Faithful readers will know that David provides the best possible of all jokes. David is a dear friend, met in London and has remained remarkably faithful and true. He pays a great deal of attention to me and has done so for almost five years. I do not know what I would have done without David and his partner Greg. I received his newest joke and almost died laughing. I got it when at Suki’s having Vicky blow dry my hair. Here it goes, you shall almost die laughing.
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.
Then the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy – ‘I have a golf ball.’
Man – ‘That’s nice.’
Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’
Man – ‘No, thanks.’
Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’
Man – ‘OK, how much?’
Boy – ‘$250’
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy – ‘Dark in here.’
Man – ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy – ‘I have sand wedge.’
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’
Boy – ‘$750’
Man – ‘Sold.’
A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, ‘Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let’s go outside and have some short game practice.’
The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.
The father says, ‘What?! How much did you sell them for?’
Boy – ‘$1,000.’
The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit with me again. You’re in MY closet now!’
Did you see that one coming? I did not! OMG how subtle, how perfect. It is the British that do these jokes so admirably. Not too sure why but it is a fact, not an opinion. Look up David’s jokes in the search engine of this blog and you will be stepped in
Usually these blogs have a theme of sorts. This one is centering on things British – beginning with jokes straight from Great Britain and now, moving onto Prince Charles, the heir to the throne. First some background. I was going back to London to live and Rosemary emailed that I should find a Brit husband and stay but she said unfortunately all of the Royals were taken. I said that perhaps tPrince Charles could divorce the wife and marry me and then I would be Queen o England (eventually). Later I decided that the present wife could perhaps just die – not exactly like Henry VIII’s did. But no more London however I have not exactly given up on Prince Charles. The night before last there was a fascinating documentary about his turning 70. (He is younger than I am but still age appropriate.) Prime Chuck, as I call him, was portrayed as a really great guy, very humanitarian AND with a sense of humour. His wife spoke lovingly of him and they go way back. But I noticed one thing. She has lines and small wrinkles around her mouth which leads to the realization. that she smokes. That is not a good thing in terms of mortality – one dies sooner if one smokes and adherents are prone to other problems as well. I never smoked although, to be honest, I have other bad habits – like blogging for instance. Hahahaha.
It was possible for me to record the play that aired after the documentary. The play is Charles III – I saw it in London during my theatre days and it was powerful and compelling. I am going to watch it tonight. So I am steeped in Prince Charles. His sons were on the programme affectionately discussing Dad and how they were forced to pick up garbage on their vacations. I have decided what I will say to them when I meet them.
Me: Lean over and I will whisper something in your ears.
They: Yes, Alexis
Me: Its a good thing you guys look like your mother but don’t tell your Dad.
They: We won’t Alexis
As all I can see I have a vivid imagination. I write from my friendly neighbourhood Starbucks and I keep talking to people. Strangers, to me, say:
They: I heard you are leaving us.
Me: Yes I am! I am expecting black bunting all over Vancouver when I leave. I made this joke when I left London that people thought the Queen had died when they saw London in mourning, .
People in the Know: No Queen Elizabeth II is still alive but Alexis left.
As I said:
Me: I have a vivid imagination.
Alter Ego: You can say that again.
Me: I have a vivid imagination.
There is a new man in my life with a novel and very appealing approach. You will hear about it tomorrow or the next blog post anyway. It is either fascinating or bull shit – time will tell. It is a darling approach. One can not put all of one’s eggs in one basket, Prince Chuck.
The photograph is my great hair due to Vicky. One of the men in my life Instagram commented:
He: Love your hair honey
Me: After years of dying my hair it magically turned this color and it is so thick and straight and I love my stylist.
He: Yes, u flaunt your style girl. I love it.