Yesterday morning it happened. Awoke in utter hopelessness and despair. I had hit the wall, hit bottom. , This never ending isolation and stupidity directing it hook their toll. Hitting the wall is a term that is used in an athletic context “When you hit the wall, it feels like you have run face-first into a stack of bricks. Your legs start feeling like concrete posts, every step is a triumph of will and you seriously doubt that the race actually has a finish line.” It is perfectly appropriate in the setting of San Francisco, California which is essentially shut down, has been for five months with no hope in sight. I doubt that this ‘race’ has a finish line and it feels like I have run face-first into a stack of bricks. This horrible feeling has been coming for days – I realized when it was faced and acknowledged. I have not been in denial (that river in Egypt) but optimistic that a vaccine would be found and I could get on with my life. But I do admit, I lost hope and have become excruciatingly Impatient. This is the word to use as it means “ to an intensely painful degree:”
So what did I do? I did not commit suicide – otherwise you would not be reading this blog. For many reasons no attempt made, but a new major reason is the Islamic faith forbids suicide and one would not to go paradise on Judgment Day if one did so. That is why Islamophobia makes no sense – suicide bombers would not be facing virgins in heaven – they are going to the other place where there are no virgins. That would be funny except for the fact that Islamophobia has been alive and well since 9/11. But as Muslim adherents are growing at a pace greater than all other religions, it is loosing its hold. Radical Muslims excuse me there are no such things – they are merely evil men (and sometimes women)
But back to me – what did I do in my misery? I did not write my daily blog – how could I? I like to spread joy or, at least, information. I had a soothing bubble bath and then it was time to be picked up by Personal Driver. It was off to Marin for a blow dry and lunch with a stop for grocery shopping back in San Francisco. Personal Driver was most concerned about my state of mind – we discussed solutions. He was most helpful. I have been waiting for the mosques to open before I join the faith, but this is not working here in the San Francisco Bay Area. I did want face to face meetings with a Mullah but perhaps that will not be possible in the near future. Instead, an alternative will be sought. I have been preparing questions which will show that I have extensive understanding of the faith based on my own research. This made me feel most hopeful. Then we spoke of the opportunity for travel even before the vaccine is discovered. I have many, many frequent flier miles that are honored on British Airways (I had checked that out). So I could travel to London or to Qatar in First Class, leaving from SFO. That gives me a degree of hope. Finally finishing the book on Uncle Dave with computer Guru’s help. That would give me a sense of accomplishment and bring to an end a project that has been moving, (admittedly in fits and starts) for almost six years. Quarantine issues in both countries need to be explored, there is a place where I can quarantine in Qatar. Life would be about the same but it would be a grander venue. Personal Driver and myself have been working on a plan to sell my book on the Tate Britain. Boxes of the books decorate my living room – I was planning on doing a book launch from the roof of my apartment building – but that clearly is not going to happen with restraints in place which never seem to cease. So the book will be advertised on this blog – people desiring the book will send a check or money order (probably in USA funds) – then Personal Driver will send the book off to them. We have found suitable envelopes, gotten a mail box in a UPS Store and opened a bank account. We are cooking with gas, as the expression goes.
We drove over the Golden Gate Bridge to Marin, it was raining, so unexpected! My hair stylist so happy to see me, and I her. We laughed together but also talked about the impossible situation that exists in this Bay Area – due to uninformed individuals like the Governor and the Mayor of San Francisco. But we laughed and made an appointment for next week. Then a brilliant idea came to mind. It was off to McGinnis Golf Course and their covered patio dining. It seemed normal, like it had been for years and years and years when I lived in Marin. The waitress was wonderful – I ordered a rare hamburger which was so delicious. It is almost impossible to get a rare hamburger in either London, the UK, or in Vancouver, British Columbia Canada. Many people on the patio, all happy and without their face masks – as one cannot eat with a face mask. I spoke to two adjoining tables, bringing them laughter and joy. Personal Driver was most serious as we drove to Marin initially. .
He: Alexis. You bring laughter and joy to people. You cannot stop that.
Me: I know, but right now I feel I cannot.
After a stop for groceries it was back to my solitary apartment. As he left after helping with the groceries, he said for reasons that will be explained in the next two or three painful blogs.
He: Lock the door when I leave,
Me: Of course. Did I cheer?
He; Yes you did! I am so proud of you.
Then home to read such hopeful news, from the Jerusalem Post from an August 12, 2020 article. “Over three years ago, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates (UAE), Bahrain and Egypt imposed a blockade on Qatar over its alleged support of Iran and terrorism. The three Gulf monarchies also expelled all Qatari citizens from their countries and provided their citizens living in Qatar with a 14-day deadline to leave the blockaded country. Egypt, however, has not placed any travel restrictions on its estimated 200,000 citizens residing in Qatar nor has it expelled Qataris living in Egypt or imposed an economic embargo on Doha. The draconian measures taken against ordinary Qataris triggered an enormous anger over being separated from relatives and business partners, which, in turn, solidified their belief that Qatar’s immediate neighbors had become mortal enemies overnight.”
The article continued: “The crisis, however, quickly migrated to Washington where surrogates representing the UAE, Qatar’s regional nemesis, sought to secure US President Donald Trump’s support for their blockade by focusing on Doha’s links to Hamas. The anti-Qatar rhetoric in Washington had almost exclusively been focusing on Hamas and was specifically tailored to drag Israel into the inter-Arab conflict with potentially devastating geopolitical consequences, including for Jerusalem.” The article is titled Israel and Jews not enemies.
I understand that the UAE did something insanely stupid to attempt to derail the peace process. I shall not report it. The strangest of all stories is how a woman born in Saskatchewan is somehow involved in the peace process in the Middle East. Will discuss that tomorrow or the next day or the next.
I shall attempt to send Chris, computer guru. a video taken on Mission Street in San Francisco. There is some activity and joy in limited areas in this city. It was taken last week on our neighbourhood visits – me and Personal Driver.