I asked Wise Man the following question.
Me: Why is it that men do not get over me?
He: It is because you have a tipping point. You seemingly tolerate unpleasant behaviour on the part of the man you are involved with. They think everything is fine. But then you reach a tipping point and you say. NO and walk away.
Me: You are so right! They think they got away with bad behaviour but they really did not.
He: Yes, and they do not understand what happened.
Me: I know! But an action (or an inaction) becomes the straw that broke the camel’s back. That strange expression. It can be a trivial thing, but the tipping point has been reached.
He: And you never look back. The rejected man is lost in bewilderment.
Me: Yes, And I do not get angry with them and that is also important, because I do not feel anger. It is simply that they did not deserve me. I worked hard in the relationships and they did not.
He: Yes. Then they can not fall back on your anger and rage. So they continue to wonder what they did wrong. They have no reason to be angry with you. So they are left with longing.
Me; And then often, someone new appears and replaces them but is not the cause of the break up. I suppose one could say it is the result of the break up. Hahahaha
But there is a solution to the problem which shall be revealed in a subsequent blog, the beginning of the tale in this blog.
I do love the newly restored function of the blog wherein the blog of the day is followed by three Related Stories, So it is possible to learn so much about my prior days and to recall with tenderness previous men in my life. Look to the blog of February 11, 2020 and read the related stories from my Vancouver days. It is with tenderness I remember Adam Temple, a most handsome and occasionally funny man. Here is an example which happened in May 2019 in a restaurant in Vancouver. He suddenly stand and walks down stairs.
He: I am going to the bathroom.
Me: Really? Number One or Number Two
He: Three
I later say to him.
Me: I know, you were going to jerk off.
After lunch he left to ‘give back’. He is a highly successful entrepreneur who was hosting a sit down dinner for the homeless,
Anyway, things did not work out in the long run between us because of Homeland Security, believe that or not. But I will include a picture of him. WOW. I was reminded of him because of a related story on the February 11, 2020 blog. I emailed him to tell him HI. I wonder if I will hear from him. Who cares? He is not to be forgiven and he did mess with me. He did reach the tipping point. Of course he did not physically abuse – that ended when I escaped the abuse of my father. It was not his fault necessarily, did not do it on purpose, so no anger. But rancour? What is that? Rancour, a noun, bitterness or resentfulness, especially when long standing. Its synonyms are: spite, hate, hatred, resentment, malice, ill will, malevolence, malignancy, animosity, antipathy, enmity, hostility, acrimony, venom, poison, vindictiveness, balefulness, vengefulness, vitriol, virulence, perniciousness, meanness, nastiness; informal bitchiness, cattiness; literary maleficence. ANTONYMS amicability.
I do think I feel antipathy toward Adam Temple but not bitchiness or cattiness, nor hatred, nor hostility. You played with me and my feelings Adam Temple but I am quite fine and so, therefore feel almost amicable toward you. You are so incredibly handsome, and polite, and charitable, and successful, all on very own. No inherited wealth, so far sighed. But you treated me cruelty, my dear. The tipping point occurred, although we did try to work out our differences. I respect that in both of us. At that cafe in Vancouver in May of 2019. We actually never slept together, hugged once in a while but that was it. I laughingly cannot remember who he was replaced with, but it was somebody. Me and men! How long was Adam in my life? From our momentous meeting at an Indian Restaurant in November of 2018 to approximate June of 2019. But he was in Columbia, and Thailand, I believe. I was in London and Iceland and then I came to San Francisco to live in March of 2019.
So now the beginning of the solution – the final solution actually but that expression has rather terrible Synonyms for that word: undertone, undercurrent, implication, hidden meaning, secondary meaning, nuance, flavour, feeling, aura, atmosphere, colouring, smack, hint, vein, echo, vibrations, association, intimation, suggestion, suspicion, insinuation.
The final solution association and implication is the Holocaust with Hitler’s Final Solution.
It was April of 2015, Alexis was in London attending London City University when she developed itches and and swelling. Off to the National Health Service with a diagnosis of bed bugs but that was not the problem, no bed bugs were found and an enforced stay in a hotel near the British Library. Finally out of desperation she flew home to her trusty California doctor. It was proven to be an allergic reaction to an antidepressant that had been taken for years. Recovery was rather slow with a horrible reaction to prednisone. The amazing caring California Doctor did not want to see her return to London without knowing whether or not she should be on antidepressants therefore a referral was made to an extremely wise psychiatrist. This psychiatrist was ably assisted by a psychologist who administered the MMPI and the Rorschach Ink Blot Test.. Wikipedia tells us that “The Rorschach test is a psychological test in which subjects’ perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. Some psychologists use this test to examine a person’s personality characteristics and emotional functioning. It has been employed to detect underlying thought disorder, especially in cases where patients are reluctant to describe their thinking processes openly.[ The test is named after its creator, Swiss psychologist Hermann Rorschach. The Rorschach can be thought of as a psychometric examination of pareidolia, active distorted perception of visual stimuli In the 1960s, the Rorschach was the most widely used projective test.”
Conclusion Revealed by the Rorschach Antidepressants not needed, (nor probably ever were) and it was back to London to finish studies after a six week hiatus. But Alexis was to learn how her mind operated and what she could do to minimize conflict and pain. It was rather incredible. The results were conveyed by the psychiatrist in two sessions.
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