The time of this writing is very early morning, 5 to be exact. I sometimes experience early morning wakening. It is a form of insomnia. One goes to bed and goes to sleep quite finely but then at some rather ungodly hour one wakens and cannot got back to sleep. If you live alone it is not a big problem because the solution is to just get up and get on with things. it is possible to get ahead of the game because it is like a gift of three or four uninterrupted hours. On the very rare occasions when I was not alone it was a total drag, it felt like being in prison, trying to keep still, to not turn on the lights, to not disturb the sleeping hump next to you. Believe me, it made me very happy to be living alone.
The window of my Dolphin Square apartment is open, This is the strangest thing, as far as I am concerned. There are birds singing, lots of them, It is really beautiful and very melodic. Somebody from this country was not surprised by bird singing in the night and said they even flew in the night. But that is not a North American phenomena, There birds sing at daybreak and that is the sign of daybreak. Jenn W. in California and I in London explored this in a recent email. This is how it went.
Its 4:30 here, I woke up early. The birds are singing, it is quite beautiful. Check out the blog (alexismcbride.com) Particularly the About Me part. I guess I will try and go back to sleep. Alexis
My dear blogger,
I was awake at 4:30 the other morning and stayed awake to listen for the birds singing in the dark, but there were none here until it got light. I think it’s too cold for them to sing when it’s dark. Oh well…
My dear friend
Your cold theory about birds does not fly (haha) because it is probably colder here than it is there. What do I think? A different species of birds perhaps. There is a special breed here called: Night Singer in Dolphin Square. (now that is funny). Alexis
I am happy enough with my theory. It doesn’t matter in a way, because I have been evicted. I will miss the birds; but I will not miss the bird brains. The bird brains being the management (a misuse of that term) of Dolphin Square.
So yes, as the title suggests, I was disappointed the day before yesterday. I need to get my head around it and readjust some of my thinking but I will definitely be fine. I was furious at a certain person who ended up to be cruel and cold hearted but that feeling went away. Anger is so energizing and, as I commented to Marcus, cleansing. But the experience caused me it is causing me to sort some things. There used to be a framed sign by the side of my bed that announced: I Shall Survive. It is not there anymore because I sold it at the Car Boot Sale where I bought it in the first place. But I had decided it was actually an incomplete message because I am not only going to survive but I Am Going to Thrive. I love that word thrive but it got overused in the recent past in California when Kaiser, a health conglomerate, used it in their incessant ads. But I am in London now so I will just get around to thriving.
A famous non fiction writer by the name of McPhee (I think) had a theory about the use of words. Rather than use a thesaurus, one should look to the dictionary meaning of a word and play with it. I will now do that with disappointment . The first source said that it was the failure of one’s hopes or expectations. Elsewhere it is defined as being the sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one’s hopes or expectations: Another source: A disappointment is what happens when things don’t go your way.
I learned a lot from that exercise. I learned that I was disappointed because things did not go my way. I had a hope, an expectation that was not fulfilled or in more simpler terms, a hope was dashed. But i realize, with a sudden stroke of wisdom, I would rather have a hope and have it dashed then to never have a hope at all.
So I am rather cheered. I hope that everyone who reads this is cheered as well. Well, except one person. The jerk whose behavior dashed my hope. He probably is not reading my blog anyway. He is too embarrassed.
It is now 6:15, my blog is written. There is a great deal to be said for early morning awakening insomnia.
It is fitting that we segue into this. I wrote a series of short non fiction pieces before I came to London in 2014. When I looked at them, in retrospect, they had a common theme of betrayal. Before 2014 I did decide to put them together and publish them. But instead I am going to put them in a special section of this blog. It was Chris Jackson’s brilliant idea. I am going to try it, it just might work. The reason this is a segue is the theme is betrayal and that jerk did betray me. Shame on him. So look for the special section. Chris, my hero, will set it up. I have already sent him the introduction to this section and more will follow. .