So I am settling down, a lifestyle “friends” wished for me. “Friends” is in quotation marks because some of them do not seem like friends. I do remember that fabled saying: “With friends like you, who needs enemies?” It is applicable to some in my life. Some but, of course, not all. Friend and Guiding Light Bruce examined my new found situation.
Bruce: Alexis, you are settling down. Perhaps you will start living an ordinary life.
Me: Bruce, what do you think of the chances that I am going to be doing that?
Me: My sentiments entirely.
My stabilization does not stop my sass, actually it probably increases it. A friend is seeking a wife for the purpose of procreation. I sent an email entitled: A Droll Solution to the Wife Problem.
Me: My goodness where does my vocabulary come from? Droll is the perfect word for this solution. This is it. You clone yourself and then give the clone a sex change operation. You have someone of your sophistication but basic background, with a value system similar (if not identical) to yours. But I do know enough about the “birds and the bees” to know that you are going to have to get the eggs (ovum, I think) from some other source. On that I am stymied.”
He: No response as yet and probably never. That is what guys do, they respond only to certain email threads thinking that they can control the interaction. Lots of luck, my friend, lots of luck.
My ideally situated building is but four blocks from the Vancouver Public Library. I do so love libraries and this one is absolutely stellar. I do admit, however that I still need CCC’s help. Prior to quoting an email sent to him, (accompanied by his response) some background must be provided. I was at the Lower Level of the Trump International Hotel indulging in conversation with CCC, casually chatting I ended an inquiry with Hon.
Me: Me goodness. Do you realize I just called you Hon?
CCC: Yes, it was a little frightening.
Me: But it does prove one thing.
CCC: What is that?
Me: That you will answer to anything.
The other needed tidbit is that CCC was charged with returning my library books when I left for California about three weeks ago. He failed me for once.
The subject line of the email was: You Are My Hero (except for the library books)
Yes HON(????) you are my hero (except for the library books). I am in my apartment surrounded by the g.d. boxes and luggage. It was relatively seamless – tipped the guy $15.00 in my generous manner. So there! So there! So there! Where would I be without my CCC? Heaven? Hell? probably just impatiently hanging out in Purgatory. After the necessary conference call It will be off to the library to return the books. Could you please supply directions?
Again, it was CCC to the rescue.
CCC: So leave your building as if you were going to Cafe Medina again but when you get to Robson Street instead of going straight turn right. Library will be 2 blocks down on the left hand side. Have fun.
So I followed his directions, went to the library and did have fun. I am now on the waiting list for a book suggested by friend Lynne. It is entitled: Crazy Rich Asians. There was a book sale, and for less than five dollars I now have four cookbooks. I have an exquisitely equipped kitchen and I cannot wait to get back to my culinary endeavors. I was coming down from the fifth floor on an elevator, talking at (the operative word) an old deaf man who admitted that he did not have his hearing aids in his ears. Another young and hearing man overheard my conversation.
Dominic: You are delightful!
Me: Thank you so much. That is what all of the guys say. No I am just kidding.
Dominic: You made my day.
Me: Thank you. I have a blog.
Dominic: I will follow it.
Me: Thank you.
I left the library. It looked like rain. (Could this be Vancouver?) There was a stall with a man selling the neatest umbrella in the whole wide world. I bought one and will take a picture of the stall at a later time and post the picture on this blog. The umbrella is the most clever thing I have ever seen and it is colorful. I am naming my umbrella. I am calling it Alexis because it is clever and colorful. Hahahahahaha.
I write this blog from my bed. I have been up for ages – unpacking and I made breakfast for myself. Scrambled eggs with mushrooms and toast. All this and I can cook too.
I end with a very meaningful quote found within the pages of a book that Triple S gave me.
“Consider the possibility that you might actually be lucky when you get rejected from stuff. Because of this steak of what appeared to be bad luck, I fell into my life as it is today.” So sayeth Lisa Yuckawago and Alexis McBide.
I attach a picture taken of me ages ago. When visiting in California I had coffee with Lisa, one of my colleagues of old at County Counsel’s Office in Marin County. That is Lisa on the left and me on the right and proves that it is possible to get cuter when one ages. hahahahaha