I woke up in a good mood for a change, thinking of how much fun it would be to chat with Annie on Instagram. So I did – not waiting around hoping he would Instagram me first, but taking the initiative.
Initiative is a word with many meanings.
- the ability to assess and initiate things independently: use your initiative, imagination, and common sense.
2 the power or opportunity to act or take charge before others do: anti-hunting groups have seized the initiative in the dispute.
3 an act or strategy intended to resolve a difficulty or improve a situation; a fresh approach to something: a new initiative against car crime.
Its synonyms are: inventiveness, resourcefulness, capability; imagination, imaginativeness, ingenuity, originality, creativity; drive, dynamism, ambition, ambitiousness, motivation, spirit, verve, dash, energy, vitality, vigour, leadership, vision; informal get-up-and-go, zing, push, pep, zip, punch, pizzazz. ANTONYMS unimaginativeness.
So using verve, dash, energy and vitality, and using my get-up-and-go and pizzazz I texted
Me: I woke up thinking of you and looking forward to talking with you today. It put me in a good mood.
What happened next? He sent me a Happy Valentine’s sticker. So using energy and spirit I texted:
Me You are a most precious and darling.. You are exactly what I want and need in my life right now.
What happened next? I got a flower arrangement sticker. So using drive and creativity I texted:
Me: Thank you for the flowers (emojis) An embarrassment of riches. Hahaha
Then using resourcefulness and capability I unpacked books and put them in my bookcase. All rather boring but necessary. It is rather fun to see the collection of books I accumulated during my London and Vancouver days. I guess I will categorize them later
But I did promise in a prior blog an update of Secret of My Success. It is a bit of a bummer and may strip me of my good mood, but here goes. The most striking thing is the realization that all of the women friends, gay friends and men friends fondly mentioned are no longer in my life. Nary a one. There are various reasons for that – distance, lack of contact, their inability to take the time and energy to visit me to renew the friendship, my becoming stronger, loosing everything we had in common, my success and my outgrowing them. A new friend, Charlene Jenkins, spoke eloquently on her podcast about changing the people at your table so that your friends met your present needs. I met her in Las Vegas, I was there for a wedding that I didn’t attend because I did not know where it was being held. Rather a funny story actually. At this moment I have one super close friend from high school and University days – CPI or CPO – we email practically daily. For succour which is assistance and support in times of hardship and distress I have Personal Driver. At one time in Vancouver, I had my personal trainer, whose nickname was Hottie. In London I had Brian, who was my personal trainer, and whom I saw and trained with when I was back in London on my two last visits. I can see Annie doing that and in fact has done that as these last days have been full of distress and hardship. The synonyms of succour are: aid, bring aid to, give help to, give/render assistance to, assist, lend a (helping) hand to, be of service to; minister to, care for, comfort, bring comfort to, bring relief to, support, be supportive of, sustain, protect, take care of, look after, attend to. And, to be entirely fair, one of the men, mentioned in the last paragraph of Secret of Success, has proven to be a friend and has been there for me proving me support and lending a helping hand when I sorely needed it. I emailed my thanks for his recent attention and he is sure to say something funny in his response and it shall be included.
Of course, I also have professionals to provide succour and they do an admirable job.
There have been many men in my life since Secret of Success was written. Many, often those with money, power and position sought me out as men want what they cannot have, particularly when they can have anyone and anybody they desire. But, in all fairness to them, they did grow to care deeply for me. I can think of three that meet that category.
I do not want to think about this, particularly on Valentine’s Day, but the fault may lie with me – I am drawn to the wrong kind of man but when they start to come around, perhaps I flee. For justifiable reasons, but perhaps things could have been worked out. Here is an example, Joo Kim Tiah was constantly trying to get me to stop swearing, to be more gracious and convert me to Christianity. I was talking to a woman at the YMCA about the conversion aspect and she said something interesting:
She: It is because you were precious to him, if not, he would not have bothered, he would not have cared.
Me: Oh my goodness, I never thought of that. I just felt he was trying to change me and it irritated me.
So you see what I mean. I think I am a bit stubborn and sometimes look at things in the worse ways.
This message on Instagram: “I miss you with my eyes, cause my heart is with you. Return your heart to me to miss you with it.” There was no way that I could comment on it – sometimes I am a bit technologically challenged. These would have been my flippant words: Ok I am returning your heart to you and giving it back to you on Valentine’s Day. You see, I am a brat! But that individual does like my sense of humour so it is not as bad as it seems. I also turned it into my Screen Saver – his picture is the background but you cannot see his face. Just as well.
Personal Driver just called and we had a great chat, lots of laughter and some swearing. He just called to see how I was doing. I do not think I am going anywhere today so I will not see him. Lunch will be super crowded because it is Valentine’s Day and this apartment is a mess and must be tidied. I explained my mood in the following manner.
Me: I think I went through five mood swings since I woke up and that was about four hours ago. .
He: But at least you are laughing now.
Me: True and it is great to be laughing with you.
The photograph is one posted on Instagram. It is a University of Alberta Alumni blanket that was gifted to me by the Alumni Association. I found it when unpacking a box of books.