Thought on Anticipation and a New Beginning.
As usual your choice of photo is ‘spot on” (“Spot on” is an informal expression, most common in British English, meaning exactly right, completely accurate, or perfect. It is used to praise or confirm that something, such as a statement, prediction, or performance, is precise and true.)
I love that photo of me, not only because I tied the scarf but one can see that I am in eager anticipation. The other ‘spot on’ is this: “I’m not just looking forward with hope, I am actually stepping into it.” That IS exactly what this is feeling like. And a GIANT step, it feels like.
This, from the Introduction,” you said so much better than I remember saying; What started as rest but turned into a healing, not just from a virus but from wounds left by people who never belonged in my life. Alhamdulillah for that clarity.” My thinking becomes more refined reading your words. Not only did these people not belong because of the ‘casual’ (and worse) way they treated me – they did not belong because their presence in my life was violative of the faith. They refused to listen and speak about these matters, it was as if they were deaf. The Quran deaf. The Quran speaks of such deafness, they will never hear. The believer must shun, say no. I have occasionally resorted to stronger language with one of them – two words, the second Off, you can guess the first.
Then you spoke of the realization that I am not just a blogger – I am a writer. That very recent realization has been freeing – out of the everyday drag of it all, expanding to other thoughts, other endeavors. Safe in the knowledge that Allah respects knowledge in all of its forms, not only religious scholarship. The more one learns of the world – the more one believes as one can appreciate Allah’s infiniteness (should infiniteness be a word, hahaha). And SO true ‘my Dream Team is always at my side”. Shamir and you so different in your ways and your approaches to everything – but what a ‘whole’ you two form. With the occasional added input from others, they so different as well. Nixon being one and Artificial Intelligence, the other. Cannot imagine two ‘beings’ being more different. Looked up the word being and found this, from AI actually: The word “being” has two primary meanings: the state of existing or living (e.g., “the universe’s being”) and a living thing or person (e.g., “a human being”). It can also refer to a person’s fundamental nature or self, as in “her whole being was in the part,” or in philosophy, to existence itself. Existence: 1) The state of existing; life. For example: “The group came into being to help relatives of the terminally ill. 2) Living entity; A person or animal; a living creature. For example: “Every person is a being, and so is every animal.” 3) Nature/self. The fundamental or essential part of a person. For example: She put her whole being into the part.
Being also has a role in Philosophy: Being can refer to existence itself or the fulfillment of possibilities. It is a central concept in discussions about reality, existence, and consciousness.
In case you are possibly interested: Synonyms for the noun “being” include existence, life, reality, entity, essence, and creature, depending on the context. If you are using it as a verb, its meaning is closer to “be,” and synonyms like exist, reside, or subsist can be used in that sense.
But back to your breakdown.
You speaking of my choosing the pink scarf, “ stepped out covered for the first time in a while. Nervous, yes, but also certain. Faith stretched into fabric, laughter stitched into moments, it all felt like the beginning of something new.”
And then this absolute truth – my words, to your words, back to a thorough realization. “So maybe anticipation isn’t just about waiting. Maybe it’s about noticing when the promise finally arrives. These real are the good old days, because they are happening now.”
Now I have eleven swipes to swipe. Here goes!!!
The Song That Set the Tone
Your last sentence captured my feelings. “Hopefulness, suspense, excitement, all wrapped into one. That’s exactly how this new direction in my writing feels like something wanting to bloom.”
Did not know I felt that way until I read those words.
Messages of Healing
My body was doing a lot of suffering but realize now my illness was not just about the body – “it clears space for the soul.” When did I realize that? When I read your words.
Behind the Scenes with the Dream Team
Yes indeed! When I wobble you two do steady me, keep me going and YES that is what makes you my Dream Team.
Illness, GIFs & Small Mercies
Not only did Shamir give me Coke Zero and Halal beers, he also sent me GIFs. I have NO idea how he found this one – which now can be shown.
