I have established a new pattern. As before I write the blog and then send it off to Chris in an email, then another email with the picture or video to be featured. It is always such a thrill to open my blog and there it is posted! If I am out and about I read it quickly on my phone but then later it is a reread and at that time I also read the three related stories that follow the daily blog. It is leading to disconnect which was only enhanced by the blog of May which included the CV of my application to be the Accidental Goodwill Ambassador to the Trump International Hotel. Why disconnect? Careful readers will remember that I was kicked out of that establishment last week. Security was called and the guy with the ear phone was not coming over to give me a Kiss or a hug – that I can assure you. I was on my way out anyway but out I would be going under his instructions.
So you are probably asking yourself: What happened? One day Queen of Sheba and then she is trash? I am a person of insight, one who has studied human motivation, has empathy and can see patters. But even with all of that, I have no idea. In the beginning days of the Trump there were 300 employees (now 160 said an Instagram post). Now not all 300 loved me, but I was extremely popular. My popularity is evident when reading the blogs beginning in late April 2017 to the end of August of 2017 (and beyond). At the present time only one of the 300 remain in my life, in any capacity. (E.H,B.) Many swore lifelong affiliation and affection but all disappeared, not emailing and never seeing my outside the confines of the hotel. Now I am not bitter, nor particularly angry, nor am I lonely. I have not changed – witness my popularity at the Equinox Gym (practically next door) which probably exceeds my popularity at the Trump. So whatever I have, I still have it. The emotions and feelings expressed in the old blogs are real as is the sense of alienation expressed in this blog. It is something inexplicable. None of it is or was phony but goodness gracious, great balls of fire, did it change. At the beginning of the end (early November) I could walk by the Trump and not see it. Sir Richard (aka Hottie) would marvel as we walked by on our outdoor training sessions.
He: Its like it is a hole in the ground. You don’t even see it.
Me: I know. It is weird, a strange gift I have.
He: Strange is right.
But then I mistook something for change and began not only to see the place but on very rare occasions even walk in. One bellman said:
He: I missed your hugs.
Me; I missed hugging you.
But then, during one very brief visit, someone called Security and I will never be back there again. Its not a hole in the ground, the way it was in the early days of separation but it is a place of no significance to me.
I am a person who prides herself on learning from her own mistakes. What have I learned from this? Never to be a long term hotel guest in a hotel again for one thing. But what else? I refuse to learn that I cannot ever trust or reach out to people. If people let me down and abandon me (as the Trump people did) I do hurt. But I do get over it. I would maim myself if i put up walls. One Trump employee said:
He: I have watched you with people. You have no walls, you relate to strangers as if you have known them your whole life.
Another Trump employee said:
He: Yes! We keep trying to build those walls but you keep knocking them down.
Perhaps there was a lot of truth in the latter comment, perhaps that is what they tried to do in all sorts of insidious ways.
Would my life be different if I never lived in the Trump? My goodness yes – it sort of threw me into the spotlight, it certainly cured me of any sense of loneliness and I was spoiled rotten. My friend Lynne said:
She: Is there anything the Trump International Hotel would not do for you?
Me: Apparently not.
I bravely attach a picture. I was away in Edmonton for about a week in June of 2017, returned to the Trump and was greeted by a red carpet, champagne and flowers. “Those were the days my friend, we thought they’d never end.” Well, they did!!! The Emperor (forner) told me how much everyone missed me. “The joy, the life went out of the hotel when you were gone.!”
Now we are both gone. What does remain?