Just in case you are thinking that the blog post of June 1. 2023 contains false information I have a photo AND a website to prove the veracity of the words that were written. The photo will follow the blog, the website containing the famed photo: together.ualberta.ca When at the website go to PCOS Together at Women’s Walk 2023.
Veracity is a noun with a couple of meanings: 1)conformity to facts; accuracy 2) habitual truthfulness:
Honestly, (hahahaha) here are some synonyms truthfulness,, accuracy, accurateness, exactness, realism, authenticity, faithfulness, fidelity; reputability, honesty, sincerity, trustworthiness, reliability, dependability, scrupulousness, ethics, morality, righteousness, virtuousness, goodness.
The photo is a view of SOFTS and Alexis McBride walking down the dusty trail. This photo was sent to me directly.
She: I really like this picture that Dr. Vine took of us.
Me: I guess I do too but personally I think my front side is better than my back side. Hahaha
Back to the continuing saga. Saga is of course the perfect word. Its meaning: a long story of heroic achievement, especially a medieval prose narrative in Old Norse or Old Icelandic OR a long, involved story, account, or series of incidents. Saga’s synonyms (which say it all) are: chronicle, legend, folk tale, narrative, adventure, fairy story, myth.
But this is nether a fairy story nor a folk tale (to be completely honest.)
The June 1 blog found our two heroines (she and me) resting on a conveniently located bench resting on their laurels. Then new truths were revealed.
She: I have to go
Me: Go where?
She: You know, go to the bathroom
Me: Well, oops for you. Guess you gotta go in the bushes over there.
She: I am scared of spiders.
Me: Well that is not my problem. You expect me to go in the bushes with my bad knee saying “Go away bad spiders!” I am not sure spiders have ears and even if so, I am not sure they speak English.
She: Yonder there cometh an Edmonton truck. Maybe we can get him to give us a ride.
Me: Okay! Girlfriend!! I got this one! I shall take the lead. You just please be quiet.
She: Okay.
Me: I will try not to be funny because laughing in your condition may cause problems.
She: Thanks. I know how very difficult it is for you not to be funny.
Me: A friend in need is a friend indeed.
We both walk toward the Edmonton truck, me with my limp (which is admittedly exaggerated at this moment in time). Do remember this about me: I always tell the truth, but sometimes I exaggerate. This was a circumstance that required exaggeration. I limped, smiled and waved, walking toward the truck,. I saw that the truck was picking up garbage but, as they say, beggars cannot be choosers.
Beggars cannot be choosers is a proverb meaning people with no other options must be content with what is offered. What options did we have??? There was not a limo in sight. Nor a real knight in shining armor riding on a horse with a saddle big enough for three.
The expression beggars can’t be choosers was first recorded in John Heywood’s A dialogue conteinyng the nomber in effect of all the prouerbes in the Englishe tongue, published in 1562: “Beggers should be no choosers, but yet they will: Who can bryng a begger from choyse to begge still?”
But back to the scene of the crime (which has not been committed as of yet.) This is the conversation as I remember it, some eight days later. .
Me: Hello. Could you help us please??? We are doing the Women’s Walk but I have a really bad knee, my left knee as you can see. I cannot go on.
He: I am not supposed to do this but I know how you feel. I had a bum knee too, I can feel your pain!! So jump in and I will give you a ride.
Me: Well, I cannot exactly jump but I will get in! I am so grateful!!
So SOFTS got in the middle and off we drove.
Me: You are the best guy!! I could sign a waiver of liability to make the city of Edmonton happy. I used to be a lawyer.
He: Don’t tell them that!I will just drive carefully.
Me: I am sure you always do! Especially when you have precious cargo! I am talking about the two of us, not the garbage.
They: Hahahaha
We fearlessly drove on, reaching the parking lot.
She: We can just get out here.
Me: Are you kidding??? It is a long way to the starting (and finishing) line. Need I remind you that the outdoor loos are located there?
She: But there are barriers to stop our entry.
Me: Leave this to me!! I got this one! Carry on Driver!
Driver: I got your covered! We are doing this together.
I politely explained our mission to the gatekeepers. The gates were opened onto us and we drove toward the starting/finishing line.
Me: You are absolutely fantastic! Thanks you for your helpfulness and your courage under fire.
He: It was a pleasure to serve you Ma’am
Me: Sheikha Fatimah to you, Kind Sir Hahaha
I limped on, SOFTS looed on. Members of our PESO team, who had finished the walk were rather startled to see us.
