More than one catastrophe struck yesterday. Woke up thinking that I did not want to be “of the world” with the never-ending pandemic, and now the wildfires spreading all across California. It made no sense to learn about the horrors as there is nothing much I can do about anything. I am not, for example, a trained firefighter and actually never had the desire to be one. The only thing I can do about the pandemic is to keep myself safe – and I do a marvellous job of that staying in sometimes for a whole week at a time. Go out purchase groceries for the week, come in and stay in. By the way a catastrophe is a calamity, cataclysm, crisis, holocaust, ruin, ruination, tragedy, blow, shock; adversity, blight, trouble, trial, tribulation, mishap, misfortune, mischance, misadventure, accident, failure, reverse, woe, affliction, distress; meltdown, whammy; Antonym is a godsend.
I did unfortunately take a peak at the wildfire situation and found much to my horror that there is a deadly, out of control fire in Pt. Reyes. I owned a home in Pt. Reyes, lived there for at least five years. It is a lovely area, and there is such a sense of community amongst the residents. Personal Driver and I drove there a couple of weeks ago, I showed him my former home, we walked around the town and had lunch. But, at this point, to make matters worse – my old home is on the evacuation list. It would be a tragedy to the woman who purchased the home from me – she converted a portion of an out building into a Bed and Breakfast, has goats to keep down the grasses and has chickens. From the driveway I could see the status of the orchard, some trees and flower bushes I had planted years and years ago. . I was so thankful for that visit – little did I know at the time what would happen in a couple of weeks. My prior residence could become ashes. It does make one wonder about the permanence of things, and of life. Definitely the fire is an affliction, a tragedy, a blow. Yesterday when Personal Personal Driver came, brining breakfast. I certainly cried on his shoulde t about this adversity. .
Next came trouble, a tribulation, a failure. The WiFi in my apartment failed ,left me bereft. Now this would not be a tragedy under ordinary conditions – just pop downstairs to the public area of the apartment building or go to a nearby coffee shop and use theirs. But neither of these are possible in this day and age. I NEED the Internet to send Chris my blogs and to keep up with topics and learn about the world. My wifi is provided with the apartment – leasing it from Blueground – so I called them but help has not been forthcoming. They have ideas about self help, not being aware at how helpless and inept I am. I do not even know what a rotor is, much less what it looks like or whether or not it is blinking. I decided that I would write this blog and then try to figure out a way to send it. Otherwise I would tear my hair out and that would be a waste as I just had it blow dried.
Tomorrow it is off to Marin – where more stores and restaurants are open, some with WiFi service. .There may be a light at the end of the tunnel. So in one week I lost phone service and wifi service. All that on top of being self isolated, home sheltered or in solitary confinement for a crime I did not commit. There seem to be no end in slight of this inhumanity.
This self isolation is strangely affecting my thinking and stance on past relationships. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference and that was easily won as someone new would quite quickly emerge and all about the prior guy would be forgotten. But no one new these days and much time to reflect. Perhaps this is good – perhaps I can learn from my mistakes in this arena. I have slowly begun to abhor the former men in my life. Abhor’s synonyms are rather colourful; detest, hate, loathe, despise, abominate, execrate, regard with disgust, shrink from, recoil from, shudder at, be unable to bear, be unable to abide, feel hostility/aversion to, find intolerable, dislike, disdain, have an aversion to;. Antonyms:love, admire, delight in.
It is rather fascinating to write this blog, which is read by so many – but anonymously. I am rather convinced that at least one or two or three former ‘loves’ read my blogs. I am giving you notice that I find you intolerable, I recoil from you, shudder at the thought of you and feel an aversion toward you. You did not deserve me. Some of the men who cluttered up my life are, of course, dead. But not all of you.
But onto a brighter topic. I returned to Canada in 2017 after an absence of about fifty years and participated in the celebration of Canada Day. I had the brilliant idea of painting my face like the Canadian flag – other celebrants loved it and my picture was taken by about 85 people. It was most jolly. I returned to the USA – but painting my face like the American flag would be impossible. Then along came the UAE – all of those stripes in non flattering colours would not have worked either. A request to alter the flag was made but not honoured. But there is good news on the horizon. The flag of Qatar would be perfect – fine colours and a simple design, I can see me now and the people of Qatar would be delighted. I shall have to provide you with the design of the flag tomorrow as I have no Internet. What a drag. But I have provided a photo of me as the Canadian flag.