The night before last night I had a dream, not exactly a nightmare, but it certainly was stressful. I know a great deal about dreams – having done dream analysis over the years, assisted and solitary. Most recently, I have done research on Islamic dream interpretation.
The basic understanding and foundation of dream knowledge is the awareness that the dreams emerge from the unconscious, unchecked, during sleep. The unconscious has no sense or awareness of time. That is why one’s dreams are frequently about the past.
In order to stop having nightmares and bad dreams it is necessary to sooth you unconscious during waking hours. What one does varies according to people’s psyches. For me, bubble baths bring relief. The Horrible Hilton had only only has showers, so my luxurious baths were are out of the question. I remembered a funny expression. In this Horrible Hilton every expense is spared. In a Ritz Carlton Hotel, no expense is spared. Hahahaha
Back to the dream. Chris and Kathy, friends of forty years ago were the co-stars. As in the past, I was the third wheel, which reminds me of twos company, three is a crowd – it played heavily in the dream.
Two is company three, a crowd is used to say that a third person is not welcome when two people (such as two lovers) want to be alone with each other. This expression, alluding to a third person spoiling the privacy of a pair of lovers, was already a proverb in 1546. It is not just a lover situation however, it is also true of other situations – two people have a bond or a connection,. The third persons, thrown into the mix, can often feel ganged up against. This was true in the dream. I was the third person, Chris and Kathy ganged up on me.
It is perhaps time for a joke, being funny can be fun. If zero is empty, one is lonely, two is company, three is a crowd and four is a party, then what is five? 5 is time for an introvert to go home. Think about that, it is funny. If the introvert goes home, then you can party. If you did not figure that one out, you are not stupid. Just not as smart as I am. Hahaha
Back to the dream. I was away on a trip, not on the home front. In by absence Chris and Kathy decided to join a gym and paid two hundred dollars, so I was expected to make a contribution, a third of the initial outlay. Visited the so-called gym, it was iIl equipped, in a humble home with no trained staff. I had my doubts, when I did not immediately fork over the money.
Commitments
Chris accused me of never keeping my commitments,. This, of course, made me feel guilty. However, I thought this over, even in the dream-alike state, realizing I never had made a commitment to join a gym, much less this one. Sometime later, after Fajr prayer, realized these two people had no commitment, no loyalty to me. It was pivotal, but we are not there yet.
I woke in time for Fajr prayer. Sunrise follows Fajr prayer, reverently went to the hall window overlooking the sunrise. Stood there, thought about Kohbar, decided was time to leave.
Writing at this moment I realize the importance of the dream, its connection to my determination to leave Kohbar. I had not made a commitment to Kohbar. My being there was, in a way, a trick , perpetuated by a Saudi man who manipulated me, He lived here, said I was part of the family but never, after the first day, did I ever see him or any other member of his huge family. He is patriarchal, puritanical Muslim (the worst kind), as those traits are always accompanied by arrogance.
His means of communication was WhatsApp. He found me amusing, I was an inexpensive plaything to be used at his convenience. He was often insulting, making me angry, chiding my anger without taking any responsibility for making me angry in the first place. He was a typical Saudi man, sent to the USA to be educated as an engineer by Aramco, rising in the ranks to be a senior vice president. Very late in the ‘game’ I did ask him of his standing when he retired. He said to keep it a secret, but told me.
Examples of his arrogance will follow. If there was ever a topic he did not want to discuss, he would just ignore my question or comments. At one point he admitted to this practice, saying in essence, that it was a male Saudi ‘way’ of dealing with differences. I told him that I found it irritating, his silence revealed his set ways and opinions. He learned nothing from others with novel thoughts or opinions, nor from people who were smarter than he was. And I was, not because of native intelligence but because I constantly seek knowledge. It is my curious mind. Do remember that on Judgment Day the ink of the scholars is valued more than the blood of the martyrs. Puritanical Muslims, born to the faith, ignore vast portions of the Quran and pay little heed to scholarly discussions. My discontent with his shallow views, his casual mistreatment of me grew. The final and absolute affront occurred in Jeddah. He had, at one point in time volunteered at some point to get a doctor for me., saying that a Saudi man rich in hospitals, was a childhood friend.
While I was in Jeddah I had an allergic reaction which was not clearing up so needed to see some one. He made an appointment with someone, but I was to call and confirm the appointment. Went to the lobby, asking Sara to assist me with the call – he told me to call and confirm an appointment. I asked Sara, the wonderful receptionist at the hotel to help me place the call. She learned the appointment could only be confirmed using his number, for privacy reasons, as he made the appointment. She told him this, I was standing with her. He began screaming at her in an abusive manner, refusing in any way to assist she, me and the clinic. Didn’t need the guy. With Sara’s help, the concierge’s driver and a ride of a couple of blocks found myself in the emergency room of newly opened hospital. All of my medical needs were addressed, the staff so competent, so helpful. Mohammed the Tall, an administer of the hospital. wants me to film a video telling the word of my impressions of the medical care.
