Well, as we all know the situation in the Ukraine is a mess. But here is good news from wonderful Andy Borowitz, whose satire constantly cheers. “As the Russian invasion of Ukraine continues to encounter difficulties, Donald J. Trump has advised Vladimir Putin “just to claim that he won.”“He needs to get on TV and say that he’s the winner,” Trump said. “He should say that he had a victory in Ukraine like you wouldn’t believe.” Trump said that the Russian President should hold rallies across the country to tell his supporters that he won but that his victory had been stolen from him.”
I do laugh, imagining Putin out organizing rallies, with his stiff formality. But Andy adds more of Trump’s characteristic language. “I thought Putin was smart, but maybe he’s not so smart after all,” Trump said. “If he doesn’t say he won, he’s some kind of stupid dummy.”Trump said that, since his calls to the Russian leader kept going straight to voice mail, he left Putin a suggestion of what he should tell the Russian people.“All he needs to say is, ‘Frankly, we did win this invasion,’ ” Trump said.”
I have returned to Abu Dhabi in a triumphant mood. I am now officially a tourist and tourism shall remain my status in the Middle East. I sought a permanent refuge here in Abu Dhabi but my retirement visa was rejected – received the word on Valentine’s Day. But I have slowly made peace with it, paid a substantial and unwarranted (in my eyes) fine but visited an Agency and received word that I am in compliance and have a tourist visa which will expire in April but can ask for an extension (and pay some money). So all is well that ends well. I awoke with the feeling that I am a citizen of no country but instead a Muslim of the World. Yesterday was a glorious day at the Grand Mosque. My entrance into the Mosque was pictured with this caption
Me: Alexis (aka Fatimah) arrives at the Grand Mosque. I am SO happy to be here again. All Praise to Allah.
A wonderful very upbeat woman, met at the Louvre, commented:
She: You are the world’s best Muslim.
Me: I humbly assert that I am not but thank you SO much for saying so!!!
Me being humble is a bit of a stetch and slightly unbelievable but I did try.
There was another Instagram post by a person create2think; The profit was asked: What type of woman was the best. He replied: When you look at her you feel happiness. I responded:
Me: If you have a gift Allah says Use It. I have a gift to bring happiness and I do! All praise to Allah.
So that is my mission for today, to bring happiness to as many people as possible. Being miserable and worrying does nothing – solutions arrive not by worrying but my trusting Allah and being good to people.
Fortunately I am assisted in my mission of the day by ‘stolen’ humor. Well, not exactly stolen, as I do give credit when credit is due. For example, I do not pretend that I am Andy Borowitz but always credit is brilliant satire. I cannot possibly imitate him – he is the star as besides it is not an all together good idea to be satirizing Middle East Rulers, even if you are just a tourist without a country. Actually I have two – Canada and the USA, it just feels like I do not have a country to call home.
So here comes some humor, it is Andy Borowitz again, taking aim at Putin. “ MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest round of sanctions targeting Russia, the world’s manufacturers of performance-enhancing drugs have halted all shipments to Vladimir Putin’s nation. A spokesman for the International Alliance of Performance-Enhancing Drugmakers announced that its member companies would “no longer provide the illegal substances that for decades have been essential to Russia’s Olympic success.”
Don’t you love it?!? Illegal substances essential for Olympic success for decades” But then there is more, much more. Additionally, the spokesman said, a planned pipeline that would deliver such drugs as the heart medication trimetazidine from a manufacturing plant directly into state-run Russian gymnasiums would no longer be built. Addressing the sanctions on Russian state television, a visibly rattled Putin said, “Anyone who attacks Russia’s ability to dope its athletes is striking at one of our nation’s grandest traditions. This will not stand.” Despite Putin’s defiant pose, however, a Kremlin source said that mounting sanctions are starting to weigh on the Russian leader. “You know you’ve messed up when even Switzerland is pissed at you,” the source said.”
