My new friend Kathleen Tonnesen has so enriched my life and I have only known her for about a week. She sent an email which was clearly in response to my last blog posting.
She: Yes, when I am creating I am a complete hermit and require solitude, so can go for days with no contact from others …it is just the way art works.
Me: So fascinating and comforting to read of your need for solitude! Makes me feel less freaky!
Our original four (or five) hour meeting was so jam packed with thoughts and ideas – not gossip which often forms the topic of many conversations. We spoke of many things:
”Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”
We did speak as well of the plight of aboriginal women and in her email Kathleen also sent this profound quote from “The Way of the Horse” by Linda Kohanon.
“Australian Aboriginal woman says: ‘If you have come to help me you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound with mine, then let us work together’.”
That is so profound and so right on because under these parameters the aboriginal woman is not seen as a victim who must be rescued but rather as a partner to defend against the crime of misogyny. I suppose misogyny should be the word of the day, this definition is found in Wikipedia. Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. Misogyny is manifest in numerous ways, including social exclusion, sex discrimination, hostility, androcentrism, patriarchy, male privilege, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification.[1][2] Misogyny can be found within sacred texts of religions, mythologies, and Western philosophies.[1][3]
It is almost mandatory that you follow the link to this article. 12 Ways to Spot a Misogynist | Psychology Today Canada https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-mysteries…/12-ways-spot-misogynist
The article is intensely informative and so valuable. However, It missed one very important and valuable point. That women can be, and often are, misogynists. They hate other women (and often themselves, but this is unconscious). When one applies the 12 spotting steps to the women of your acquaintance as well, many things will become clear and apparent. But here is the rub – what to do about it? Once a misogynist, always I a misogynist, I always say. All one can do is walk away from them. My uncle’s adage is not all that useful in this situation; “Stop fighting, Alexis. Go to the sidelines, they will do themselves in” Men and women misogynists are never going to do themselves in because there is so much societal support for their hared. So defend yourself from the attack and then walk away. It might be possible to come back at some point because I have seen instances of men gaining respect for me when I confront them There is the occasional sling and arrow but it is possible to deflect them particularly if you are armed with a sense of humour. Come to think of it, a sense of humour is the best defense against misogyny, Misogynists can be made to look ridiculous. Here is an example, gleaned from the Life and Times of Alexis McBride.
Place: Sulo’s Hair Salon, Vancouver
Date: November 18, 2018
A woman appears, storms into Suki’s and begins yelling at the receptionist complaining that she could not find the salon as there were no signs pointing the way and now she is late. Alexis McBride, her hair beautifully coifed, looking most chic because Vicky, her stylist helped tie her scarf, speaks.
Me: Why are you yelling at this poor woman. She has nothing to do with, nor any control over the signage. If she were a man you would not be yelling in this manner.
Rude Woman: I am not talking to you!
Me: I am talking to you.
Rude Woman: Who is this woman? Who are you anyway?
Me: I am Alexis McBride. And I am famous.
Rude Woman: You are rude!
The rude woman stormed off, no idea where she was going because she clearly had never been there before and she had not been announced to her stylist. She was probably going to complain about me but that would not get her far as I am a regular, go there practically every week and am well liked. Rude woman would have succeeded if not for me because the receptionist could not stand up for herself. There were three other woman.
Me: Whose side are you on? Who was being rude?
They: We are on your side. It was that woman who was rude.
Me: People, particularly Canadians, make a mistake. If someone is rude to you – be rude back. Being polite to a rude person merely perpetuates the problem. It is often rather amazing to see that when you are rude back – some can actually become quite polite. There is no hope for this woman however
They: Why?
Me: She could not even acknowledge or see her own rudeness. She made herself into the victim, attacked by me. If I really attacked her she would know it. I used to be a lawyer. dnefwmmb
In all and utter honesty I have been involved in misogynistic relationships throughout my life. I did not realize it at the time but the amazing thing was the vast feeling of relief I felt when I terminated the relationship. I look back at the feeling of relief these days and can now recognize that the relationship was with a misogynist, some male, some female.
After the stormy encounter I left Suki’s, took my glamorous self back to the Vancouver Art Gallery and did a video, placed on instagram praising the exhibit – beautiful clothing designed by a woman from China. More about that later. By the way, the rude woman was not Chinese. She appeared to be of Latin descent.
I am alexismctwit on Instagram, do not ask me why.
