Messages from Flower Girl’s Wife; Wedding Plans That Unravelled; Wedding Dress Used as Decoration; Social Anxiety; Boundary Crossing and Narcissists

She: Hello! It was a year ago today that we met on the golden circle tour. xx

Me: OMG!!! And how I love love you guys!!!

SheL Still giggling about that day when my hubby became a flower girl.

Me: And the number of potential grooms??? It is unbelievable??? I am unable to remember them all. Hahahaha

She Same here lol x way too many!

Me: I am going to count them

So here is the background to that exchange. She, hubby and I met in Iceland on a tour and for some strange reason we ended up planning my fourth wedding. Hubby was going to be the flower girl, crawl on his knees, wear a garland of flowers to hide his bald spot. Flower Girl’s Wife and I continued an Instagram conversation with constant replacement of the grooms on an irregular basis.. The original was Adam Temple, but he was replaced with at least four others. He was not that serious but at least three others were – guys that asked me to marry them. The interesting thing about it all is that I never went to bed with any of them. Had extensive correspondence with all of them but nothing physical. I guess I was playing hard to get, it was me that terminated the relationships and they are not in my life in any capacity whatsoever at this time. I am laughing at myself. I do go through men at a rather frantic pace. Flower Girl’s Wife and Flower Girl picked me up at the Sheraton Heathrow last months and we had a marvellous time with one another in the Hampshires – it was most jolly.

At the present moment there are no wedding plans but I did propose to the Sultan through this blog – volunteering to be the London wife. And I did get a fist bump – not at that moment but later. It is difficult to plan a wedding when you do not know the customs of the country and you were raised in the Protestant and not the Muslim religion. As faithful readers will know I did try to purchase the Koran but instead, for some unknown reason ended up with Redeeming the Kamasutra.

My Vancouver possessions have been in storage in Marin. Personal Driver has assisted in the retrieval of them. One box contained a wedding dress, to be pictured later on this blog. It was purchased for five dollars from My Sister’s Closet in Vancouver and hung ceremoniously above my bed in Vancouver. I thought it was a jolly statement – some guy expecting some action and finding himself staring at a wedding dress. That would be a certain turn off. Uncertain as what to do with it here.

Yesterday was a rather unbelievable day with me buying an extremely expensive pair of shoes at Saks – the woman that assisted me was so gracious and caring, made me feel like Royalty. The shoes are silver, Jimmy Choo’s from London. They, are of course, flat heeled. They will go with all of the clothes to be brought to London and Dubai. I shall be most chic!

NPR brought something unneeded, an article and study about social anxiety disorder. “The gut-wrenching anxiety and harsh self-criticism of social anxiety disorder stops some of the estimated 15 million Americans who have it from applying for jobs, initiating friendships and, during this time of year, attending holiday parties.Whereas people with generalized anxiety experience fear-driven worries about life circumstances, those with social anxiety see themselves through a distorted lens of self-doubt, shame and a fear that others are scrutinizing and judging them harshly, researchers say.Social anxiety hinges on the mistaken belief that we’re flawed in some way,” explains Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. This extreme social uneasiness can run in families and can also arise after childhood experiences such as trauma or abuse, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.”

That is not me, that is for sure. I talk to everyone and have no anxiety in doing so. I was never really shy but now I am an extreme extrovert, and in almost all instances, am praised for this quality. When at the Rotunda I was praised by one of the bartenders- it was only my second visit there

Me: Wow you recognized me! And last time I was here I had just completed my make over and I looked very good, not so much today. .

He: Its what’s inside that is important and recognizable.

Me: Swoon!

And a woman said:

She: No wonder men love you – I love you already and we have only talked for five minutes.

Me: There is the probability that I might wear on you however.

But here is a horse of a different colour. I have recently learned of a new term, a new concept. It is boundary crossing, and consists of unsolicited advice, given inappropriately Here is an example, one that happened to me. I have known two gay men (gay but that is not relevant to the story). We saw one another fairly frequently when I lived in London. We met at the National Theatre and we often attended the theatre together. Of course, rarely since my departure from London in March of 2017. I met, or rather, attempted to meet with them during my last trip to London. In their usual fashion, they screwed up- the Dulwich Gallery was closed on Monday – we were meeting there for lunch and a viewing, they chose the da, not i. Then two days later they were one hour and fifteen minutes meeting me at the Tate Britain. Fortunately (for me) I was at the Rex Whistler rather than the Member’s Room as originally planned. Needless to say I was a bit upset particularly when one told me that I should not be spending my money “recklessly” at the Rex Whistler. In a fit of pique I told them that I would spend my money as I pleased. Exhausted by their rudeness and knee pain I did not go to the cinema has planned. Instead retreated to the comfort of my hotel. But it did not end there. The next day I received an email from each of them telling me that I was an alcoholic and should go to AA. I calmly wrote, telling them that my doctors were aware of my drinking habits and had assured me that I was not an alcoholic and moreover, that AA is not seen these days as an effective treatment for alcoholism.

Their treatment of me was boundary crossing – they gave advice totally unsolicited based on no knowledge of my habits or my life (or of treatment). I learned that such boundary crossing is characteristic of narcissists. Those narcissists have the worst habits and are most despicable.

deserving hatred and contempt. Its synonyms are: contemptible, loathsome, hateful, detestable, reprehensible, abhorrent, abominable, awful, heinous, beyond the pale; odious, execrable, repellent, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, disgusting, horrible, horrid, horrifying, obnoxious, nauseating, offensive, distasteful, beneath/below contempt; vile, base, low, mean, abject, shameful, degrading, ignominious, cheap, shabby, miserable, wretched, sorry, scurvy; infamous, villainous, ignoble, disreputable, discreditable, unworthy, unscrupulous, unprincipled, unsavoury; informal dirty, filthy, dirty rotten, rotten, low-down, no-good, beastly, lousy. ANTONYMS admirable; noble.

So what do you do when there is a narcissist is your life exhibiting their heinous. odious, obnoxious, degrading and abject behaviours? The only thing to do is walk away, get them out of your life. They are never going to change. It is embarrassing to admit but I have surrounded myself with narcissists in the past, all of my husbands, many of my lovers and some women friends. But I am increasingly learned how to spot them and stay clear of them. Now the question of the hour: Is the Sultan a narcissist. Giving it some thought and will get back to you later.

The photograph is a T shirt discovered in the Vancouver boxes. How terribly appropriate.

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