Often, very often and quite regularly people say: onto me.
They: You made my day.
Me: Thanks! One day I got nine You Made My Days. That was my record.
But today somebody made my day, I was in the midst of explaining my plans for the future to a woman employed at Costa Coffee.
She: You are going home!
Me: Well not really, Since I can hardly call the place home after all of these years. Not lived there in 55 years.
She: Then you are going there to have a New Beginning.
Me: How beautiful. Thank you! Thank You. You totally made my day.
Then I told several other people, including her manager that she made my day.
Okay okay you are saying. Too much seriousness, it is time for some frivolity. Well here it comes. Again I have help from the New Yorker. This has an extremely intriguing title: Sexual Fantasies of Everyday New Yorkers, . Here is the link so you can peruse it at your leisure. https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/sexual-fantasies-of-everyday-new-yorkers?utm_source=onsite-share&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=onsite-share&utm_brand=the-new-yorker.
Peruse is a verb meaning to read (something), typically in a thorough or careful way. Another way of saying it is read, study, scrutinize, inspect, examine, wade through, look through; browse through, leaf through, scan, run one’s eye over, glance through, flick through, skim through, thumb through, dip into. So now you can wade through, flick through, dip into and thumb through Sexual Fantasies of Everyday New Yorkers. Now THAT is funny!!!
Here are some rather unusual sexual fantasies.
“I find a lunch in Midtown that costs less than ten dollars. ‘Yes!’ I cry out. ‘Oh, God, yes!’ The cashier hands me a surprisingly substantial sandwich.”—Liz, works in Midtown.
“As a bearded barista pours my coffee, he discreetly reaches below the counter. My eyes can’t help but follow his hand—down, down—until, to my delight, he pulls out his big, bulging carton of oat milk. ‘I was hiding this from the other customers,’ he tells me, with a wink. ‘But you can have as much as you want.’ ”—Garth, Clinton Hill
My greatest sexual fantasy is just to have regular sex in my own apartment. But, in my fantasy, my apartment has a washing machine and a dryer.”—Sofia, Washington Heights
There are more, for you to wade through and run your eye over. But onto another amusing title that caught my eye: So You’ve Forgotten How to Make Small Talk. Here are just a few examples. .
What I Said: It’s weird being back at parties, huh?
What They Heard: Do your anxieties ever lead to internal screaming?
What I Said: Doesn’t anyone wear a mask around here?
What They Heard: I could be persuaded to adopt China’s policy of anal swabbing.
What I Said: Did you read that there’s a party in New York called Pheromone, for armpit fetishists who don’t wear deodorant?
What They Heard: In what ways have you tried to hurt your mother recently?
What I Said: Why is no one else bothered by how loud the music is? I’m worried that Alex’s upstairs neighbor is going to call the cops!
What They Heard: When I got my booster, I asked the pharmacist to give me the shot in my ass, just for the attention.
There are more for you to inspect and scrutinize at: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/shouts-murmurs/03/14/so-youve-forgotten-how-to-make-small-talk?utm_source=onsite-share&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=onsite-share&utm_brand=the-new-yorker
This is perfect! Runners Who Get On Your Nerves. Personally, for me, all runners get on my nerves but this author is perhaps slightly more selective.
The Random Exerciser/Psychopath. He made his impulsive decision to go for a run either because he was suddenly sick of being such a pasty gamer or needed to work off the urge to hogtie squirrels.
The dog abuser. This one cannot accept that her ‘best friend’ doesn’t share her enthusiasm for clean eating and going way to fast to skep good sniffing opportunities.
The naturally beautiful and genuinely happy. Nobody has to feel this bad about themselves just because you choose to go out in public with all that joy and robustness. Can’t you use a treadmill in your basement. And please stop saying Hi to everyone.
This jewel may be found at https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/runners-who-get-on-your-nerves?utm_source=onsite-share&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=onsite-share&utm_brand=the-new-yorker. There are more bothersome runners and the original is accompanied by amusing cartoons. Try it, you just might like it. Go to YouTube and listen to Yo
Gabba Gabba and listen to Try it, You’ll Like it (Eat). It is so funny, it is for kids but really for anyone when you think about it. Keep listening to the thread and you will get many many sons starring Jack Black in this utterly fun medley about making new friends, about being in a safe land, and doing a dance dance, with examples of monsters teaching math. Makes you wish you were a kid again. Well, not me as I had a most traumatic childhood but I can be a kid at this late age just listening to it.
People can, and usually do get in such ruts and never try anything different. You know the saying: The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.
All of this humor and joy is going to put you into a good mood as you sit around and wait for the Great Tribulation, counting all the major and minor signs as listed in the April 18th, 2022 and April 20,2020 blogs. I am not, unfortunately, joking about that.
Alexis McBride (aka Fatimah) can be most serious and terribly, awfully intellectual. I do love that saying: “I am not just a pretty face.” What does that mean? It is being attractive but also having other good qualities, such as intelligence. Used in a sentence: If she wants people to vote for her, she has got to prove that she is not just a pretty face. Where did that saying come from?” It was used to describe a person with more substance than mere physical beauty. Dating from the second half of the 1900s, the phrase was used for the title of a biography of screen actress Hedy Lamarr by Courtney Baalman (May 1999), which described her as a woman accomplished in many fields.”
At the moment I am in an extremely good mood, making plans for my new beginning. Wandering the halls of the Abu Dhabi Premier Inn it feels like I am the proud possessor of a Get Out of Jail Free card. Veteran Monopoly players will know what I mean. I definitely will miss this hotel, that is for sure. I would love to pick it up, with its staff and plunk it down in the place where I am going. That might, however, be impossible. Most, if not all, of the staff would appreciate such a move. Canada offers citizenship to workers in five years if they are there legitimately. In the UAE citizenship is never possible. A worker is forced to leave when they reach 65 – even if they have worked here most of their lives. That is a retirement plan from hell, it seems to me.
Strange photographs will be attached to this rather extraordinary blog. One is an unusual stuffed animal purchased at the Abu Dhabi Airport. It was pictured on Instagram with the following caption. I have a vast collection of unicorns – somehow and for a stupid reason. I found this today. It does not look like a horse but it is small and easy to pack. I am extraordinary which is another word for weird.
Then I did an Instagram reel featuring the book that is featured in the other picture. The caption on the reel read: Calm down Alexis. Filmed underneath a man whom you may know. Book is about a Brontosaurus called Billy. I am not quite that old. Hahaha 😂hahaha
So far I have gotten seventeen likes on my reel.