Betrayal is a HUGE theme in my life HUGE. I wrote a number of short stories for publication then reread them attempting to find a common theme. Searching thorough the humorous tales surprisingly found they were all tales of betrayal. I can joke about it but that does not mean it is funny. It still does happen to me – I continue to be betrayed but have been doing some research on the subject and perhaps it is not as bad as it seems.
It seems betray should be the word of the day. Betray, a verb: he betrayed his own brother: be disloyal to, be unfaithful to, double-cross, cross, break faith with, inform on/against, give away, denounce, sell out, stab in the back, break one’s promise to; informal rat on, fink on, sell down the river, squeal on, rat on/out, finger. ANTONYMS be loyal to’
A recent novel, borrowed from VPL, was Jenny Offill’s Dept. of Speculation. The book jacket tells readers that it is a portrait of a marriage. “It is also a beguiling rumination on the mysteries of intimacy, trust faih, knowledge, and the condition of universal shipwreck that unties us all” A great deal of the book is about betrayal. The Wife discovers that her husband is having an affair. “What Ovid said: If you are ever\ caught, not matter how well you’ve concealed it/though it is as clear as the day, swear up and down it is a lie/Don’t be too abject, and don’t be too unduly attentive/ that would establish your cult far above anything else/Wear yourself out if you must and prove in her bed, that you could/No/Possibly be that good, coming from some other girl. (pgs 98-99).
But another book, also borrowed from VPL, provided another perspective. That book, Avishai Margalit’s On Betrayal discussed Drifting Into Betrayal. Perhaps I had drifting away confused with betrayal, Many people (one could say scores) have drifted way, not betrayed me but we just drifted apart. ‘We may feel that betrayal in personal relations is an overdramatic notion. We claim that betrayal is a good reason to consider the meaning o our thick relation to someone, but we may drift into thick relations, and more important, drift out of thick relations for no reason at all. We may, for example, move to a different town because we find a suitable job there at a time when our thick relation with an old friend is wearing out. No big decision—indeed, no decision at all—is involved: being busy in the new place and neglecting to keep in touch or some such humdrum explanation, may account for our drifting out of the relation. If such a commonplace case can account for ending our thick relations with friends, why make a fuss over betrayal and turn ti into a momentous event?” (p.103)
The answer is fascinating, revealing and comforting. “Betrayal undermines the meaning of the relation. It colors the past in a way drifting away does not. Drifting away affects the future of the relation, but it does not affect the meaning of the relation to the past. Betrayal robs one of an important part of one’s past. The relation of the past looks to the betrayed like an empty shell. Drifting does nothing of the sort. It leaves the memory of the past intact.”
So the comfort those words bring is that I can hold onto the good memories of the friendship It does not change the fact that we are not friends now or will be in the future but does mean that we were once friends and were good to one another.
Going back to the October 17, 2018 blog and the delightful Titanic email.
He: (original comment) I suspect that if you had been on board the iceberg may have lost the argument and been melted down by the fire in your breast
She: A rather unique comment re: Titanic. Brings to mind you as figurehead Rose singing “My Breast Will Go On” – I hated that film, silently screaming sink, sink, sink after about the first half hour.
Me: You are SO smart. And funny
She: Only past 3:00 a.m. and could never be quick enough to do standup.
Referring again to the October 17,2018 blog, these two individuals are not passive recipients of social media, The individual who originally the sent the link responded to an email from me:
She: I just read it and thought you would find the topic relevant and insightful ,lush (skin company )even has a jelly mask titled F O M O .its when you think everyone is supposedly having more fun than you and a certain envy that arises from reading or seeing others doing things like parties amazing trips etc.but you are different as you also showed or talked about life’s ups and s downs and not just the rosy ups and that’s a more realistic view.
Me: What will I do without you?? But I do not have to contemplate that as we will be friends forever!
I received the following advice from a friend:
He: Keep you hand on your halfpenny/ char/ jilti/ common sense all gone. But not, yet , forgotten. Us oldies are tenacious.
Me: What does this mean. I will keep my hand on the halfpenny, the char, and the jilts (should I be able to find then) i it but what does it mean?
So other, than keeping my hand on the halfpenny, I am planning on going to the YWCA to take a class on relaxation, search for wheat kernels for use in a soup recipe and pick up some research from VPL. I read somewhere at sometime that there was an interesting DNA study involving the Icelandic people because they are a small and known population. As you know I am going to Iceland and am vitally interested in the land and its people. Sp I went to the research team at the library paid some money, and they located the study for me. I shall pick it up today.
The photograph is Aaron and myself. He is a trainer at the Equinox and, as I do not go there any longer, we drifted apart. He did not betray me, we drifted apart. We ran into one another and were so happy to see one another – as the picture portrays.