I have either outgrown my mentor or been betrayed by Margaret Atwood, You can take your choice. My August 24,2004 blog first discussed the experience of perhaps outgrowing a mentor. At this time I am returning to the topic armed with facts to support my position.
I began this blog by typing Margaret Atwood into the search engine of this blog. Eureka!!!! Love that search engine. It can find anything (on a good day). There were seven blogs with her name, usually in the title. The first entry was Mach 31 2017; the last August 24, 2024, the one which spoke of outgrowing a mentor, or being betrayed by a mentor. Either can describe the process as you shall see.
This was the real find, a total jewel, the March 31, 2017 blog was absolutely pivotal to my writing (unpaid career) Pivotal is the perfect word: of crucial importance in relation to the development or success of something else. Elaborating, here are some synonyms; crucial, vital, central, key, significant, important, determining, decisive. The story was written some time before, forgot that it became a blog entry. How Can I Tell The Story Of My Life When I Can’t Find My Voice? I met my then friend Colette for lunch, in a quandary, because I was beginning my non fiction, non legal writing but could not find my voice. She was helping me find the needed voice.
“So you say you can’t find your voice. What about telling your life story through the houses or places you have lived in?”
“Well, I tried that, but discovered I was writing upside down on the page. My house in Edmonton makes me write upside down. Clearly, I didn’t want to go there.”
O.K., then tell your life story through the men in your life. Actually, I only suggested houses because sometimes women don’t have a man in their life, but they always live somewhere.”
“Oh, come on! You know my life story! I could only live at one place at a time, BUT…. So there are way, way too many characters. Besides, I fear I may have been more into quantity than quality back then, so I don’t want to go there.”
“So you can’t find your voice because you were such a fast and loose woman? What about telling your life story by describing the cars you’ve owned?”
“Good idea! And, very age-appropriate in a way. My first car was a sports car and now I have a Granny SUV. But, I didn’t buy my first car until I was in my 30s, so that leaves out a lot of years.”
“So you can’t find your voice because you put off car ownership? What about telling your life story by talking about your favorite shoes?”
“Not a bad idea. I guess I could do it by decade. The first ten years would be my black patent leather Mary Janes. Then the next decade could be the high-heeled shoes I wore to the University in the middle of winter. (What was I thinking?) But that is a story without a happy ending. Now I just deal with flats and bunions, and more flats and bunions. And all I have to look forward to are comfy house slippers. Nope, don’t want to go there.”
“So you can’t find your voice because you have bunions and wear flat-heeled shoes? What about your teeth? Now that was a story!”
“Been there, done that! But it only gets me to 45 and the story was only eight pages, double-spaced. The only way I can expand on it is to have another dental emergency and find another idiot dentist. Definitely a real possibility, but I don’t want to go there. I could talk about calling in sick by saying, “Can’t come to work because I can’t find my teeth.” Novel approach, and you don’t have to cough or sound like you’re very ill. But at the most, that would only be an additional paragraph. I’ve been healthy all my life, so can’t do one of those illness stories. I guess I could do imaginary illness, but that’s more pathetic than having an imaginary friend.”
“So you can’t find your voice because you’re physically healthy?
What about all those years in psychotherapy? You could write about your therapy.”
“That’s interesting, because we laugh in the class about writing memoir as being therapeutic. Writing instead of therapy. I think to myself, what is this “instead”? Thirteen years of therapy is not very funny, though. If I have any voice at all, it’s sort of a dry wit. I guess I could take the voice of the couch that I laid on, but that’s sort of a limited perspective.”
“So you can’t find your voice because you’re a couch? I saw Paula Poundstone perform last week. She wrote a memoir called “There is Nothing in this Book I Meant to Say.” People asked her how she wrote it, and she said she has OCD. So she would sit down and start writing about, say, famous historical American figures and then get totally sidetracked and end up writing her own story.”
“Great idea! But I don’t have OCD, and I think it’s probably hard to fake. However, I’ll get the book and read it.”
“So, you can’t find your voice because you don’t have OCD?
What about comedy? Didn’t you recently take a class at Book Passage on comedy writing? Did it help?”
“Yes and no. I took the course, but it didn’t really help. How can anyone teach a course on comedy writing, anyway?”
“Well, you really can’t. But this is how it went. The teacher instructed us to make a list of things we loved and things we hated. Then we had to take the list, go from the general to the specific, and using “ comic logic,” play off the list to come up with something unexpected, and hence, funny.”
