship – sometimes one person just out grows the other.
He: Yes Alexis, you did outgrow me.
We bravely tried to repair the rift between us but were not successful in the long run. Anyone. In their right mind would see that it is his life that is pathetic – not mine. Very recently I did point out that becoming a Muslim might bring him serenity but he did not listen. Wonderful synonyms for serenity: calm, composure, tranquility, peacefulness, peace of mind, peace, peaceableness, collectedness, poise, aplomb, self-possession, sangfroid, imperturbability, equanimity, equableness, ease, placidity, placidness; informal togetherness, unflappability. Unflappability and sangfroid have to be my favorites.
The other Dysfunctional Person who is erased from my life was discussed.
Wise Man: I think he has you confused with an ATM machine.
Me: That makes me laugh and you are so right!!! Well this ATM machine has run out of cash, is broken and cannot be repaired.
Bought some daffodils yesterday and did a flower arrangement. It was somewhat confusing to see that they were a product of Canada.(Come to think of it, I am a product of Canada) It seems unlikely but the attached photograph will prove that this is true. I always speak the truth. Sometimes I exaggerate a little but it is always the truth. This blog did not contain any exaggeration whatsoever. In other words no overemphasis, magnification, amplification, aggrandizement, overplaying, dramatization, overdramatization, enhancement, elaboration, over-elaboration, embellishment, over-embellishment, embroidery, hyperbole, overkill, gilding the lily; purple prose, puffery. No puffery or purple prose here.