When last visiting Marin I purchased a Stephen Colbert’s Midnight Confessions from a used book store. It is full of his pithy sayings and is most funny. Here are some:
I Like The Y Because Wording Out Next to the Elderly Makes Me Feel Fit (this is not true of my YWCA, there may be oldies but they are fit, as am I)
I Have Trouble Getting Mad About Woodrow Wilson Being Racist When Most of My Money Has Slave Owners on It.
I have a fair amount of gay friends, but sometimes I worry that I haven’t made enough gay enemies.
Sometimes when I’m out to diner with my wife, I’ll propose so we’ll get free dessert.
Remember that Funny Viral Video You Sent Me? I didn’t watch it. I just waited five minutes and tested “LOL”
They Always Sad “If You Love Something, Set it Free. But I Don’t Know if I can Really Trust Those People I’ve Git in my Shed.
I Blame my Farts on the Dog. Also my Tax Evasion.
When my kids were growing up, our course didn’t have a fireplace. So I told them that Santa came out of the dryer.
I Don’t Always Drink Beer. But When I do I Make Up for All the Times I Don’t.
But my favorite has to be this one (probably because it is about dogs) Sometimes I’ll Pet a Dog Just Because I Have Something Gross On My Hand That I Need to Wipe off.
The Vancouver Public Library is my favorite spot in the whole world . To all of those who do not live in Vancouver, (nor taken the time to come to visit me) I shall describe it. It is a Roman Coliseum, it is SUCH a clever design. It looks so hugely important, and it is. Not only is the building beautiful but it is staffed by the best of people – well there are one or two lazy and self important people but in the main they are fantastic! They can do so much for you and they do. Last weekend I went on a tour of the newly completed upper floors – a roof garden that overlooks the city. I was the only person on the tour, although invited others just milled about. The woman who led the Tour of One was so informative and so I learned about the history of the building and some of the special uses that are being contemplated in the new space. I had another use for the library. It is possible to hire extremely competent people to do research – the service is called InfoAction. They have researched many topics for me – the research is done quickly and thoroughly. This was my most recent project. I am going to Iceland – a stop over on the Vancouver-London voyage. I am so enthusiastic about this stopover – got books from the library pointing out the tourist hot spots. But somewhere I had read about a huge study. Iceland is the perfect place to conduct DNA research. The country’s situation is unique because of its carefully kept genealogical records which go back to the Ninth Century when the island was settled. It is amazing to think that Icelanders are at least distant cousins. But my memory was vague and I wanted to know more. So I went to the InfoAction office, spoke to the staff and two days later I had eighteen pages of information, More than I ever wanted to know. Surprising facts (only 320,000 people live in Iceland for example). There are medical ethical dilemmas – it is utterly fascinating. I would not have all this information at my fingertips were it not for the Vancouver Public Library. It is a a great day – I think I will just go there and hang out.
By the way, the plumber came and came on time. I laughingly told him that it was a miracle – this is Vancouver after all and a wonderfully competent plumber came on a Saturday and fixed the faucet. So there is the VPL and there is a very good plumber. Perhaps Vancouver is not as bad as it sometimes seems.