“Yeah? Give me an example.”
“I started out with the dumbest list of things I loved. For example, I said I loved a clean car; I mean, where can you go from there? But here is the one-liner. I love a clean car. By this I mean, I’d like to take off all my clothes, get on a conveyor belt, get sprayed with soap and water and then get rubbed down by a group of young Latino men.”
“Not bad, a little racist, though.” I responded: Ever been to a car wash? ( What is totally and absolutely unbelievable is this? At exactly the moment I was cutting and pasting this my phone my phone rang. The caller? A man (44) born in Mexico. We laugh consistently and consistently about him being a Wetback. I was born in an arid region of Canada – I guess I am a Dryback. (Dryburgh actually)
Back to the past. She asked me what else I learned from the comedy class.. “The teacher made us write down phrases: “Driving down a freeway is like…” or “Some aspect of a job is like…” and then she asked us to free-associate a thought to our phrases. So, for example, I ended up with, “Driving down a freeway is like writing.” And then you had to make a joke out of it. That was hard, but I was good at it, sort of. The instructor left the room for a few minutes, and people were asking me for help. I was quick at coming up with examples and laughing at my own jokes so when the instructor left the room for a few minutes’ people were asking me for help. One woman wrote that working as a waitress is like having her ears pierced, but she couldn’t find any connection between the two. I said they both involved pricks; she took that and made it into a great joke. So maybe, maybe I learned how to write a one-liner, but the problem is, life isn’t an unlimited supply of one-liners.
“So you can’t find your voice because humour is too confining?”
“Well, yes. And humour is not very authentic; it’s too fluffy and trivial. I want to at least pretend that I live a serious, consequential life.”
Colette’s words of wisdom, shall be emboldened: “But look at Margaret Atwood. She writes of serious things, but in a humorous way, and from the perspective the first-person narrative, and you’re good at that.”
I paid for lunch, went to the bookstore, bought three books authored by Margaret Atwood and sat down to write about my lunch with Colette.
So that is how it began. Stay tune for how it all ended.
But back to MY life and times. On September 14, 2024 sent an email to blog master Chris with the following Subject Line: I think I want my country statistics please. Not sure why. But I do. Might be a game changer, Thanks. He immediately responded: Ok, here you go Alexis, I wish there was a more elegant/ prettier way, Happy Saturday.
What is a game changer? An event, idea, or procedure that effects a significant shift in the current way of doing or thinking about something. The stat shall be attached to this blog. In a way they were a game changer, in a way they were not. I was surprised to see Saudi Arabia in third place, thought they had faded into oblivion. I have been in Malaysia for four months, given them the best months of my life. Where is the gratitude, where is the recognition? What am I doing here? First of all having a rest, well deserved, by the way. On the Day of Arafah (June 15, 2024) it was suggested that believers make a contract with Allah (SWT). I did. Number 3 of the contract read: See these days at Lexis Suites as a time of peace and healing but begin to prepare for another existence. Believers were to review contract at regular intervals. This was done, at an unspecified date. 3. Seeing that Lexis Suites as a possible home base but not renew on 7/13. Hmmmm. This is now September.
There have been several recent events, several recent ideas, several recent happenings – not just my recent statistics which have led me to view my Lexis Suites stay as a beginning for another existence. Cataract surgery will prepare me for another existence and then within a couple of days I will explore left knee replacement (right knee surgery in August of 2019 was a huge success). Then I shall emerge as a bionic woman, ready for anything and/or anybody. Loh Guan Lye Hospital is an ideal surgical medical facility for cataract and knee replacements surgery. The resources available for knee replacements and cataract surgery in almost any country in this wide world are most limited with waiting lists and exhausted medical personnel. I can think of no better investment that spending money on one’s health. It is my goal to be a contributing, productive citizen of whatever place I may call home – the refugee that I am.
My blog statistics by country shall follow. Viewers are people, views are the number of times a viewer returns to alexismcbride.com. The winner in the views/viewer category has consistently been Bahrain, although Malaysia is a close second. I was once banned in the UAE, happy to see that has been lifted. Interesting to see I have viewers in Nigeria (the former Prasiseworthy connection). Five viewers in Israel. Korea, Denmark, Mexico and Poland are tied.
Also a rather unusual Instagram reel. My former forty something face from a man’s phone with a message telling all to take a deep breath, smile and start again. Not a bad idea.
