More Hilarity from The Borowitz Report: Gavin the Governor Displays Absolute Arrogance Once Again; Arrogance Defined; Another Totally Funny Article Stemming from the New Yorker With a Link So That You Can Find It Yourself

Well Andy is at it again, and thank God for that. This is the most recent from his pen (or computer).The United States is celebrating a full week of Donald J. Trump not talking, Americans have confirmed.
From coast to coast, Americans are savoring their freedom from Trump’s utterances for the first time since 2015.“As much as I wanted Trump to lose, I had no idea that losing would make him stop talking,” Carol Foyler, who lives in Pittsburgh, said. “I feel like I’ve won the lottery.”Tracy Klugian, who lives in Minneapolis, was more guarded in her ecstasy. “I want to celebrate Trump not talking, but I guess I’m afraid to,” she said. “He’s been quiet for a week, and I don’t want to do anything to jinx that.”But Harland Dorrinson, a resident of St. Louis, felt that an occasion as momentous as Trump being silent for a week “must be honored.”“I believe that we’re living through an important moment in history,” he said. “Someday, people will ask, ‘Where were you when Donald Trump stopped talking?’

But this entry by Andy is even better. “In a new controversy ensnaring the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, forty per cent of the nation’s toilet-paper supply has been found in Senator Richard Burr’s garage. The discovery of the coveted paper products occurred on Saturday morning, when Burr, who had been checking stock quotes on his phone, accidentally leaned against his garage-door opener.The garage immediately disgorged the priceless cache of toilet paper, which tumbled into the street and snarled traffic for three blocks. Picking through the mess, a sharp-eyed neighbor of Burr’s found a Costco receipt indicating that the senator had purchased the toilet paper in early January, shortly after he received classified information about the potential scope of the covid-19 pandemic. In an official statement, Burr angrily denied that there was “anything inappropriate” about the mountain of toilet paper he was hiding in his garage.“My wife buys all of the toilet paper in our house and has done so since we wed, in 1984,” he said. “I have never been a part of those decisions, and any attempt to imply otherwise is a malicious hit job.”Burr said that, in order to dispel any suspicions about his actions, he was offering to donate the toilet paper to U.S. citizens for only thirty dollars a roll.”

There is another louse in the news, Gavin the Governor who is perhaps even more arrogant than Donald J. Trump. Arrogance is viewed as conceit, haughtiness, hubris, self-importance, egotism, sense of superiority; pomposity, high-handedness, swagger, boasting, bumptiousness, bluster, condescension, disdain, contempt, imperiousness; pride, vanity, immodesty; loftiness, lordliness, snobbishness, snobbery, superciliousness, smugness; pretension, pretentiousness, affectation; scorn, mocking, sneering, scoffing; presumption, insolence; uppitiness, big-headedness. Antonyms are: mility, modesty “California Gov. Gavin Newsom reportedly violated his state’s COVID-19 guidelines by going to a birthday party in Napa with more than three households in attendance.The Chronicle reported that Newsom and his wife Jennifer Siebel Newsom attended longtime adviser Jason Kinney’s 50th birthday party at French Laundry in Yountville (Napa County) on Nov. 6, and there were over 12 guests in attendance.The state guidelines for social gatherings reads, “Gatherings that include more than 3 households are prohibited. This includes everyone present, including hosts and guests. Remember, the smaller the number of people, the safer.”California has enforced some of the strictest COVID-19 rules in the country, and Newsom himself has stated that large social gatherings are the primary driver of spread in his state. During a press conference this week, Newsom said “people are letting their guard down,” and warned against different households mixing for the holidays.”

So how does Gavin the Governor’s mind work – rules, regulations, guidelines apply to everyone else, but not him? And what are the responsibilities of his wife? They have four children at home – what a loving gift to bring home to them the COVID-19 virus. I certainly hope that birthday boy Jason makes it to his 51st birthday and he was not gifted with the COVID-19 virus – the gift that apparently keeps giving. There is an hilariously funny November 20, 2020 article, an Honest Made-of-Honour Speech at a Pandemic Wedding. You absolutely my read it, it is hilarious and here is the link. This is how it begins:”Dear friends, family, and grandparents—whom I’m surprised to see here. Wow, and you’re not wearing masks. Bold choice! We are irresponsibly gathered here today to celebrate the love between Jenna and Mark.When Jenna first asked me to be her maid of honor, I was shocked, because there’s a highly contagious disease going around which makes travelling and gathering in large groups potentially lethal activities. But who cares, right? I mean, I care. We should all care, because not caring is how the virus spread in the first place. Ha ha! But today is about you, Jenna, not science. Obviously.” The author is Meghana Indurt. These are the ending words: So let’s raise a single-use glass in a toast to the bride and groom! I’m very excited to celebrate this momentous event with you, though I will not be having a slice of the cake or joining in the dancing. My Lyft is actually outside. I wish you both a long and healthy life. I also wish that for myself, which is why I’m leaving. Oh, and one last thing—everyone please sign the guest book. It’s a gift for the happy couple and will be used for contact-tracing purposes.” This hilarious offering is most apt and applicable to the situation that Gavin the Governor perhaps created, maybe it was his idea to throw the party for Jason – here is hoping it’s not his last.

The latest word is that Marin (my refuge) has shut down indoor dining due to the ‘numbers.” Oh well. For reasons which will be articulated in tomorrow’s blog such a ban on indoor dining is ridiculous and totally counterproductive.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *