A Disjointed Day Full Of Information and Surprises and Jokes and Insults and Frustrations and Many Emails and Art But I Found A Funny Guy

So first the funny guy – that will grab your attention. I went to water aerobics at the YWCA and had the best instructor ever – in all of my days of water aerobics. She is a staff member at the Y and we chatted at length at the conclusion of the class. Then it was off to the hot tub which is conveniently located alongside the pool. Then I indulged in a conversation with a man who will be called Life Guard Guy (LGG) for short. I waved at him during the class but I was concentrating very hard on what I was supposed to be paying attention to – the instructor.

Me: I was thinking of pretending that I was drowning so that you would have to give me mouth to mouth recitation.

LGG: It would not have worked. I learned to spot a phony. Women were forever pretending they were drowning and it was getting very tiring. So I learned how to spot the fake ones – you would not have succeeded.

Me: (Gales of laughter) What would have you done?

LGG: Just turn my back on you.

Me: I am glad we had this discussion. I would have gotten my hair wet for nothing.

But our conversation went on and I revealed a sort of secret, that drowning is not a joke for me but something that is deadly serious.

Me: Actually drowning is not that funny to me. I was dangerously suicidal at one time in my life and tried to drown myself, on more than one occasion.

LGG: You were committed!

Me: Well, not that committed, I am still around.

LGG: I can see that – I have a suggestion for you.

Me: To aid and abet my death by drowning?

LGG: Yes. You get a chain, attach it to a hunk of cement and then attach the chain to yourself. Me: Thank you very much. I shall keep that in mind.

Honest to goodness that conversation took place and he was joking (I think and hope) ) but I was being honest (as usual) and not even exaggerating. Well I was not really going to do a drowning imitation but the thought did cross my mind and I thought it would be fun to talk to him about it, and so I did.

The frustration occurred throughout the day. It began when I was placed on hold for ages and it took one hour and fifteen minutes to place my proper passport name and number into the plane reservation that had been seamlessly made two days before. I ended up yelling at the woman when she put me on hold yet again. I said:

Me: I am so tired of this!! Just send it to my email, I have been on this phone for one hour and fifteen minutes.

She did. Sometimes polite gets you nowhere. I had been polite up to that point.

Then the house cleaner company called to change my appointment yet again – a habit they do constantly which is irritating but I have always been polite. But this time NOT

Me: No I am not going to stand for this. You have a contractural obligation which you are not meeting. You play with my time as if it has no consequences. Don’t come at all tomorrow, I can live with a messy apartment since I am going away anyway and no one is coming over!

But lots of good times and news. A great lunch, which was Instagrammed – it was at my Paris restaurant that is actually on Robson Street. I do love it and it makes me feel like I am in Paris again. The serving staff is so uniformly polite and I have spoken with the owner, a very interesting woman whose aim is to make her restaurant Parisian and she is succeeding!

Then stopped at the Virgin Mobile store and had a great chat with the people there. My phone plan got utterly screwed up at one point and I had to go in there constantly and sometimes got angry but a woman was endlessly helpful and I stop in and chat with her all the time. I got a special plan for my California trip and she taught me how to put my phone on speaker so I will not be so frustrated when I am put on hold.

I had a dreadful encounter with a beggar. But I will not talk about it now and instead do a rant posting on beggary in general. It is going to be ugly. So I guess beggary is going to be the word of the day. Begging (also panhandling or mendicancy) is the practice of imploring others to grant a favor, often a gift of money, with little or no expectation of reciprocation. A person doing such is called a beggar, panhandler, or mendicant. Street beggars may be found in public places such as transport routes, urban parks, and near busy markets. Besides money, they may also ask for food, drink, cigarettes or other small items.

I do rather like the word Mendicant – perhaps I shall smile at one of the people that line the streets of this fair city and say:

Me: Oh you mendicant you!

They: Will scream and yell and call me filthy names. That is what happened yesterday. The worse part is that tens of people did nothing to defend me and walked on like sheep.

I ended the day at VAG – and “sat with” a painting by David Milne – I free associated and had a charming conversation with a man called Ralph who was disabled. I explained what I was doing and told him what I had learned from the lecture on Milne. The staff at VAG are so sweet to me – gave me a stool to sit and muse and one wonderful woman explained to a new staff.

She: She comes here all of the time, she is a regular and we like having her.

I am that she and is not that sweet!? So before my life revolved around the Equinox and now it is the YWCA and VAG. I am enjoying my new life – it suits me better. The photo is the Milne picture that I ‘spoke’ to.

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