I did remain in contact with the Saudi man after this. I did express disgust with his unnecessary treatment of Sara, but received on response. All communication with him ended in this fashion.
Me: I am going to Bahrain on Sunday. I told you that before. Can you not read? I rest my case which is an expression meaning I won. Again. Proof again that good triumphs over evil
He: I am not in a race. I am in Riyadh for medical appointments.
Me: I have heard there are great doctors here in Kohbar and in Jeddah. Your response is so typical. “I am not in a race.” You were too, and you lost. Loser. You shoulda had me in you life before. Hahah
He: You are right. My files are in Riyadh
Me: Files are on the Internet stupid. My first husband was a pioneer in computer medicine.
He: Enjoy your day.
Me: I am getting packed, writing the blog Contributing to the world with my positivity and reflecting on how the faith enhances one’s everyday life. We went on to discuss medical care in the world.
He: (in response to something earlier) Not just in Nigeria. Also when you are poor you do not.
Me: I am not poor. And I earned my money myself. The Saudi government did not pay for my education. You are not only arrogant., you are entitled, racist and stupid. Hahaha Bye. Then I blocked him. He was the ‘reason’ I came to Kohbar.
The dream contributed to my insights that dawn morning. It was a blessing, I was not committed to Kohbar because I was lied to. How can you make a commitment based on a lie?
I leave, learning a great deal from my mistake.
When he first met me, actually here at the Ritz, I was in a rather helpless state and situation. In the days and weeks to come, he resolved none of the problems – gave a tour of Kohbar the second day but then disappeared. I do very well on my own, soon developed my own network and with that a growing sense of independence. The more independence and success I experienced and revealed to him the more derogatory he became. Derogatory is showing a critical or disrespectful attitude.
From now on, the first time a person treats me in a derogatory fashion I shall get away from that person and that treatment. For your edification, and mine, the synonyms are instructive. Those people will be belittling, diminishing, slighting,, depreciatory, detracting, deflating; disrespectful, demeaning, discrediting, dishonoring; critical, pejorative, negative, unfavorable, disapproving, uncomplimentary, unflattering, vituperative, nasty, mean; hurtful, damaging, mudslinging, bitchy, catty.
I personally prefer mudslinging over bitchy and catty, those words usually used to describe women’s behavior.
I look to what I might have done differently. I suppose I thought that I could earn his approval, I suppose I thought I could ‘use’ him, to help get medical care, for example. But I have learned, when you try to use people – they use you. You get used, until you get used up. Read the words to the song Use Me. Do not know what to make of it. Is the guy a masochist or is he getting something positive from the relationship? Decide for yourself. Personally I do not like being used up and thoroughly intend not to be. I have repented – being used is a sin. Casting oneself in a victim role, blaming others for your misfortune – is a sin.
USE ME
… Well, my friends feel it’s their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me
Well, my answer said all that use me stuff
Is I wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Uh huh, until you use me up
… Well, my brother, you know he sit me right down and he talked to me
Well, he told me, that I ought not let you just walk on me
And I’m sure he meant well
But when our talk was through
I just said: Now, brother, if you only knew
You’d wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
… Sometimes, it’s true you really do abuse me
Well, you get me in a crowd of high class people
And then you act real rude to me
But oh, baby, baby, baby, baby
When you love me I can’t get enough
… And I wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
… Talking ’bout you using me
Well, it all depends on what you do
It ain’t too bad the way you’re using me
‘Cause I sure am using you
Back to the Saudi man. It was, I suppose, a privilege to get to to know him as it is important to know your enemies. Saudi Arabia has not proven to be my friend. I thought so, but then I learned so much. Everyone talks to me. I couple that with research, reliable news source. I think independently. I search for the truth.
More about my disaffection with Saudi Arabia in a later blog.
I am now, as they say, fat and happy at the Bahrain Ritz Carlton. Photos of flower displays, and my toes. WhatsApped the photo to best friend Noor with this caption.
Me: My toes. What is the mess in the bed? I fell asleep on a chocolate bar and it melted. Honest. Hahaha It is funny.
Also a photo of Noor’s morning greeting to her Sis, which is Me.
No response as yet. She is probably laughing so hard she cannot type. Who knows.