I cannot stop laughing at: “You know you’ve messed up when even Switzerland is pissed at you.” Andy is in fine form yet again, taking aim at Putin and Tucker Carlson (whomever he might be). MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—After placing strict bans on journalists’ coverage of Russia’s war against Ukraine, Vladimir Putin clarified that any ban on journalists did not include Tucker Carlson.“When it was reported that I was limiting the reporting of journalists, some may have misconstrued that to include Tucker,” Putin said. “To the contrary, I am an enormous fan of his work and want him to continue doing what he’s doing.”
Putin continues his abject apologies: “It pains me to think that I might have unintentionally insulted Tucker Carlson,” he said. “His work has given me great joy.” Putin said that he was issuing his clarification out of an abundance of caution. “I had thought that it was clear that I didn’t mean Tucker Carlson when I said ‘journalists,’ ” he said.”
Abject, by the way, has the greatest synonyms: groveling, crawling, creeping, fawning, toadyish, servile, cringing, sniveling, ingratiating, toadying, sycophantic, submissive, craven, humiliating. So Putin is apologizing in a fawning, toadyish, sycophantic fashion. But here is the best synonym of all: obsequious. Do not you love it?????
But this has to be the very best by Andy. MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Vladimir Putin has become “deeply worried” about his strategy after learning that Donald J. Trump called him smart, Kremlin sources have revealed. After Trump praised Putin Saturday night at the Conservative Political Action Conference, in Orlando, the Russian foreign minister, Sergey Lavrov, reluctantly shared a video of the disturbing moment with the Russian President.
“As Putin watched Trump call him smart, all the blood drained from his face,” a source said. “He was clearly shaken.”
Putin’s state of chagrin continued. “After watching the video of Trump, Putin spent a sleepless night in consultation with Russian military and intelligence officials to determine where and how he had gone wrong. “He’s rethinking everything now, and he’s in a very fragile state of mind,” the source said. “If it comes out that Don, Jr., or Eric thinks he’s smart, that could break him.”
Meanwhile, Donald J. Trump doubled down on his support for the Russian President, offering Putin advice on declaring Russia bankrupt.”
OMG, I am laughing, laughing, laughing – If Don Jr. and Eric think he is smart it would break him AND Trump giving advice on declaring Russia bankrupt. It is so improbable that it is funny, that is what makes it funny. Improbable also has many interesting synonyms: inauthentic, unconvincing, unbelievable, incredible, ridiculous, absurd, preposterous; contrived, labored, strained, forced. The antonyms are believable and realistic.
Of course, my favorite is inauthentic. I have not spoken of this in a long time but remember that new development in Malaysia, the one called Alix Residences? The banner the headline was
Brazenly Authentic. Who is brazenly authentic but me??? Do not know what is happening with the place now that Joo Kim Tiah (who named the place) and the parent Malaysian company declared bankruptcy. Hey, I wonder if they got advice from Trump? Probably, because Joo Kim Tiah was the owner of Trump International Hotel and Tower in Vancouver. That is where I met him. The rest they say is history. It means what happened next is well-known. Used in a sentence: A talent scout spotted her behind the counter at a soda fountain and the rest is history.” “Often used for a biographical or autobiographical account, this phrase dates from the second half of the 1900s. Nigel Rees cites a play on it by Alan Bennett (Oxford Today, 1988), describing his career change from an Oxford history professor to a Broadway revue artist: “The rest, one might say pompously, is history”
But back to Putin and Trump and humor. Trump was, an is, an utter Buffon and slowly everyone began to laugh at him and he lost his power. Humor defeats power, trust me it does. Look at this scenario – Putin ordering his troops to invade the Ukraine.
He: Go get ‘em guys. Go kill some Ukrainians, take down their infrastructure. Go for it.
The Troops: Are you kidding? You must be joking???? Even Trump, that idiot, did not invade Canada. Not even once. And talk about a helpless country! No way! Please go home to your wife and make babies. Russia’s birth rate is dropping.
I did suggest that on my blog, by the way, that he go home to his wife and make babies. I will look in the search engine and get back to you. I know I did.
I am not sure what I am going to use for photographs. The photographs taken of the Grand Mosque seem a bit inappropriate to this humor. Perhaps the one of my arrival. We shall see.