They: We did not see you cross the finishing line. How did you get ahead of us, how did you do this, and you with your bad knee Alexis
Me: Well, we actually had chauffeured assistance. We were rescued by a knight in shining armor driving a unique and modern vehicle.
There is a Christian expression. God helps those who help themselves. There is an Islamic counterpart. These are not the words found in the Quran but the essence is this: First you put in the effort and then Allah (SWT) decides if what you wish for will work within the confines of your destiny.
There was a decided advantage to arriving at the finish line promptly. The physiotherapists were not busy as yet. I had to make a choice, between a) a back message or b) climbing into a strange contraption that massaged your legs and lower body. I chose (b), receiving the same response given by a waiter when you choose something from the menu.
He: Excellent choice
Me: That’s what all the guys say.
The sensation was most pleasurable.
Me: This is great! It is better than sex, from what I can remember but its been a long time.
He: Why is that?
Me: Well along came covid and then I became a Muslim. No sex unless you are married and I am between husbands. Hahaha
Soon I was joined by a man in the adjoining chair. We fell to talking – well actually he was forced to listen. I told him about my birthday May 29. His was on May 30. We asked a passerby to a photo of the two Geminis.
There was food and drink to be had. Not only that but a goodie bag, full of treasures, such delights!! One woman commented:
She: There is nothing here for the men who walked.
Me: Excuse me! It is a Women’s Walk! At least we let them join us. Besides, perhaps they might need a little moisturizer or dry shampoo.
A photograph of the contents of the goodie bag shall be shown. Such a treasure trove!
In my usual fashion spoke to everyone, passing out my blog card in gay abandon. There was a special area for VIPs. Decided to investigate.
Me: What does one have to do to be a VIP?
She: 45 of us from the Jasper Place Shopper’s Drug Mart signed up for the race. More than any other store.
Me: Congratulations!! I would not qualify because I am retired.
I chatted with a wonderful woman, who showed photographs of her famous daughter, an Internationally acclaimed model.
Me: Congratulations! You were a great mother!
She: Why do you say that?
Me: Because you let her go – at the age of 18. It must have been hard. Put all that effort into child rearing and then, if, you did your job properly – you let them go!!
She: It was so difficult but we are SO happy for her.
I was presented with a donut, having a big mouth and assertiveness does have its rewards.
It was THE END, so walked to the parking lot. It was such a mess, congested, no traffic control, no headway, nothing going on!! I did take matters into my own hands, I do have to admit. Later SOFTS and I had the following text message exchange:
She: You have GOT to do a final sequel about the parking lot.
Me: I am not doing the parking lot. I was not at my best.
She: okay no worries. U did move mountains in the parking lot tho.
Me: Yeah but I was hardly behaving like a modest Muslim woman and I have my reputation to protect, you know. Hahaha Just in case of a husband
She: Lucky #5
Me: Not got #4 yet.
Apparently the lack of parking lot organization takes place on a yearly basis. Either we have got to get a woman who thinks like a man on the planning committee or individual solutions might be found. I have my solution. Me and my people will hire a stretch limo. I have already found a chauffeur and shall book him ahead of time. I know the date, the place of pick up (my apartment), the approximate length of time at the destination and the drop off (my apartment). I know what is needed as I have been trying to arrange a limo for a young woman but cannot get the information from her mother. I am afraid it will be booked by the time she gets around to telling me the essential information.
By the way, my third husband (twice removed) once said.
He: Alexis, you think like a man.
Me: Thank you. I shall take that as a compliment.
He: It was meant as one.
That was about the only thing we agreed upon. For complicated reasons I divorced him twice (no reunion in between) and then he died. If I only would have waited I could have saved so much money. But it was impossible to wait as he was using up all the equity in the house with reverse mortgages, without my permission. Sad but true.
But onto more cheerful news. We shall now revisit my 80th birthday (whether you want to or not). I received the most touching card, which will be pictured. . It contained the following message from two young men.
They: Wishing you a wonderful birthday as bright as your smile, as sweet as your love toward us and wonderful as you are.
I am blessed!! I am unique, reaching the ripe old age of 80 with no kids and no family, no old friends as they (and others) abandoned me when I changed. Then capped off that metamorphosis becoming of the Islamic Faith on October 20, 2020.
Metamorphosis has many meanings but here are some synonyms that speak to my metamorphosis: Transformation, change,, conversion, restyling, reconstruction, reordering, reorganization, transmogrification.
It should come to no surprise, to those that know me best, that my favorite is transmogrification. Hahaha