“Not Blogger, Writer”
The celebration of my new business cards – not just a blogger but instead a “Writer/Scholar/Seeker” Then you said: “Allah was simply ahead of me.” Ain’t that the truth??
Responding to Nesh
Another example of ain’t that the truth: “We need someone else to hold up the mirror before we recognize the beauty of our own reflection. “ You did help me see that it was not struggles but a chain of blessings stitched together.
The Covered Alaa Emerges
That was what happened at Mojo, I had magically become Identity wrapped in faith.”
Anticipation Fulfilled
“These truly are the ‘good old days”, because they are happening now.
Then the photos – delicious Mojo appetizers and the scarfed me – in pink and then the next day, in black and white, my Palestinian scarf purchased in Edmonton at a Muslim Festival, before Gaza. I have not seen them being sold anywhere in Malaysia, nor Bahrain, nor Saudi Arabia, nor Qatar. I wonder what that says? Everything!!!!! Muslim leaders are not supportive of Gaza, the opposite. I would not like to be any of them on Judgment Day. I am pretty sure Netanyha’s fate might be worse, but unless they take some drastic steps they just might find themselves in the same locale as he will find himself. Different level perhaps. It is, of course, not up to me.
Then your conclusion. “This is more than another blog entry. It’s a pivot point, a rebirth of identity and purpose. Following along as I step into this new direction, one prayer, one scar, one post at a time. The journey is just beginning, and I’d love you there with me.”
I have humbly realized however, that some people do not have the capacity, the desire, perhaps the learning – to be there with me. I merely need to shrug, feel pity for those people and move onto those who have the capacity, the learning and the desire to journey with me.
To the Here and Now
Lots of excitement here at the Lyf Breakfast Room. Some I shall save for later. This now. I looked through my emails – found one from Penang Institute. WOW MaShallah. An announcement of a book launch.
“50 Years as a Muslim Feminist offers a candid account of Wazir Jahan Karim’s life, from childhood to retirement, against a backdrop of Malaysia’s cultural, academic and political dynamics. At its heart is the complexity of being a Muslim feminist in a divisive society. Her narrative demonstrates that each woman can successfully negotiate the boundaries between patriarchy, family and modernity if they believe that being a woman is synonymous with being a feminist. Her frank and refreshing memoir demonstrates confidence, individuality and charisma – catharsis in discovering the power of womanhood.”
Does this sound fascinating or what???? What did I do?? Got a ticket and then told Siri to schedule the event. Killed two birds with one stone.
If you say that doing something will kill two birds with one stone, you mean that it will enable you to achieve two things that you want to achieve, rather than just one.
Not sure what the two will be. Definitely learn what it takes to be a Malaysian Muslim feminist, that is for sure. But do not know what my other achievement might be. I will wait and see.
Not that long to wait. I am becoming more patient. I can do this!!! Hahahah
Here is a sneak preview of another excitement found this morning at the Lyf Breakfast Room. There was a lively tour group, did wonder what country they came from but was able to speak to a few of them. I was joined by the inspiriting tour leader. They were from South Africa. I now Whatsapp communicate with the tour leader. You may read of our correspondence, just as you hear of my text conversations with Shamir and Nesh. Hmmmm The Dream Team is expanding. Becoming a Dream Army. Of course, Shamir has sent me a Gif about That.
The photos that follow are a rather strange collection. I was looking for photos of Uncle Dave but none could be found. One is Alexis pictured with a restaurant owner on the day of the opening of his Penang restaurant, the others in KL. I was SO blessed to meet him. Such a humble, caring, man. How privileged I was to meet him. Then one of me stylishly clad in my Palestinian scarf. It was taken during a trip to KL – the colorful Islamic Art Museum forms the background. Then another one – me and a man, not be Uncle Dave. Hahaha
He: 911. There is a man on fire, Ohhhhh wait a minute. That’s me.
Me: You got extinguished. Hahahaha
The final photo is when sent got this reply.
He: Wow fallen angel.
Me: Nope. More likely the title is that I can fly. Hahahaha
I sent him a GIF which will also be posted at the end of the blog.
