Well, I am, in all modesty, the poster child for knee replacement surgery. My recovery is nothing short of miraculous. I think the greatest compliment came last Friday. A very precious person said this:
He: Alexis! I am SO proud of you! You are like a professional athlete. When they sustain injuries they put their entire minds, their entire existence into their recovery. That is what you have done.
Now, no one is going to believe this, BUT I was rendered speechless. This strange reaction occurred for many reasons. A lesser reason is that I do not know shit about professional athletes. But a larger, more personal cause of such speechlessness is the sense of being truly seen by another person, seen and appreciated thoroughly. Saw me even more than I saw myself because, come to think of it, that is exactly what I did. I got rid of all of the crap in my life and just focused. The crap included people – there were worthless people crowding my life people. People who betrayed me but were somehow taking up space in my mind. I did nothing to deserve their betrayal but it continued to haunt me. There is no way to change the past, it is necessary to utilize the words of Lady McBeth:
She: Out damn spot! Out!
Do you not love Will? He says things so well. “Out, damned spot! out, I say!—One, two; why, then ‘tis time to do’t.—Hell is murky!—Fie, my lord, fie! a soldier, and afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account?—Yet who would have thought the old man to have so much blood in him? The thane of Fife had a wife; where is she now?—What, will these hands ne’er be clean?—No more o’that, my lord, no more o’that: you mar all with this starting. Here’s the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh!”
It is interesting that everyone says that they are proud of me. One of my doctors said that he was going to call my beloved Internists to tell of his observation of my recovery knowing how how incredibly pleased my Doc would be. . I had called his office and left word that I was doing well but it is the confirmation would have been so reassuring. Everyone has been rooting for me – everyone seems on my team. My Care Giver told me yesterday that she was proud of me – she does this for a job and her life and caring has touched probably tens over the years. But she is proud of me of what I have accomplished.
Back to Instagram, a posting and a message from a man in Australia. G=He posted:
He: Take care of yourself so that you can take care of yourself.
Me: Great philosophy and useful when when recovering from knee replacement surgery. I am doing a super job of taking care of myself and it shows. It brings joy to other people who celebrate my speedy recovery.
He: You Truly Are A Fighting Machine
Me: Thank you. I love you. Going on my blog in two days.
This came as a surprise. As I looked through Instagram I came across this, from weeks ago, a prior admission to Davies Hospital was announced.
He Rest and get well soon.- the world needs more of you and your amazing life.
I do not recall reading that at the time, What an enormous compliment. Am I ever touched. .
Last week Wise Man spoke:
He: Alexis you have cleaned the decks.
Me: HaHa! You are right! Who would have thought?
What does that expression mean? It is, of course, an idiom which means: to remove unnecessary things so that you are ready for action:
Actually Wise Man was not talking about preparation for surgery but quite another matter. I vaguely recall speaking to the possible recipient of the action, his response perfect. He merely laughed. It is both frightening and elating to have someone read your mind.
Care Giver and I take t pictures of my continuing recovery, posting them on Instagram. Some will be attached to this blog.
It occurs to me that, for women particularly, they are encouraged and begin to think that they need to be helpless to get attention. What is so profoundly gratifying to me is that I am being rewarded for my strengths and accomplishments. I do not have to infantilize myself to get careened attention. It is most gratifying. I pity helpless women (and those around them) who feel that helplessness is the cure for loneliness. So there! So there! So there!